too. She was glad to be rid of me.’
‘You can’t be sure of that.’
‘I can. She despised me. She made that very clear.’
‘She probably didn’t mean it that way.’
‘When a woman tells a man to go and jump in the lake, there’s no doubt what she means.’
‘She actually used those words?’
‘Words that meant the same. She dressed it up, practically made it sound as though I was the one breaking it off, but that was just her way of smoothing things. The truth is, she despised me.’ He gave a sigh. ‘And she may have been right.’
‘No, she didn’t despise you.’
‘You can’t know that.’
Then inspiration came to her. Turning the lights out so that there was only the one small bedside lamp, she returned to sit beside him, turning so that her face was in shadow. Perhaps now she looked no more than a shadowy presence, and that might be the trigger.
‘But I do know that,’ she said.
He stared at her, startled. ‘What do you know?’
‘Everything she knows. You’ll understand soon, when the drugs wear off.’
‘Dee? Is that really you? I think…I’m beginning to understand now. Put the light on.’
She shook her head. ‘Better not.’ She didn’t want him to see how shaken she was, eyes brimming in relief, that he had finally recognized her again.
‘You’re right,’ he said after a moment. ‘It’s strange how I know you now that I can’t see you properly.’
‘You never did see me properly,’ she murmured.
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Nothing,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s all in the past now. We’re not really the same people that we were then. When did we last see each other? A year ago?’
‘Longer,’ he murmured. ‘Much longer. It seems to stretch back for ever, into another life-’
‘I know, it feels like that to me too, but it’s just a year. So much has happened since.’
Tentatively, he stretched out his hand and she took it between hers. ‘I’ve sometimes dreamed that it was you,’ he said huskily. ‘I’ve even tried to pretend that it was-but I told myself I was being foolish because you must still be angry with me.’
‘I was never angry with you.’
‘You gave me back my ring.’
‘Not from anger. I just thought our paths were leading away from each other. We’re still friends.’
‘Are we? When I was injured, I was sure you’d come to me at once. When you didn’t, I knew you hadn’t forgiven me.’
‘But I did come to you, as soon as I heard you were here. You were unconscious, so I sat and talked to you, praying for you to wake, but then you did wake and you didn’t know me. You asked who I was. I said I was Dee but that meant nothing to you. The accident had wiped me from your memory.’
‘No, nothing could do that. I’ve been in a dream. You were there, yet you weren’t. I could hear you talking to me, saying things that-’
‘Yes?’
He screwed up his eyes as though fighting an inner battle.
‘I don’t know,’ he said desperately. ‘They made me happy but when I awoke, I couldn’t remember them. Was it you? Did you really say everything I heard?’
‘How can I tell?’ she said lightly. ‘Since I don’t know what you heard.’
‘It was…it was…oh, dear God!’ He closed his eyes desperately. ‘Tell me. Say it again so that I’ll know.’
‘Not just now,’ she said gently. ‘You’re going to be here for some time, and we’ll take it step by step.’
‘But you’ll be here, too? You will, won’t you?’ His grip was tight enough to be painful.
‘Yes, I’ll be here. Hey, don’t break my fingers or I’ll be no use.’
He released her at once, letting his hand fall on the blanket in a way she would have called helpless if it had been any other man. Now his expression was resigned and she knew he’d accepted her words and manner as a rejection. If only she could take him into her arms and tell him of her love, which was stronger than ever. But instinct told her he wasn’t strong enough to stand it right now. There would be a long road until he was ready, but they would travel that road together and discover where it led.
Now it was she who set the terms, guiding him through the days that followed as a friend and nurse, but with no hint of a lover, and had the satisfaction of seeing him relax and allow himself to be cared for. It hurt to see him so docile and unlike his old vibrant, cocky self, but it helped her take charge, which she was determined to do.
Now she was sleeping in the Nurses’ Home, she could slip in to see him at night, staying with him in the semi- darkness, sometimes talking, sometimes silent. It was on one of these nights that she told him about Sylvia and Helen.
‘Did that man ever marry her?’ he asked.
‘No, he couldn’t get a divorce. In fact, I went to the street where they’d been living and spoke to some of the neighbours who’d survived the bombing, and they seemed to think he was planning to go back to his wife.’
‘Poor Sylvia,’ he said huskily. ‘She deserved better. Did you ever see the baby?’
‘Yes, he was in her arms when we buried them. She had nothing left to live for. I still find it hard to take in. When we were children she was so glorious, she was like queen of the world. She was going to have everything; we all thought so.’
Mark didn’t answer directly but he looked sad, and she wondered what memories were troubling him now. But she would never ask. After a while, she bid him goodnight and crept away.
He’d been lucky in that the third-degree burns were on the front of his body where the fire had exploded. The seat had partly protected his back until he’d managed to fight his way out and collapse, which was good, Dee thought thankfully, because if his back had been in the same appalling state as his front he could never have lain down.
His chest was a mass of dark red blisters which she would anoint gently, trying not to hurt him, although she knew that there would be a certain amount of nerve damage that would save him from some of the pain. Sometimes Mr Royce would come in and stand watching before inviting her outside to discuss the case.
‘He’s doing well,’ he told her. ‘But there’s only so far that his condition can improve. An Air Force doctor will be coming to see him soon.’
‘They’re not trying to get him back?’ she asked, scandalised.
‘Quite the reverse. I think they’ll judge him unfit to return to the Force in any capacity.’
‘Thank God!’ she said fervently.
He regarded her for a moment. ‘It matters that much?’ he asked at last.
‘I hate patching them up so that they can go and get killed,’ she said defensively. ‘At least he’s one that will live.’
He was giving her a look she didn’t understand and she escaped quickly back into Mark’s room. She found him lying still, with a shadow in his eyes.
‘When shall I congratulate you?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean? I’m not due for promotion for ages.’
‘You’re due for promotion to Mrs Royce, very soon.’
‘Will you stop talking nonsense?’
‘I know what I see. That man’s in love with you.’
‘Nonsense! He’s a kind person who’s gone out of his way to help me.’
But then she remembered Mr Royce’s strange look a moment ago, the trouble he’d always taken to discover news of Mark. Did he do this for everyone? How could there be time? And if it was just for her-why?
‘He must be twenty years older than me,’ she protested. ‘More.’
‘So what? He’s strong, mature, settled. He can offer you a position in the world. You were made to be a successful man’s wife. He’s in love with you.’
‘You’re making fun of me. You couldn’t possibly tell.’
‘I can, easily. When a man gets that look in his eyes, it means just one thing.’
