‘No, do it your way,’ Jake hurried to say. ‘After all, it’s not my decision. It doesn’t really concern me.’
In his haste to do what she wanted he felt he might have put that better, but it was too late now.
‘Very well,’ Kelly said quietly. ‘What is it?’
‘A boy.’
She tried to see Jake’s face. She thought she saw a brief expression of sadness, but he was looking steadily at the screen, and it was hard for her to be sure.
‘He’s moving around all the time,’ he said in wonder. ‘Punching and kicking. Does it hurt?’ he added anxiously.
‘I can’t feel a thing,’ she said, looking down at her stomach as though expecting to see it move. There was nothing to see, but the little creature on the screen was never still. Already it had its own world, its own life, separate from the turmoil going on outside.
The nurse gave them a picture from the screen. Jake took charge of it while Kelly adjusted her clothes. Once she glanced up, expecting to see him gazing at the little snap, but he never glanced at it, merely put it in his breast pocket, which he buttoned firmly.
Neither spoke as they left the hospital. As they descended the steps he drew her hand through his arm, to steady her, but they were both moving in a dream. At the foot of the steps he said, ‘Come with me,’ and drew her along the pavement towards the entrance to a shopping precinct.
Still without coming back down to earth, she asked, ‘Where are we going?’
‘To celebrate.’
‘But this is a wool shop.’ He was whisking her through the door.
‘What better place to celebrate a baby? Good morning.’ He advanced on the assistant. ‘I want a ton of white wool-oh, and some blue-and every baby pattern you have.’
This was Jake in an exhilarated mood. There was no holding him back. He went through a sheaf of patterns, tossing each one aside as unsatisfactory.
‘I like those bootees,’ Kelly objected.
‘Nah, these are better.’
‘All right, we’ll have these,’ she said, grabbing a pattern as it flew past. ‘And these rompers, and the bonnet.’
‘How about-?’
‘How much time do you think I have for knitting?’
He considered. ‘I suppose I could do some? After all,’ he added provocatively, ‘if you can do it, how hard can it be?’
Laughing, she slapped him lightly on the arm, and was horrified when he made a sharp noise, visibly wincing. ‘What did I do?’ she asked, shocked.
‘Nothing, I’m just a seven stone weakling.’ He was laughing again, slightly pale, but he was always pale these days. ‘We’ll have these patterns, and this wool.’
They sailed out of the shop laden with wool which Jake insisted on carrying. He’d recovered from whatever had troubled him, and his step was jaunty. Kelly found her mood soaring to meet his. The first stunned realisation was giving way to joy. She gave a hop, and would have stumbled, but Jake saved her.
‘Steady,’ he said. ‘You’re going to have a baby.’
‘Have you only just noticed?’
‘It’s only just become really true.’
‘Yes, of course it has. I’m going to have a baby. Jake,
She threw her arms about him, and he dropped the wool to put his about her, hugging her tightly, while careful of the bump that was just beginning to show.
‘It’s all right,’ he said urgently. ‘Last time you lost it before this, but now you’ve got a healthy baby.
‘I am, aren’t I? I really am.’
‘You really are.’
‘Yes, I am,’ she said, hearing herself becoming idiotic and not caring a bit.
‘Yes, you are.’ He was grinning, catching her mood.
The two of them began to giggle at the same moment, clutching each other, almost hysterical with relief and happiness. Passers-by regarded them with alarm and scuttled past while they shouted with laughter. Kelly clung to him tightly, her head pressed against his chest so that she could hear the soft thud of his heart deep within. And that made her think of the other beating heart, the one they’d seen together: their son.
CHAPTER NINE
THE weeks that followed were among the happiest Kelly had ever known. College had finished for the Easter vacation and she could stay at home all day, reading and making baby clothes, with Jake for company.
He’d never carried out his threat to start knitting, wisely deciding to leave it to the expert. Instead he bought a soft golden teddy bear that Kelly said was big enough to overwhelm any baby.
This was the pregnancy she’d dreamed of last time, with her child’s father there, attentive, striving to be aware of her needs. The only thing that spoilt it was that he didn’t know that he was the father.
Sometimes she wondered why she didn’t tell him that the baby was his. He must surely suspect it, and might only be waiting for her confirmation.
But he never asked, and she wondered if he cared about the answer. He went out of his way to be the perfect brother, helpful and supportive, but it was as though he was responding at arm’s length. However hard she tried, she could detect no sign that he wanted any other relationship than brother.
Until she knew more about what was happening inside his head she couldn’t risk imposing what might be an unwanted burden on a man who was already coping with so much.
For his recovery still had some way to go. He didn’t gain weight fast enough and his pallor didn’t improve, and his strength would fade without warning. But his manner was cheerful and he always insisted that he felt fine. Once she mentioned consulting the doctor and he said firmly, ‘Stop fussing,’ in a way that reminded her of the old Jake.
She came home from shopping one day to find supper ready, but a supper such as she’d never seen before.
‘Sardines and cornflakes?’ she said, wide-eyed.
‘You couldn’t get enough of them last time.’
‘But not together. Anyway, it’s bananas this time.’
‘You’re craving bananas?’ he echoed, disgusted. ‘That’s very unimaginative.’
‘Boring, isn’t it? In fact, I’m even more boring than that. It was a very mild craving and it’s almost over.’
He looked injured. ‘I was only trying to help.’
‘I know you were, and I do appreciate it.’
‘I just didn’t get it right.’
‘Well, if you really want to help me-’
‘Anything, anything.’
‘Don’t say that so readily. You don’t know what I’m going to ask.’
‘It doesn’t matter what it is. You have my absolute, binding, unbreakable promise.’
‘Fine. Come to birth classes with me.’
‘You tricked that promise out of me.’
‘Oh, yeah! I never asked you for “absolute, binding and unbreakable.”’
‘Then let me off.’
‘No way!’
She made a noise like a chicken clucking, and he glared.
