settled, out of danger but totally useless.
Alex pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and called the rescue service. As he’d expected, he was at the end of a long line.
‘An hour, minimum,’ he groaned as he hung up.
‘We have to stay here for an hour?’ she asked, horrified.
‘Not necessarily here. If we take a walk through those trees I think there are some buildings on the other side. There might be a pub where we could get a sandwich.’
‘Can I borrow your phone?’
She called home and was answered by Bobby.
‘Everything’s fine, Mum. Mitzi’s looking through her books and Uncle Jimmy’s watching telly.’
‘Can I talk to him?’
Jimmy assured her that all was well and there would be no trouble about her being late. Corinne hung up, satisfied.
‘Let’s see where the trees lead,’ she said to Alex.
He took her hand and kept hold of it as they wandered beneath the great oaks. The sun was beginning to set, sending golden beams slanting through the branches and on to the snowy ground, and for a while they walked in silence.
It was magic, Corinne thought; the kind best enjoyed in silence. But when she looked at Alex she saw that he was walking with his head down, scowling with tension. His misery reached her almost tangibly, defeating her resolve to keep her distance.
‘Alex-’ She stopped and turned him to face her, and at once it seemed natural to put her arms about him and pull his head on her shoulders. Hang good resolutions, she thought. He was in pain, and she could no more refuse to comfort him than refuse to breathe.
‘Corinne, I’m afraid,’ he whispered.
‘Afraid of what, my dearest?’
‘Everything. Going back to that empty house, that empty life, knowing it’s all I’m fit for now. I’m losing everything I care about, and I don’t know how to stop it.’
Her heart ached for him. She longed to say, Come home. Everything is all right again, and see the happiness return to his face.
But she knew she mustn’t say it. Everything was still not right. Perhaps it would never be right. She shared his sense of helplessness. It was too soon to think that a reconciliation could be easy, or even possible. Until she could see the way ahead she could say nothing to comfort him.
This visit wasn’t working out as she’d expected. She had sent the invitation to the brusque, hard-faced man he had been at the end. But the man who’d arrived had been closer to the old Alex, reminding her of the unexpected touch of defencelessness that he’d always tried so hard to disguise, and had succeeded with everyone but her.
She’d vowed to keep her heart to herself in future, but he’d exerted his dangerous spell on it again, filling her with confusion.
‘Don’t be afraid,’ she said. ‘You’re the man who’s never afraid, remember?’
‘That’s all a con,’ he admitted. ‘Underneath, my knees were always knocking. Except with you. They never really stopped. Hold on to me.’
She did so, feeling him clinging to her in return, holding her as tightly as a drowning man might clutch a lifeline.
‘I love you so much,’ he said huskily.
‘I love you,’ she told him truthfully.
The words trembled on her tongue, but somehow they couldn’t be spoken, although she could sense the longing to hear them in every tremor of his body. Instead she raised her face to him and felt his lips cover hers.
He had kissed her before, on Christmas Eve, but that had been different. That kiss had lacked the driving intensity of this one. Last time he’d been overconfident and it had made her freeze. Now he kissed her like a man who feared he might never be able to do so again, with a dread and desperation that made it impossible for her to hold out against him.
His lips still had the skill to excite her, carrying the reminder of a thousand other times when a kiss had been the prelude to lying naked in his arms and being taken to another world that they made themselves out of love and desire. The memories crowded in on her now, making her ache with longing for what she had renounced.
She was kissing him back. She didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help herself, for she too thought this might be the last time, and there was so much that she wanted to remember.
Alex, the generous lover, seeking her delight before his own, as subtle in his lovemaking as he was unsubtle in his daily life-the man who could be hurt by a word or a look, and who would move heaven and earth to hide it. He had been hers, she had let him go, and soon she would send him away for good.
‘Corinne-Corinne-’
Just that. Just her name, spoken in a voice of racking anguish. It tormented her, but she would stay firm somehow.
‘Don’t cry,’ he whispered.
She hadn’t known that she was crying, but she knew why she couldn’t help it. She was saying a final goodbye to the only man she could love, and though it broke his heart, and her own, she was resolved on doing it.
It took a long moment for them to return to reality enough to realise that a man was trying to attract their attention.
‘Yes,’ Alex said raggedly. ‘I am.’
‘I know we said an hour, but I managed to get here a bit early,’ the man called. ‘Right, let’s get to work. Can I have the keys?’
Alex was pale and his hands shook, but he had regained command of himself. He stood aside as Corinne handed over the keys to the car, then they all walked back through the trees in the setting sun.
CHAPTER SIX
ALEX supposed it was natural for reaction to set in as Christmas passed. That was the only reason he could think of for the weight that suddenly seemed to descend on Bobby. He had always been a thoughtful child, but now he was more silent than usual, as though burdened by some extra care.
‘Do you know what ails him?’ Alex muttered to Corinne, joining her in the kitchen on the morning of the twenty-seventh.
‘No, all I know is that it happened suddenly, some time yesterday evening. But if I ask him about it he swears nothing’s wrong. It’s best to leave him alone, then maybe he’ll tell us.’
Alex nodded and tried to do as she said, but it was hard to realise that the newly established trust between himself and his son was melting away, and be unable to understand. It was also painful to see the forced brightness that Bobby sometimes remembered to assume.
To divert him, he started a snowball fight in the garden, with Mitzi joining in and Jimmy cheering from the sidelines. When they had got each other wet they dashed back into the house, dried off hastily and continued the fight with cushions.
To Alex’s pleasure, Bobby became caught up in what he was doing and laid about him vigorously with a big soft cushion, yodelling with glee.
Totally absorbed in the tussle, Alex failed to hear the front doorbell, or observe Corinne go to answer it. It was taking all his attention to deal with Bobby, who wielded the big cushion expertly until suddenly it collided with Alex’s shoulder and split. A cloud of little feathers flew up to the ceiling and settled back over Alex, who had fallen on to
