Jake could have cheerfully strangled the man for ruining the precious moment, but Kelly gave a choke of laughter.
‘We’re going,’ Jake called hastily, helping her to her feet. Then his sense of humour returned. ‘Courting! If we told him the truth he wouldn’t believe it.’
‘Nobody would believe it,’ she agreed. ‘You have to be mad to understand.’
‘And we always were.’
As they strolled away the lights began to go off. ‘It was nice being mad together,’ he mused.
‘Mmm. It was lovely.’
‘Come on.’ He tried to hurry her. ‘It’s too cold out here for you.’
‘You too. I’m supposed to be looking after you, remember?’
‘Guess we’ll have to look after each other.’
‘For a while.’
‘Yes-for a while.’
Kelly had said ‘next Tuesday’ and in her mind that was always the cut-off date. If she could hold out five more days, then four, then three, two…
On Monday night she worked late, reading first one book then another. The print passed under her eyes without her taking anything in. She knew what she was doing, making an excuse not to go to bed, because if she had to lie looking into the darkness the terrors would get worse.
There was a thin line of light under Jake’s door, and she found herself looking at it with resentment. If he was up, why didn’t he come and talk to her? That was what brothers were for, wasn’t it?
Then her resentment died. This was the way she’d chosen it, with Jake kept at arm’s length. She hadn’t even told him the crucial fact that she was due to have an ultrasound scan the next day. She’d meant to, but somehow there had always seemed a good reason for not bothering him.
She sighed, telling herself to stop playing games and face the truth. It was her pride that held her silent. He might have thought she was asking him to involve himself more deeply in the pregnancy, and what she dreaded most was to see him being determinedly polite to cover his reluctance.
She took a deep breath, telling herself firmly not to give in to weakness. She put the books tidily away and went to her room, with a last hopeful glance at Jake’s door. The strip of light was still there, but nothing was moving. She closed her own bedroom door very quietly.
Even so, Jake heard the faint sound. He’d detected every movement she made and knew when she riffled through books or paced the floor. He’d left his light on deliberately, so that she would know he was up. At any moment, he was sure she would knock and say she needed him. Perhaps she would even tell him about the scan she was having tomorrow, about which he would never have known if he hadn’t found the letter by chance. It would happen. All he had to do was wait.
But he waited and waited, until at last he knew that waiting was useless. He heard her bedroom door close, and then there was nothing to do but put out the light.
At the hospital next day Kelly went to Maternity and presented her card. While the receptionist tapped the computer she looked around the waiting room, and stared, with growing happiness, at what she saw.
‘Jake? What are you doing here?’
He came forward from where he’d been hanging back in the crowd. He looked awkward and self- conscious.
‘Thought I’d hold your hand,’ he said gruffly. ‘I’ll go away if you don’t want me.’
Only now did she know how very much she had wanted him. And he had sensed it, and come here to be with her. A surge of emotion welled up in her without warning and she had to fight back tears.
‘Kelly, are you all right?’ He put his hands on her shoulders, looking alarmed.
‘I’m fine,’ she said huskily, annoyed with herself for nearly losing control. ‘I’m pregnant. I’m allowed to have idiotic moods.’
‘I don’t think they’re idiotic. What do you want me to do?’
‘Stay. Please stay.’ She slipped her hand into his as though to keep him there. As he guided her to a seat she said, ‘But how did you know?’
‘I found the letter lying around. I didn’t mean to pry but-well, I suppose I did. I’m sorry. But you might have told me.’
‘Yes, I should have done. Why were you hiding in the background?’
‘I thought Carl might be with you.’
‘No, he just dropped me off at the end of the road. He had a meeting to get to, something to do with his Easter dig.’
‘What’s that?’
‘He’s off studying ruins in Italy over the Easter vacation.’
‘I think someone’s trying to attract your attention,’ Jake said, seeing a nurse waving.
She ushered them into a small room with a bed and a scanning machine.
‘Ms Harmon?’ she said. ‘And this is-?’
‘My brother,’ Kelly said quickly.
‘Right, Mr Harmon, if you’d like to sit here.’
‘I’m not-’ he started to say, then bit his lip and fell silent.
‘If you’d lie down there…’ The nurse indicated the couch.
Kelly hesitated for a moment, her eyes fixed on the couch. Jake understood. It was a strange sensation because he’d never understood before. He’d loved Kelly and been good to her within the limits of his nature, but the workings of her heart and mind had always been shrouded by a curtain of mystery. When she’d tried to tell him he’d grown tense because he often couldn’t follow what she was saying. And she’d known, and stopped trying.
Now everything had changed. After the battering his body and his nerves had taken recently he seemed to have become alive to all the world, but mostly to her. The curtain had dissolved, leaving her inner truth revealed to him. This scan would finally answer all questions, and however much she tried to convince herself that the news was good and she only needed confirmation, at heart she was terrified.
So was he. For if things went wrong again her heart would break unbearably. And she would need him, and he would fail her. Because hadn’t he always failed her?
‘Come on,’ he said, slipping a gentle arm around her.
She threw him a grateful smile and went to lay down on the couch, pushing her jeans down to her hips. The nurse spread a cool jelly over her bare stomach and took up a white gadget like a small box, attached to the machine. As she moved this back and forth over Kelly’s stomach a picture began to form on the screen.
At first it was nothing more than a collection of shadows in different shades of grey, some light, some dark. When the nurse said, ‘There’s the head,’ Jake stared, unable to make out any particular shape. He glanced at Kelly, but she was staring at the screen, transfixed, her face radiant. It seemed to Jake that she’d forgotten him. Then he felt a slight touch on his hand, and gradually Kelly’s fingers intertwined with his. Still not looking at him, she gripped him, tightening the pressure until he was wincing. But nothing would have made him pull away.
‘Can you see the head?’ he murmured.
‘Of course. There.’
And suddenly he could see it. What had been all confusion before settled into a head, a form, limbs.
‘I can see hands and feet,’ he breathed.
‘And there’s a good strong heartbeat,’ the nurse confirmed. ‘I believe your last pregnancy ended in miscarriage, Ms Harmon?’
‘That’s right. But I’m sure this one has lasted longer now.’
‘Well, I can tell you, you’ve got a strong healthy child there. See where you can see thumping? That’s the heartbeat.’
They both looked in awed silence while the little dot thumped softly away, with its message of life and hope. The nurse spoke but neither of them heard her. She spoke again, louder.
‘I beg your pardon?’ Kelly said, startled.
‘I asked if you want to know the sex?’
‘No, thank you,’ she said, at exactly the same moment that Jake said, ‘Yes.’
‘All right,’ Kelly said. ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’
