Appointment at the Altar

‘They think we’re making a big effort to keep our personal and professional lives separate. They probably all imagine that we’re spending fabulously romantic evenings together. Only you and I know that’s not true,’ he said in a dry voice.

Lucy’s eyes dropped first.

‘Look, it’s only another couple of weeks,’ Guy said. ‘Ring Hal and see what he says. If there’s a problem, I’ll talk to him, but I want you here to make sure that party is a success and that we can build that paediatric unit for Michael. It’ll mean a lot to my mother if we can raise enough money to do it soon.’

‘And the engagement?’

‘Let’s agree to have an argument there, after which I’ll tell anyone who asks that it’s all off. That was your suggestion, after all,’ he said with a glimmer of his old smile. ‘After that, you’re free to go where you like, do what you want. But the party comes first. It’s time for you to finish something, Lucy.’

Fireworks exploded above Lucy’s head in a dazzling display of colour and noise, and she smiled at the oohs and aahs that rose around her. Even the most jaded sophisticate found it hard to resist a firework display. There was something so… celebratory about the whoosh and the bang and the burst of sparkling light.

‘So this is where you are.’

The sound of Guy’s voice sent Lucy’s pulse whooshing upwards along with the fireworks and she turned to see him, immaculate as ever in a dinner jacket and bow-tie. She had been aware of him circulating amongst the guests, smiling, welcoming, making everyone he spoke to feel an essential part of the party, but she had deliberately avoided him.

She had worked so hard to make the party a success and she was pleased, of course, that it had exceeded all her expectations, but with the fulfilment of that promise came the dull realisation that this was the end. After tonight, she would no longer have a job at Dangerfield & Dunn. That stupid pretence that she was engaged to Guy would be over and she would have no further excuse to see him at all.

And now here he was, and she was going to have to find a way to say goodbye.

‘I’ve been looking all over for you,’ said Guy.

‘I’ve been behind the scenes mostly,’ said Lucy.

‘Well, whatever you’ve been doing, it’s worked. You’ve done a fantastic job. Everyone keeps telling me what a great time they’re having, and the Chief Executive of the hospital can’t wipe the smile off her face. I thought you’d be good, but I didn’t realise you’d be this good.’

Lucy swallowed. ‘Thank you for giving me the opportunity to organise it.’ Her voice sounded high and stiff. ‘I’ve learnt a lot about events management.’

Guy looked at her. She was wearing the little black dress that she had worn to the Sheldons’ party. It brought back bittersweet memories, but she could hardly leave it sitting in the wardrobe just because he had kissed her. It was Lucy’s only smart dress, and it was special. She had wanted to wear it tonight when she said goodbye.

Her throat tightened horribly at the thought, and above their heads the fireworks exploded in a spectacular finale, then fizzled out. Like her time with Guy, she thought painfully.

‘You look beautiful,’ said Guy suddenly. ‘You shouldn’t be hiding out here. Come and dance.’

‘No, I…’ Lucy couldn’t bear to smile, to laugh, to pretend any more. She was going to have to say goodbye some time. Better to do it now, in the dark. ‘It’s so hot in those marquees,’ she said. ‘I’m enjoying the cool.’

‘OK,’ he said, his eyes never leaving her face. ‘Shall we walk for a bit?’

She nodded. Just say it, she told herself sternly. Say, It’s time we said goodbye, Guy. It won’t be so hard. But she couldn’t unlock her jaw to get the words out.

They walked around the gardens in silence for a while, Lucy desperately storing up memories of the way he moved, the way he turned his head, the tilt at the corner of his mouth.

‘Hal told me you rang,’ said Guy at last. ‘He said Meredith had come home.’

‘She did, yes, but that was another thing I got wrong,’ said Lucy bitterly. ‘It turns out that Richard isn’t in love with either of us. He’s more interested in that sneaky little nurse.’

She hugged her arms together, remembering her dismay when Meredith had told her what had happened at the hospital. ‘I thought I could make Meredith’s dream come true but it was all for nothing,’ she said sadly. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have waited until I was sure, instead of raising her hopes like that.’ Lucy bit her lip. ‘I keep thinking that I’ve learnt how to be responsible, but I keep getting things wrong.’

‘You can’t make your sister’s dreams come true,’ said Guy. ‘She has to do that for herself. We all have to do that.’

Lucy mustered a smile. ‘Well, I’m working on mine,’ she told him.

‘You are?’ He stopped and looked at her. ‘How?’

‘I’ve decided that I’m going to make a career for myself in events management,’ she told him brightly. ‘I’m going to set up my own company.’

There was a tiny pause. ‘Good for you,’ said Guy.

‘I’ve even picked up a client tonight, and several people have asked for my card.’

‘That’s great. No, I mean it,’ he said, as if hearing the flatness in his voice. ‘I think you’ll do brilliantly.’

‘So it looks as if it’s time to move on.’ Lucy was breathing very carefully. ‘It’s probably time we had that argument, in fact.’

‘What argument?’

‘The one that makes you realise that I’m the last woman you’d want to spend your life with, and makes me throw my non-existent ring back in your face.’

‘Oh, that argument.’ They had walked some way from the marquees, but the night air was alive with the sound of voices and laughter, a mocking counterpoint to the tension pooling around them. ‘If that’s what you want,’ said Guy in a hard voice.

‘Well…it’s what we agreed,’ she said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

His eyes looked into hers. ‘What are we going to argue about?’

‘I…I guess I could complain about the way you flirt with other women,’ she tried to joke, but he didn’t smile back.

‘I don’t.’

‘Or you could say that I’m too frivolous and silly for you.’

‘You’re not.’

‘Then perhaps we could just decide that we’re incompatible.’

‘Are we?’

Lucy made herself look away from his gaze. ‘I think so, Guy,’ she said painfully. ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ she tried to explain. ‘You know who you are. You know what you want to do. I feel as if I need to find myself, do something for myself.’

She paused. ‘When I came to your office that time, you told me to finish organising this party. Finish something, you said, and I realised that I’d never done that before. This is the first project I’ve seen through to the end. I just drift along, never getting to grips with anything…I don’t really know who I am or what I can do,’ she told him. ‘I need to find that out on my own.’

Her voice was starting to wobble and she took a deep breath. ‘I want you to know, though, that the last few weeks have been some of the happiest I’ve ever had-and I’ve had lots of happy weeks. I’ve really enjoyed working for Dangerfield & Dunn, and I’m more grateful than I can say for the opportunities you’ve given me. And…and it’s going to break my heart to say goodbye,’ she finished in a rush.

‘Then why say it?’ asked Guy.

‘Because I need to know if what I feel for you is real,’ she said, meeting his eyes fully at last. ‘Or is it just like what I felt for Kevin? I could tell you that I loved you, Guy; how could you ever believe me, even if you wanted to hear it? How can I be sure of it myself? I want to find a way to prove it to myself. Can you understand that?’ she asked anxiously.

He sighed. ‘In a way,’ he said at last. ‘I understand that you need some time to work things out for yourself, anyway. So…’He took her hands and found a smile. ‘We’d better have that argument, then. You go first.’

Lucy’s smile wavered but she pressed her lips together to stop it falling apart. ‘Guy, you’re a horrible person,’ she said, her eyes on his.

‘And you’re no fun,’ he replied. His clasp was warm and steadying and it was as if they were having two