straining to see her face, which must be full of the same emotion as her voice, an emotion that offered him hope for the first time in his life.
But his dream had been in vain. There was only a nurse in a professional uniform, the cap low over her forehead, her features frowning and severe. Disappointment tore him, making him say almost violently,
At first the words made no impact on Dee. She couldn’t understand them-
He stared at her, or perhaps through her. His eyes were empty of recognition, of feeling, of anything.
‘Who are you?’
‘I…Mark, it’s me…Dee…’
But his eyes remained blank until he closed them, murmuring, ‘Sorry, Nurse.’
She took a deep breath, telling herself that it meant nothing. She was in uniform, her hair covered by a nurse’s cap, as he hadn’t seen her before. And he was heavily sedated, not his normal self.
‘Nurse-’ he murmured.
‘Yes, I’m here.’
He gave a long tortured sigh that ended in a groan.
Mr Royce came quietly into the room. ‘He’s due for more painkiller,’ he said. ‘Will you help me administer it?’
Together they did what was necessary, which seemed to bring Mark some ease. He opened his eyes again, murmuring, ‘Thank you, Nurse.’
‘Leave him to sleep,’ Mr Royce said, ushering her out of the room.
‘He doesn’t know me,’ she said flatly when they were outside.
‘Given the condition he’s in, that’s hardly surprising, but part of his recovery will be regaining the memories of his old life and you can assist him in that as nobody else can. I’m assigning you to him full-time. Yes, I know that will be hard for you, but you must be professional about this, Nurse.’
‘Of course.’
Professional, she told herself. That was what mattered. She must forget her shame at the memory of the things she’d said, the impassioned outpouring of love, the naive way she’d hoped for some flicker of love in return, only to be met with, ‘Who are you?’
She took immediate charge of him, silencing all other thoughts but his need and her duty, but it was hard when her feelings were so involved. The first time she saw his burns she had to fight back tears. The whole of his chest was violently red and raw, and she could only guess at what he must be suffering. Her ministrations made him wince, despite being on such a heavy dose of painkiller that he never seemed more than vaguely awake. Now and then he would gaze at her as though trying to remember where he’d seen her before, but he always addressed her as ‘Nurse’.
‘Perhaps you should stay with him overnight,’ Joe told her late one evening. He’d been on a training session and they had arrived home at nearly the same moment.
‘What about you?’ she said, looking around at the bleak, echoing house. ‘I don’t like leaving you alone.’
‘I’m a big boy now, love. I can cope. And I’m not alone, not really. Your Mum’s here with me. No, don’t look like that. I’m not mad. This is the home she created, and every inch of it is what she made. If I work late in the garage, she puts her head around the door and says, “Are you coming in or are you going to be here all night?” If I’m making tea, I always fill the pot in case she wants one. I know how much she loved me, and she still does, almost as much as I love her.’
‘I always wondered about that-’ Dee said hesitantly. ‘The way your marriage came about-’
‘Oh, you mean that stuff about me making her pregnant and being forced to do the decent thing. Nah, nobody forced me. I was daft about her, but I was shy. I was even scared to kiss her in case she was offended, while as for…you know…’
‘Yes, I know,’ she said, lips twitching.
‘All right, go on, laugh at me, but it was another age. You were supposed to behave yourself in them days. But your mum knew what she wanted, and she wanted me. Lord knows why, but she did.’
‘Are you saying-?’
‘She made the running. I wouldn’t have dared.’
Dee stared, barely able to believe what she was hearing. ‘So when you and she…she was the one who…? But I don’t understand. She was always so strait-laced, saying we must be “good girls” and the way she acted when Sylvia went away with Phil-’
‘People often do that,’ Joe observed. ‘Talk one way, act another. It was Sylvia’s disappearing that she really minded, and the fact that she went off with a married man. She’d have forgiven her the other thing, because it was what she did herself. She told me later that she was determined to start a baby so that I’d have to stop dithering like a twerp and make my mind up,’ Joe said with pride. ‘She really loved me, you see.’
‘Yes, she did,’ Dee agreed.
‘And when you’ve found the right one, do what you have to. So you get on with it, girl. And don’t you worry about your mum and me. We’ll be all right here together.’
Armed with Joe’s encouragement, she began staying overnight at the hospital, sleeping in the Nurses’ Home so that she could spend as much time with Mark as possible. She fed him, changed his dressings, soothed him when he half awoke, listened to his soft moans at night.
Gradually the amount of painkiller he needed lessened, and he began to sleep more peacefully. The bandages were removed from his head, and Dee marvelled at how little he seemed to have changed. The burns on his body were terrible, but his face was undamaged. To the outside world he would seem the same handsome young man he had always been, a little older, a little more weather-beaten, but basically the same. Yet this was an illusion. The damage might be hidden, but it was there.
She checked his pulse, wondering if he would awaken soon, and would he still ask who she was? Would she be nothing but the nurse who cared for him, without individuality, no different from any other? Would he even recognise her as that?
He stirred and she laid his hand down on the sheet, waiting until at last he opened his eyes, looking straight into hers.
‘Hello,’ he whispered.
‘Hello.’ She sat beside him, smiling and trying to seem cheerful.
‘Where am I?’
She gave him the name of the hospital, wondering if he would recognise it as the one where she worked, but he said nothing. ‘You’ve been here nearly a week,’ she added.
‘What happened to me?’
‘You crashed. I’m afraid you’re badly burned. Are you in pain now?’
‘No, I just feel dizzy. I don’t know anything.’ He gazed at her intently. ‘You’ve been looking after me, haven’t you?’
‘You remember that?’
‘I know I’ve seen you somewhere before. You’re Nurse-?’
‘Nurse Parsons,’ she said.
‘Oh, yes-you were always there-and someone else-I’m trying to remember-did anyone come to visit me while I was unconscious?’
‘Your commanding officer came, and a couple of your comrades looked in. I couldn’t let them stay long. They just wanted to see for themselves that you’re alive.’
‘Nobody else?’ he whispered, and she wondered if she only imagined that his voice was full of hope.
‘Nobody else. Was there someone else you wanted to see? Can I find them for you?’
He sighed softly. ‘Thanks, but no. She wouldn’t want you to.’
‘You don’t know that,’ Dee said quickly. ‘If she’s a good friend, who cares what happens to you-’
‘A good friend,’ he echoed with a wry smile. ‘She was the best friend I had, but I didn’t know it.’
‘But if you know it now, perhaps she’d like to hear you say so.’
‘I doubt it. Where she was concerned, I talked too much and said all the wrong things-did all the wrong things,
