He nodded. ‘And you need someone to tell your triumphs to or they don’t amount to much. I always told things to you. Nobody else’s opinion ever mattered as much as yours.’
‘I’d have loved to tell you, but I knew it would look very trivial to the boss of Mead Consolidated.’
After a moment he asked, ‘Does Jimmy know?’
‘Only since he came here last week.’
‘And I suppose he’s rooting for you?’
‘Yes, he thinks it’s great.’
Alex was silent. He was afraid to ask any more about Jimmy. Instead he said, ‘You’ve got the rest of your life pretty well mapped out, haven’t you?’
‘It’s good to have a goal.’
‘Yes, I see that. Ten years-heck! I don’t know anyone who plans that far ahead.’
‘I must. I’m thirty already. I have to make the most of my time.’
‘Where do I come into your plans?’
‘You’re still the children’s father.’
‘I’m still your husband, and I want to go on being your husband.’
‘Alex, nothing’s going to change. You are as you are. What’s the point of saying all this? I tried to explain when we broke up, and you weren’t listening then, either.’
Alex sighed. ‘Yes, I was. I know it didn’t seem like it, but I heard. You were saying you were better off without me.’
Dumbly she shook her head. It was less a denial than an attempt to fend off confusion.
‘I never said that,’ she said at last. ‘And I never, never will. Not with all the things I remember.’
‘What do you remember?’ he asked gruffly.
‘You, as you were when I met you,’ she said wistfully. ‘You were wonderful-the most wonderful, generous, loving man in the world.’
Her words hurt him unbearably. ‘I’m still the same-’ he pointed to himself ‘-in here.’
‘I wouldn’t know,’ she said sadly. ‘It’s a long time since I’ve known what was happening in there.’
‘Nothing’s changed. Not towards you. Tell me it’s the same with you. Or can’t you say it?’ His voice was ragged.
‘Yes.’ She sighed. ‘I can say it. But we’re not youngsters now, and it’s not enough.’
‘Are you happy?’ he asked abruptly.
‘I don’t know,’ she said slowly. ‘I’m not sure it really matters.’
He realised that she had altered in some indefinable way. There was a calm about her now, as though she had settled something that had long been troubling her.
‘Alex,’ she said suddenly, ‘will you tell me something honestly?’
‘Fire away.’
‘But I mean honestly. No polite lies. No gilding the lily. The unvarnished truth.’
‘All right.’
‘Why did you arrive here early and stay late?’
He hesitated, knowing that he was going to confirm her worst suspicions. Yet she’d asked for honesty and he could give her no less.
‘Something fell through,’ he said reluctantly. ‘Craddock set up a party in the Caribbean, to settle the contract. Then he got ill.’
She faced him. ‘And if he hadn’t got ill?’
It was the question that he’d dreaded, but he said, ‘Then I wouldn’t have come at all.’
She didn’t seem to react, only nodded slightly, as though something had been confirmed.
It made him burst out, ‘But I did come, and I found myself talking to my son, who didn’t know it was me. And I found out a lot of things I didn’t know before. Maybe it’s my fault that I didn’t, but I know them now. It makes everything different.’
‘Between you and the children. Not between you and me.’
‘But it can if we let it. Corinne, come home. I want to try again. Don’t you want that too, in your heart?’
‘I can’t come back to that soulless place, Alex. I hated it. My home is here.’
‘Then I’ll come here.’
‘Here? You mean move into where I’m living now?’
‘It doesn’t matter as long as we’re together. If we stay here you’ll still have your job and-’
‘Wait, Alex, please. I know you when you’ve set your heart on something. You go bull-headed for it without thinking it through. How long would it be before things went wrong again? I know you’ve understood things these last few days, but that isn’t the complete answer you seem to think.’
‘But if we still love each other-’
‘I do still love you, but-’
‘But you think I’m beyond redemption,’ he said wryly.
‘You don’t need redemption. I think you might need a different kind of wife-one who can enjoy the entertaining you want, and wear glamorous clothes, and be a credit to you.’
‘To blazes with that!’ he said impatiently. ‘None of that stuff matters. I want you, and the children. My God!’ He was growing angry. ‘You’ve not only mapped out your own life but mine too. I’m headed for a trophy wife, am I? You’d better tell me her name now, because I’m sure you’ve picked her out.’
‘Calm down!’
‘I’m damned if I will! What do you suggest-a luscious little blonde with a cleavage, or a busty brunette who’ll marry me for my gold card? Do you think I want anyone like that after being married to
‘I’m sorry,’ she said in anguish. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
He didn’t say any more. But he took her hand and laid it against his cheek, closing his eyes.
‘Alex-’
‘Hush,’ he said. ‘Don’t say anything.’
She nodded and lifted her other hand to touch his face gently.
‘There won’t be anyone,’ he said in a voice that was both fierce and quiet. ‘It’s just you. Nobody else. Sometimes I wish that wasn’t true. Hang it, Corinne, I’d like to be able to forget you and pass on to something new as easily as you’ve done. But I can’t. If that’s inconvenient, I’m sorry, but I always was an awkward cuss, and I haven’t changed in that way either.’
She wanted to tell him that it was all an illusion. She hadn’t passed on to something new because he still haunted her and always would. But those would be dangerous words to say to him.
Suddenly he seemed to pull himself together.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘It’s time we got back to work. There’s a lot still on that list.’
He rose abruptly, leaving her no choice but to do the same. The subject was closed, she thought. He had simply put it behind him.
It was two hours before they had completed the list and were able to start the journey home. By that time the temperature had fallen sharply and Corinne drove in silence, concentrating on the road, which had become treacherous.
When they left the town and reached the country stretch they slowed.
‘It looks like it snowed here in the last half-hour,’ he said, ‘and there hasn’t been much traffic, so it’s probably icy-’
The words were barely out of his mouth when the car began to make choking noises.
‘What’s that?’ Alex asked.
‘Nothing,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s done it before. It doesn’t mean anything. It’ll go back to normal in a moment.’
But instead of going back to normal the vehicle choked some more, slowed, and then quietly died in the middle of the road.
‘Oh, heck!’ she said wretchedly. ‘Is anything coming?’
‘No, but let’s get this to the side before anything does.’
Together they set their shoulders to the rear and pushed the car until it glided on to the grass verge, where it
