Barefoot Bride

hadn’t caught sight of Beth emerging from the office a few minutes later, looking pale and wan. She’d asked him if he had seen Roger, so of course he had said no. He couldn’t have her interrupting that scene behind the lab, but, from her drawn look, he couldn’t help thinking that she already suspected that something was wrong.

And now Alice wasn’t even bothering to deny it.

‘Roger and I have always hugged and kissed each other,’ she said, her eyes blazing at his tone. ‘He’s a friend and that’s what we do. We’re not all repressed scientists,’ she was unable to resist adding snidely.

‘Is Beth a friend too?’

‘You know she is.’

‘You don’t treat her like one,’ said Will harshly. ‘I saw her today too. She looked wretched, and I’m not surprised, if she has any idea of what you and her husband are up to!’

For a moment, Alice was so outraged that she couldn’t speak, could only gulp in disbelief and fury. ‘Are you implying that Roger and I are having an affair?’ she asked dangerously when she could get the words out.

‘I’m saying that you don’t behave to him the way you should if you were a good friend to Beth.’

‘How dare you!’ Alice surged to her feet, shaking with fury. ‘I’ve known Roger for years and there’s never been anything between us. You should know that better than anyone! I love Roger dearly, but we’ve never felt like that about each other.’

‘Are you sure about that?’ Will asked unpleasantly, remembering that disastrous evening when Roger had confessed how he really felt about Alice.

‘Yes, I’m sure! And, even if I wasn’t, do you really think that I’m the kind of person who would break up a friend’s marriage?’ She shook her head, unable to believe that Will could be saying such things. ‘What do you think I am? We’ve been sleeping together, for God’s sake! What did you think, that I was just making do with you because I couldn’t have Roger?’

Turning away with an exclamation of disbelief and disgust, she wrapped her arms around her in an attempt to stop herself shaking. ‘I suppose you think that after Tony left, I came out here deliberately to ensnare Roger because I didn’t have a man of my own!’

‘I’m a scientist,’ said Will, who didn’t believe anything of the kind but who was too angry to think about what he was saying. Seeing Alice with Roger had provided an outlet for all the pent-up anger, confusion and bitterness he had been feeling ever since she had refused to stay, and he wasn’t capable of thinking clearly right now. ‘I believe the evidence, and I’ve seen you cuddling up to Roger at every opportunity. You can’t tell me that you’ve never thought what that does to him!’

Alice turned slowly to stare at him. ‘I don’t believe this,’ she said. ‘How can you possibly think that about me? You know me!’

‘I used to,’ he said bleakly. ‘I’m not sure I do know you any more.’

There was an appalled silence.

‘I think I’d better go,’ said Alice in a shaking voice at last, and she turned blindly for the door.

The expression on her face brought Will to his senses too late, and he scrambled to his feet. ‘Alice, wait!’

But she only shook her head without looking at him. ‘I’ll leave tomorrow,’ she said, and let the screen door click back into place behind her.

Alice sat carefully down on the back steps next to Lily. She had broken the news at breakfast that she was leaving that day and it had gone even worse than she had feared. Not that Lily had cried or had a tantrum. She had simply stared disbelievingly at Alice out of dark eyes, then had got up without a word and run out into the garden. Heavy hearted, Alice had finished her packing. Now Roger was waiting with a bleak-faced Will by the car, and she had come to try and say goodbye to Lily.

Lily wouldn’t acknowledge her presence at first. Her body was rigid, her face averted, and Alice was dismayed to see the closed, blank expression that she remembered from their first meeting.

‘Lily,’ she began helplessly. ‘I’m sorry I have to go like this. I was going anyway in a few days, but I didn’t want it to be this way.’

‘I don’t care,’ said Lily, but a spasm crossed her face, and Alice’s heart cracked. It wasn’t long since this child had lost her mother, and now the next person she had allowed close seemed to be abandoning her too. She tried to put a comforting arm around her, but Lily shook it off.

‘Oh, Lily, it’s not that I want to leave you,’ she sighed.

‘Then why are you going? Is it because I’ve been naughty?’

‘Of course not,’ said Alice, appalled. ‘Of course not, Lily. It’s nothing to do with you. I wish I could explain but it’s…complicated…adult stuff,’ she said lamely. She wasn’t going to leave Lily thinking that it had anything to do with Will. Her father was the only constant in her life now, and, hurt as Alice was, she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise his relationship with his daughter.

‘Helen will be coming soon,’ she went on. ‘And it’ll be difficult for her if I’m still here. I’m going to miss you more than I can say, but you’ll like Helen, I promise you.’

‘I won’t!’ Lily jumped furiously to her feet. ‘I’ll hate her like I hate you!’ she shouted, and ran off before Alice could reach out to her.

Unable to keep back the tears any longer, Alice buried her face in her hands and wept.

The screen door creaked, and she could hear steps on the wooden verandah before someone sat down beside her. ‘She doesn’t hate you,’ Will’s voice said gently. ‘She loves you. She’s only angry because you’re leaving her, and she doesn’t understand why.’

There was a pause, punctuated by Alice’s hiccupping sobs.

‘I don’t have Lily’s excuse,’ Will went on after a moment. ‘I do understand why you’re going, but I was still angry because I love you, too, and I don’t want you to go, even though I know that you must.’

Alice’s hands were still covering her face, but her sobs had subsided slightly, and he could tell that she was listening.

‘I’m so sorry about last night, Alice,’ he said quietly. ‘I said some unforgivable things, and I said them because I’m a jealous fool, but really because I was looking for an excuse to hate you, like Lily, because making myself hate you seemed like the only way I could bear the thought of you leaving me.’

Drawing a shuddering breath, Alice lifted her head at last and wiped her eyes with a wobbly thumb. She didn’t say anything, but Will was encouraged enough to go on. ‘It was a childish reaction, I know, but I haven’t been thinking straight recently. I’ve been flailing round, so wretched and miserable because you were going that I would say anything.

‘I lied when I said I didn’t know you, Alice,’ he said. ‘I do know you. You’re the truest person I know. You would never do anything to hurt Roger or Beth, and I knew it when I was saying it. I just wanted to hurt you so that you felt what I was feeling.’

Alice opened her mouth, but he put a gentle finger on her lips. ‘Let me finish. I’ve made such a bloody mess of everything, Alice. I’ve hurt you, and because I’ve hurt you I’ve hurt Lily, and I don’t know how I’m going to forgive myself for either.’

He looked into Alice’s golden eyes, puffy now and swimming with tears, but still beautiful. ‘I won’t ask you again if you’ll stay. I know you’ve got your life to go back to, and goodbyes like these are too hard to go through again. Go with Roger now, and fly home as you planned. I’ll look after Lily. She’ll be all right.

‘I hope you find what you’re looking for, Alice,’ he went on, although his throat was so tight he had to force the words out. ‘I hope you’ll be happy, as happy as we were here, and all those years ago. I’ve always loved you, and I know now that I always will. It’s only ever going to be you, Alice,’ he said with an unsteady smile. ‘I want you to know that if you ever change your mind, and think you can take a chance on being loved utterly and completely, Lily and I will be here for you, and we’ll take as much or as little as you can give.’

‘Will…I…I don’t know what to say,’ said Alice hopelessly.

‘You don’t need to say anything.’ Will put a hand under her elbow and helped her to her feet. ‘You need to go home and decide for yourself what you really want, without me shouting at you and Lily piling on the emotional blackmail!’

‘Tell Lily…’ Alice’s voice cracked and she couldn’t go on, but Will seemed to understand what she needed to say.