Christmas Wishes, Mistletoe Kisses

fledgling relationship should have to take.

Ninety-nine per cent of her knew there was nothing to worry about. But too many years of looking over her shoulder, of second-guessing everything the man in her life did, had left her wary. And that one per cent was like an itch she couldn’t help scratching. What if…?

She pressed her forehead against the cold glass and let her breath steam the window. Wishes and dreams were all very well when they stayed inside your head but, once they crossed the threshold into the real world, they were fragile, vulnerable-like the paper-thin glass baubles on a Christmas tree.

What was wrong with her? Hadn’t she wanted someone to look at her the way Ben looked at her? To see right inside her?

But there was her problem. Daydream Louise had been her better self, her angel. When Real Louise looked deep down to see what Ben saw, it wasn’t comfortable at all. No sugar, no spice, no all things nice. Just fear and loneliness and broken parts of the person she’d once been that she didn’t know how to fix. And if Ben couldn’t see all that, maybe he wasn’t really seeing her after all.

Abruptly, she pulled away from the window. Stop it! You’ll make yourself crazy playing mind games like this.

The crunch of boots on the gravel outside had her spinning round and pressing herself against the window once again. For the second time that day, she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.

Ben?

He was supposed to be in Exeter.

She flattened a palm against the window, wanting to reach out to him, but glad the barrier was in place. Her movement must have caught his eye because he suddenly spotted her there and walked straight towards her.

His eyes said it all. Believe me.

Pinned by his gaze, she stood motionless as he raised his hand and pressed it against the outside of the window, covering the outline of her hand completely. She studied it, then let her eyes meet his again.

Let me in, they said.

Wordlessly, she peeled her hand away and moved towards the study door. Ben mirrored her and when she opened the heavy panelled front door he was standing there, waiting. Now, with no transparent barrier between them, they both hesitated. It was Ben who broke the silence.

‘I can explain.’

She almost didn’t need the words. His face told her everything she needed to know. The pain etched there broke her heart and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. He gave no resistance and walked into her arms, burying his face in the hollow of her neck. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered against her skin. ‘She came to apologise. I was careless.’

She nodded, her chin butting into his shoulder. ‘Why are you here? Where’s Jas?’

He took a step back and steadied himself-or was it her?-by placing a hand on each of her shoulders.

‘She’s with my sister. Believe me, I’m heavily in debt in the babysitting stakes. But I had to see you, to know you were okay.’

He smoothed the hair away from her face with such tenderness. Her eyes began to tingle and fill. ‘I’m okay. We’re okay. It just…shook me for a moment.’

Colour that she hadn’t realised had been missing returned to his face and his whole body seemed to exhale. She tried a shaky smile and it seemed to work.

‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Let’s do something normal. How about a cup of tea?’

Ben began to laugh. ‘Please, no. Anything but that! I finally think I’ve drunk my fill.’

‘We’ll have to switch to coffee, then. You go ahead and put the kettle on. There’s something I’ve got to do.’

He looked over his shoulder twice as he disappeared down the hall to the kitchen, and she watched him until he disappeared. Then she nipped into the study, highlighted Jason’s email and deleted it.

As she turned to leave, she spotted Ben’s palm print on the window. She felt it must mean something, but she didn’t know what, and that bothered her. Some vital piece of information was missing, something she needed to know but couldn’t yet. And that just made the one per cent of doubt tickle all the harder.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

THE lanes wound so tightly as he neared Whitehaven that Ben had to slow the car to a crawl. In places only an ancient stone wall separated the road from a steep hill that fell away into the river. Tall pines and beeches towered overhead and, even if the moon had deigned to glimpse from behind a cloud, it wouldn’t have illuminated much.

The road dipped halfway down the hill, signalling the descent that led to Whitehaven’s main gate, and Ben’s stomach dipped with it. The last week had been an emotional roller coaster ride, yet those seven short days now felt like a lifetime.

Cold swirled around him-not from the vents; they were blasting warm air. It was just the physical reaction he seemed to have every time he thought about how he might have lost Louise. He never wanted to feel that way again.

In the drive from Exeter to see her, he’d felt completely un-hitched from any point in reality. She turned him inside out and upside down. And, a couple of months ago, he would have thought that a bad thing.

Perhaps he was going insane. That would certainly account for the small satin-covered box in his pocket. It would make sense of the square-cut diamond nestled within. Just like a magpie, he hadn’t been able to resist it when he’d seen it in the jeweller’s window. Not that he was going to do anything with it yet. It was far too soon. It was just with him for safekeeping. For luck.

And, besides, he had another, less conventional gift for her. One that would leave her with no shadow of a doubt that she was the only one in his heart. It was a gamble, but he wasn’t prepared to sit down in defeat as Louise had. He’d decided to fight-for them. For her.

Amidst the shifting shapes of the wind-blown branches, his headlights fell upon the thick vertical posts of Whitehaven’s gates. The level drive traversed the hill with only a slight curve. He squeezed his foot on the accelerator. Not that he was late; just because he needed to.

He parked right outside the front door. The gravel drive was probably murder to negotiate in high heels. Feeling as nervous as a sixteen-year-old on his first proper date, he eased himself from the car and rang the bell. No one came. It was only as he reached for it a second time that he noticed the small note taped underneath it: ‘Come inside. L x.’

Now his heart really started to race. Stop it, he told himself. There’s no need for this. You’re not going to say anything…ask anything…tonight. It’s too early.

He entered the marble-tiled hallway and paused. ‘Louise?’

‘Up here.’ Her voice drifted down through the crystals in the hanging chandelier. ‘I’ll be one more minute.’

Now, the untrained observer would have expected a woman like Louise to keep him waiting, but it didn’t surprise him in the least when, almost exactly sixty seconds later, he heard a door open upstairs and the swish of expensive fabric on the landing.

At first he couldn’t see her properly. The glittering crystals in the chandelier distorted his view. But, as she reached the top of the stairs and started to descend, he got the whole picture.

He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t smile. Heck, he couldn’t even breathe.

The dress was long and the shade of midnight, in some heavy, shiny fabric that flared slightly as it fell to her ankles. And her hair…it was held in glossy waves and pinned up at the back, just like a nineteen-twenties movie star.

‘You look stunning,’ he managed to mutter as she reached the foot of the stairs and smiled at him. Just as well he got that out before she turned round and revealed the impossibly low back.

Unfortunately, he needed to go to this party to keep Lord Batterham sweet, otherwise he’d have been tempted to see if that satin was as soft as it looked, if it would fall off her shoulders easily and ripple as it slid to her