And Baby Makes Three

‘Don’t you have an outgoing personality?’ he asked with a touch of surprise.

‘Not really. Sometimes yes; sometimes no. My wary side can take over. But he doesn’t seem to have a wary side.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Jared grinned.

‘He’s got no sense of fear. It makes me want to protect him, but then he gets so cross.’

He nodded. ‘I can imagine. I’ve always been the same. In fact I-’

‘What is it?’ she asked, for he seemed suddenly uneasy.

‘Last night-I should apologise, shouldn’t I?’

‘What for?’

‘Well-Mike-’

‘But you were wonderful with Mike. You told him just what he needed to hear. If his hero has bad dreams too then it isn’t sissy, is it? Why would you apologise for that?’

‘Thanks-I’m glad if I helped. But-well-’ He was floundering. He seldom apologised to anyone about anything, unless it was the kind of light-hearted ‘sorry’ he’d give Hal after a race. But this apology mattered. Mike mattered. She mattered.

‘I did rather take him over, didn’t I?’ he managed to say at last. ‘You’re his mother, but I didn’t give you a chance. Why are you smiling?’

‘At how easily fooled you are,’ she said in delight.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Jared, you didn’t take Mike over. He took you over.’

He stared. ‘Yes, I guess he did at that.’

‘What he wants he just goes for. You, me, Sam and Ethel, the kids at school, even the teachers sometimes. We all end up dancing to his tune.’

Jared gave a rueful grin. ‘I guess I just fell into line. That’s all right-as long as you weren’t upset.’

She shook her head. ‘You made him happy, and that’s all I care about.’

‘All?’ he asked casually, not looking at her.

‘I’m a parent. My baby comes first. It goes with the territory.’ The moment had come. She took a deep breath and added quietly, ‘I guess you know why I’m saying that.’

She half expected him to flinch away, play dumb, but she had underestimated him. He met her eyes, defenceless. ‘It’s true, then? He’s mine?’

‘Yes,’ she said simply.

‘Mine-my son.’

Although he must have suspected the truth it still seemed to bewilder him. He repeated the words in a daze, as though trying to understand them.

‘My child-’ he whispered. ‘He’s my child-mine.’

Suddenly he dropped his head into his hands. Across the narrow table Kaye could see him shaking and was strangely invaded by pity.

‘Jared,’ she murmured, reaching out to him. ‘It’s all right.’

As soon as he felt the touch of her fingers he seized them in a terrible grip, not raising his head but shaking it from side to side like a man in a state of confusion. She reached out her other hand, caressing what little she could see of his face.

‘It’s all right,’ she repeated. She wasn’t quite sure what she meant by the words, except to convey a message of warmth and reassurance.

‘It’s not all right,’ he groaned, raising his head. ‘How could I have been such a fool? When we parted that night I was sure that I’d been careful-but that was just me being stupid and ignorant. You were so young and innocent-a virgin-and I couldn’t face my own guilt. I told myself you’d get in touch if anything went wrong, and when you didn’t I thought all was well. Kaye, why didn’t you tell me? Did you hate me?’

‘No, of course not. I tried to contact you, but by the time I suspected I was pregnant you’d left the firm and you weren’t easy to get in touch with. It was like a wall had come down around you. I sent a text to your cell phone and got back a message saying, ‘Thank you for contacting Jared Marriot. This number is now closed, but he thanks you for your good wishes.”

Jared closed his eyes, as though seeking refuge from the terrible truth, or perhaps from himself. Kaye, still holding his hand, gave it a little squeeze.

‘I think that was Mirella,’ he said. ‘We were getting close, but she tried to manipulate me even closer. I broke it off because she went too far, tried to keep people away, but I never realised how far she’d gone. But it’s still my fault. I should have contacted you. I should have-’

‘Hush,’ she said gently. ‘It’s long ago. We were both younger-’

‘And I was stupid and selfish. Why did you let me get away with it? You might have sued me for support-showed me up for the world to jeer at-’

‘But they wouldn’t have jeered at you,’ she said wryly. ‘Just me, for being rejected.’

‘I didn’t reject you,’ he said with soft violence. ‘Call me immature, irresponsible, half-witted-’

‘If you really want me to,’ she said with a slight smile. ‘Anything you say.’

‘I deserve it. I deserve everything bad you could say or do.’ He checked himself and sighed. ‘But that wouldn’t help, would it? I’m floundering around, not facing things, just as I did then. You’re the one who’s had all the problems.’

‘And all the happiness,’ she reminded him. ‘I’ve had five years of watching Mike grow, learn to walk and talk, discovering how bright he is. You’ve missed all that. I reckon I’m the lucky one.’

‘But you were left to raise him without any help from me. I wasn’t there when you gave birth. I’ve never been there when it mattered. Don’t make it easy for me, Kaye. Even with Sam and Ethel you must have been lonely.’

‘Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.’

‘Any-particular friends?’

She guessed he was angling to find out about boyfriends, but she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.

‘They come and go,’ she said vaguely. ‘I don’t tend to lay out the welcome mat.’

‘No, I can imagine. But I still don’t understand why you didn’t pursue me and make me face my responsibilities.’

‘I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. Or you might have pressured me to end the pregnancy-’

‘Would you have done that?’

How could he dare to ask that? she wondered. She could never have destroyed the child that she carried, but especially not his child-the child of a man who’d touched her heart, even though their time together had been brief. What had happened to her that night had stayed a part of her-not just in her pregnancy, but in the way her spirit had clung to him ever since. But clearly this was something he couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. Her antagonism flared again.

‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘I wouldn’t have done that.’

‘Are you angry with me for asking?’

‘A bit. You see-’