‘You talked about “happier circumstances”. I don’t know why you’re so sure they’re not going to happen. Maybe you’ve jumped to conclusions about that. But I think-as a wedding present, it would be treated much more favourably.’
He looked at her for a long moment before saying slowly, ‘But the lady I love won’t marry me. She told me so, and I’ve come to see that she might be right. I have no right to even try to persuade her.’
Harriet could hardly breathe. ‘She might change her mind-just to secure a tax break.’
Slowly he shook his head. ‘That’s no good. It’s not the right reason.’
‘I was only joking.’
‘I know, but there are some things you shouldn’t joke about. They matter too much.’
‘Business?’
‘Love. I love you Harriet, and if you can’t say the same just let me go quickly-’
‘I can say it a million times over,’ she said, touching his cheek. He immediately seized her hand and turned his head to kiss it. There was a desperate eagerness in his eyes.
‘Tell me that you love me,’ he pleaded. ‘I need to hear you say it.’
She raised her other hand so that his face was held between them. ‘I love you with all my heart and soul. I always will.’
She was in his arms before the words were quite out, having the breath kissed out of her in an embrace as crushing as he’d ever given her.
‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he said huskily. ‘All the time you were in Rome I knew I was losing you and I didn’t know how to stop it happening. I loved you but I couldn’t tell you. I had the words ready a thousand times but lost my nerve. I didn’t have the courage. I’m a coward, that’s the truth and you may as well know it.’
‘Marco, darling, please-’
‘No, don’t stop me. I want the truth there between us. Once before I-’
‘I know.’ She touched his lips gently. ‘Alessandra. She came to see me.’
‘She was here? In this shop? When?’
‘A few days ago. She told me about the partnership you lost. You said you had it in the bag.’
‘I had to. If I’d told you I was giving up the chance to be with you it would have been like blackmailing you.’
‘But the partnership-it means everything to you-’
‘No, you mean everything to me. There’ll be other partnerships, but I knew this was my last chance with you. If I failed to win your love there’d never be another chance, and I couldn’t face that.’ He hesitated before saying awkwardly, ‘What else did Alessandra tell you?’
‘Everything. Do you mind?’
He shook his head. ‘Now you know. I’m glad. I was a coward there too. I wasn’t going to give anyone the chance to get to me again. I told myself that was a kind of strength, not seeing it for the weakness it really was.
‘But you made everything different. I was so happy whenever I was with you. I tried to rationalise the happiness away, but it possessed me. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t. Then I tried to let you know without words, but I never seemed to get it right. And that night we were together, was so wonderful-so wonderful-I knew I was lost, as I’d sworn never to be again.
‘I was so arrogant it shames me. I knew I couldn’t let you go, but I thought I could have you on my own terms, without a surrender. And that evening in Venice, when we were walking, every word you said seemed designed to warn me off. You were planning to go away, so I tried to back you into a corner, force you to marry me, and I lost you completely.
‘I didn’t know how to get you back. This was the best I could think of, but you were so wary of me, I thought I had no hope. I was going to leave and set you free of me. That was the only way left to prove a love I thought you didn’t want.’
‘I’ll always want your love. Never leave me, my darling.’
‘You don’t know what you’re doing,’ he said as he rained kisses over her face. ‘You’ll regret it-’
‘Never!’
‘I can’t do things by half,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll always be possessive. I’ll want all of you-’
‘All,’ she whispered joyfully.
‘You’ll have to fight me-promise me that you will. Otherwise you might start to hate me and I couldn’t endure that.’
‘I’ll fight you,’ she promised.
‘And I shall learn from you,’ he said seriously. ‘You’ve taught me so much. Go on teaching me. Be my mentor, keep me safe.’ He dropped his head so that his mouth lay against her palm.
‘Safe in my heart,’ she whispered. ‘Safe in my heart my beloved-for always.’
Lucy Gordon
