the toys to play with. And I enjoyed them for a while. I still enjoy the car.’ He shook his head as though trying to clear it. ‘Forgive me.’
‘Forgive you?’
‘For not telling you the truth. I meant it for the best, but I should have known that you wouldn’t want anything to do with it.’ He shrugged. ‘Well, anyway-there’s no need for this.’ He indicated the paper.
‘I thought you’d want me to go when I found out.’
‘Why should I?’
‘Because you took so much trouble to stop me knowing.’
He gave a faint grin, directed at himself. ‘You don’t know the half of it. I came back here that night and went through the place, hiding anything that could have betrayed me. I stocked the freezer from an all-night supermarket about a mile away. Then I had my phone calls redirected, and my mail rerouted-not that much usually comes here anyway. I did anything I could think of.’
‘But why?’
‘Would you have accepted if you’d known it was me?’
‘I wouldn’t have wanted to,’ she said after a moment’s thought. ‘But I’d have had no choice.’
‘Exactly. You’d have come here reluctantly, been horribly embarrassed, and got out as soon as you could. I didn’t want that.’
‘Was that why you knocked on the door tonight instead of using your key?’
‘I don’t have a key. That is-I do, but not on me. It’s locked in my desk, in the study here. This is your house, while you need it. You couldn’t feel like that if I could come and go here without your permission.’
‘Andrew, I’m sorry,’ she said impulsively. ‘I backed you into a corner about this, but I never meant to.’
‘What do you mean, backed me into a corner?’
‘When you found me having hysterics in the garden that night, it was a kind of emotional blackmail.’
‘I never felt that. I just felt that I wanted to help you. I couldn’t tell you the truth because I knew I wasn’t your favourite person.’
‘Shouldn’t that be my line? I gave you every reason to hate me.’
‘I’ve never hated you, Ellie. Well, yes, perhaps at the beginning. I was young then, and my pride had been hurt. Pride’s damnably important when you’re twenty-six. But I recovered my sense of proportion. It’s a great leveller, a sense of proportion. It helps you see that the things that once seemed earth-shattering didn’t matter so much after all. Certainly not enough to hate someone.’
‘I’m glad,’ she said quietly.
‘And you did me a favour. I wasn’t ready to marry. I still had my way to make.’
‘I seem to recall your mother warning you about that at the time,’ Elinor said.
‘Yes, and I wouldn’t listen. Which was stupid of me.’ Abruptly he changed the subject. ‘Are you taking care of yourself?’
‘I’m all right. Hetta’s the sick one.’
‘No, Hetta’s the recovering one. If you’re not careful you’re going to be the sick one. The strain on you has been enormous. You’ve been fighting to be strong, for her, but who’s strong for you?’
‘Just make sure you look after yourself now,’ he said firmly. ‘You need to heal as well.’
‘Well, this is the right place to do it,’ she agreed. ‘Where are you living? I haven’t forced you to move into a hotel, have I?’
‘No, I’ve got a little place near the hospital. I’m used to spending most of my time there. I bought this house for my wife, a few years ago.’
‘Your-wife?’
‘Until recently. The divorce was finalised a few weeks back. I offered her the house as part of the settlement, but she preferred money, so I still have it. I’ll get around to selling it soon.’
‘Perhaps it still means something to you?’
‘No, I’m not clinging onto “happy memories”. There aren’t any. We knew it was a mistake fairly soon, and the end was always inevitable. All we’ve had in common for years has been our son. It was a “good” marriage, but not a happy one.’
‘Good?’
‘Suitable for a young man with his way to make. I wanted to get onto Elmer Rylance’s team because he was the best heart surgeon in the world. Half the techniques in use today were invented, or at least perfected, by him. I could have learned them from others, but that wasn’t good enough for me. Only the master would do. Lord, I was conceited in those days!
‘The difficulty was, getting myself noticed among so many competing for his attention. Then I met Myra at some medical charity function. She’s his niece.’
‘Oh, I see,’ Elinor said quietly.
‘Yes, it was as cynical and planned as that. Not the first meeting. That was accident. But dancing with her, trying to turn her head, establishing myself as her escort, all that was done with a purpose. Not very attractive behaviour, but it’s the way the world works. At least it does for a certain kind of man, and that was the kind of man I was. Nice, eh?’
‘You’re very hard on yourself. Why?’
‘Because I like to face the truth, and the truth about myself isn’t pretty. When I want something I go for it like a bulldozer, and I don’t notice who I’m mowing down in the process. You of all people have reason to know that.’
The hint that he blamed himself for their past, rather than her, took her by surprise. She looked at him sadly, not knowing what to say.
‘What happened to you afterwards?’ he asked.
‘I got married to Jack Smith, and it was a disaster. He was every bad thing you warned me about, and in my heart I knew it all the time.’
‘Then why-?’
‘Because I’d backed myself into a corner,’ she said bitterly. ‘I just couldn’t admit I was wrong. You warned me he was a bad lot, so I had to marry him to prove he wasn’t. But he was. After two years I gave up.’
‘And Tom Landers?’
‘He was my new start, a demonstration to the world that I didn’t foul up every time. Except that he was worse than Jack. Hetta was the only good thing to come out of our marriage. After that I swore no more men.’
‘Very wise,’ he mused. ‘You were always a rotten picker.’
‘Not always,’ she said, and let it go at that.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ANDREW didn’t answer and for a moment an awkward silence fell between them. It was broken by a squeak of delight from the hall and Elinor looked up to see Hetta bounding in.
‘I knew you’d come to see me,’ she said, jumping on Andrew.
‘But of course I did,’ he said, giving her a hug, and finding himself embracing Samson as well. ‘Good grief, have you still got that revolting bear?’
‘He’s not a revolting bear,’ she reproved. ‘He’s a nice bear. He stayed with me all the time, except when you were horrible and made him have a bath.’
‘Yes, I remember now,’ he said hastily. ‘Beg pardon, ma’am.’
‘Samson’s my best friend.’
‘Better than me?’ He sounded piqued.
‘Well-p’raps just a bit. But not much.’
Andrew grinned, and again Elinor marvelled at the change in him.
‘What are you doing out of bed?’ Elinor demanded, trying to sound severe.
