Honeymoon with the Boss

be like to wear a dress like this?

Find out.

The thought slid insidiously into her head and lodged there. Why not try it on, after all? It wasn’t her dress…but Julia didn’t want it. What harm could it do, just to see what she would look like as a bride?

Imogen dithered, then made up her mind. Quickly, she pulled off her clothes and examined the dress in her bra and knickers. Unzipping it carefully, she stepped into the skirt and pulled up the bodice in front of the mirror. The heavy silk felt gorgeous against her skin.

Smiling at her reflection, Imogen reached for the side zip-and the dream promptly shattered under the crashing fist of reality.

There was no way this zip was ever going to do up with her inside it.

Imogen watched her smile wiped out by a wash of humiliation, and a blotchy tide of embarrassed colour surged up her throat. There might as well have been a crowd of spectators, pointing and jeering.

What had she been thinking? She knew how slender and elegant Julia was. She had to be a good three sizes bigger than Tom’s erstwhile fiancee. Of course she wasn’t going to fit into Julia’s dress.

Of course she wasn’t going to fit into Julia’s life.

Because that was what she really wanted, Imogen realised dully. She wanted to be slim and sophisticated and beautiful and clever and the kind of woman Tom really wanted to share his life. But she wasn’t any of those things. She had to face reality, and the reality was that Tom Maddison was out of her league. He was never going to love her. If he couldn’t love Julia, he couldn’t love anyone, and she would be fooling herself if she let herself believe otherwise.

And Imogen needed to be loved. That had been the dream, she understood now. It wasn’t the wedding, or the dress. It was that moment of looking at Tom and believing that he loved her.

Well, it wasn’t going to happen, and she had to accept that. No matter what she told herself about chemistry, it wouldn’t be enough.

A fantasy, Tom had called it. Well, maybe it was, but Imogen knew that nothing else would do. I’m not prepared to settle for anything less than love, she had told him, and she was right. She had thought that she could compromise, but she couldn’t.

Miserably, she stepped out of the dress and put it back on its hanger, before carrying it over to lay it on the pile destined for the charity shop. Someone was going to get a fabulous bargain.

But it wasn’t going to be her.

‘That’s it for now.’ Imogen closed her notebook and got to her feet. ‘Except…’ she fished in a folder for a piece of paper and passed it across the desk to Tom ‘…I thought you would like to see the job description I’ve prepared.’

‘Job description?’

‘For your new PA.’

Tom felt as if she had reached across the desk and slapped him.

‘You’re leaving?’

‘I told you that I was planning to travel.’

‘I thought you said June?’ The words felt unwieldy in his mouth and he had to force himself to take the sheet of paper.

‘I’ve advanced my plans a bit,’ said Imogen. ‘I’ve got a great deal on a flight to Australia leaving in a month.’

A month? Tom felt sick. She obviously couldn’t wait to get away.

He stared at the job description, but the words danced in front of his eyes. He should have expected this, he knew. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t told him very clearly that she wanted to travel. Now he felt a fool for letting himself hope that she would want to stay after all.

It had been stupid of him to even think about trying to find a way back to how things had been on the island.

He had wanted to be careful, knowing that it would be a mistake to rush into anything. Even if Julia’s desire to rush into marriage hadn’t taught him a lesson, Tom needed to be sure about what he felt. Imogen wasn’t like any other girlfriend he had ever had. She didn’t fit into his life the way Julia had. She was disturbing, distracting. She had thrown him into turmoil and made him question everything he’d ever thought he wanted. Tom didn’t like the way it left him feeling churned up and out of control.

There had been part of him hoping that this feeling would pass. He didn’t want to hurt Imogen by telling her that he wanted her, and then realising that he didn’t. Tom knew what it was like to be messed around, and he wasn’t going to do to Imogen what Julia had done to him.

It was just as well he hadn’t said anything, Tom decided. Imogen had obviously been making her own plans, and it would have been awkward for her to find a kind way to let him down. At least this way he would be spared the humiliation of having his feelings thrown back in his face.

This way, he hadn’t risked exposing himself only to be left again.

It was probably all for the best, in fact.

‘That looks fine,’ he said and handed the job description back to Imogen, not having read a word of it. ‘Pass it on to HR and tell them it’s urgent. I want someone in place before you go.’

Imogen took a final look around her office. No, not hers. It had only ever been temporary, like everything else in her life. She had a temporary job, a temporary relationship on the island, and now she was going off on a temporary trip. When she came back, Imogen vowed, she was going to settle and make something permanent.

But the only permanence she wanted was Tom. The last month had been horrible. Oh, she had put a good face on it. She had smiled and pretended that she was looking forward to her trip. She had told herself that once she got to Australia everything would feel different, but that was what she had told herself after Coconut Island, wasn’t it?

Imogen didn’t believe it now. She knew that wanting Tom didn’t get easier, that loving him didn’t get any less. Her memories of the island were no less vivid now than they had been the day after they came back. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him, but she couldn’t bear to stay. Much better to face reality. It would be all too easy to waste her life hoping for the impossible.

What was the point of hankering after a man who didn’t know how to love? She might love Tom, but he could never make her happy. She needed to love someone who would love her back, who needed her the way she needed him, and that someone wasn’t Tom.

For the past month he had been distant and their conversation largely limited to work, although every now and then he had asked after her plans, as if to underline the fact that he was perfectly happy with her going. He had appointed a new PA, a coolly efficient woman called Judy with impressive qualifications and tons of high-level experience, who would suit Tom perfectly. He wouldn’t miss her at all.

Facing reality hurt.

‘Come on, Imogen, we’re all waiting for you.’ Sue from HR was beckoning from the door. ‘You can’t be late for your own farewell party.’

‘I’ve never had a party when leaving a temp job before,’ said Imogen as they made their way down to one of the conference rooms. She was baffled by the fuss everyone was making. ‘I’ve only been here a few months.’

‘It feels like longer,’ said Sue. ‘We’re all going to miss you. Wait until you see the turnout!’

Imogen’s throat tightened when she saw how many people had come to say goodbye and wish her well. She smiled shakily. ‘Stop being so nice! You’re going to make me wish I wasn’t leaving.’

‘Oh, yes, of course you’d rather stay here with us than go to Australia!’

There was much good-natured envy of her travels. Imogen plastered on a big smile and agreed that she was incredibly lucky, but all the time she was aware that Tom wasn’t there. He had had to go to a meeting, but he had said that he would be back in time for her farewell party.

Imogen dreaded saying goodbye to him, but perhaps it would be better to do it in front of everyone else. An audience might stop her making a complete fool of herself.

‘Where’s the boss?’ grumbled Neville from Finance. ‘We can’t start the party until he’s done the speech.’

‘We can’t start the party until he’s gone,’ said someone else. ‘He’s not exactly a bundle of fun, is he?’