with a baby to look after and minimal maintenance. Thea says that she’s been struggling on her own ever since. You should look her up,’ she went on airily. ‘Maybe you could finally get her out of your system.’
‘She’s not
‘Sure you have,’ Janey scoffed, and he was so incensed that he ended up letting her set him up on some stupid blind date just to prove to her that he was perfectly ready to meet someone who bore not the slightest resemblance to Nell.
But now, extraordinarily, Nell was here, sitting beside him, and he could smell the faint drift of her perfume and see the curve of her cheek and the downward sweep of her lashes. He yearned suddenly to be able to reach out and touch her and feel her warmth, for her to smile at him and make the lost years disappear. But years didn’t just disappear like that, P.J. knew. They were gone, and nothing could get them back.
Nell’s voice brought him back to the present. ‘Isn’t it true, then?’ she asked.
‘Isn’t what true?’
‘That you’ve made your fortune?’
‘Yes, I’ve made a lot of money,’ said P.J. in a down-to-earth voice. ‘Janey says it’s an obscene amount of money.’ He half smiled. ‘I didn’t set out to be rich, though. I wanted to build a business, and that was the exciting part. The money just came along with the success.’
‘Must be nice, though,’ said Nell, thinking of the bills and the mortgage and the credit card payments that loomed over her every month.
‘Sure. It’s great to be able to buy a car like this without thinking about it but…’
‘You’re not going to tell me that money isn’t everything, are you, P.J.?’
P.J. laughed a little ruefully at the dangerous sweetness of her tone. ‘Guilty as accused!’ he confessed. ‘It’s a horrible cliche, I know, but it really
‘I miss that feeling,’ he told her. Nearly as much as he had missed her, and being able to talk to her like this. ‘Going out on a limb, trying something new, working flat out to make your idea succeed because the alternative is just too dire to contemplate… Now I’ve got a huge business, but I’ve got nothing to do! I employ thousands of people to do what I once did by myself, and it’s all a bit…I don’t know…dull, I guess. I’ve been feeling recently as if I need a new challenge, or something new to get excited about.’
‘You should have a family,’ said Nell lightly. ‘It’s hard to be bored with kids around. And you’d soon find a use for all that money you’ve got sitting around. You have no idea how expensive children are!’
‘So Janey is always telling me,’ said P.J.
There was a pause. ‘Have you ever thought about having a family?’ she asked, trying to sound casual, as if having children weren’t the issue that had pushed them apart all those years ago.
He nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I’ve thought about it a lot. I guess I made the classic mistake of thinking that I should wait until the time was right, and then found that the time was right, but my relationship wasn’t.’
‘You’ve never married?’
‘No…I’ve come close, but…no.’
And it wasn’t anything to do with Nell, whatever Janey said, P.J. swore to himself. It was just that he had never found another woman who was as easy to talk to as she was, who had felt quite as right in his arms, or who could offer him the same sense of peace when she lay warm against him.
‘So you’re still looking for the right woman?’ Nell asked.
P.J. took his eyes off the road to glance at her, and their eyes met for a jarring moment as he remembered how desolate he had felt when she had told him that she was going to marry Simon Shea. ‘We belong together,’ he had told her, not too proud to plead.
‘You’ll find someone else,’ she had said, her voice shaking with tears. ‘Somewhere out there is the perfect woman for you.’
‘No, there isn’t.’ His voice had been as bleak as his heart. ‘It’ll only ever be you.’
All rubbish, naturally. How melodramatic he had been, P.J. thought indulgently. Of course there would be someone for him, just as Nell had said. He just hadn’t found her yet.
‘Yes,’ he said, striving to sound suitably cheerful. ‘Still looking.’
CHAPTER FOUR
‘I WOULDN’T have thought it would be that difficult,’ said Nell, thinking that she couldn’t be the only woman who had noticed what an attractive man he had grown into. ‘Surely billionaires get to have their pick of beautiful women?’ she added with an ironic look.
‘You’d be surprised,’ said P.J. ‘Janey says I’m impossible to please.’
He hadn’t been hard to please before, thought Nell. All she had had to do was to be herself. Her gaze slid sideways to rest on his profile, lingering on the corner of his cool mouth, before drifting down to the lean, tough body and the competent hands on the steering wheel, and something turned over inside her.
She looked away. Inside the car, the silence seemed suddenly loud, and she could hear her heart thumping.
P.J. seemed aware of the same constraint. ‘That’s enough about my financially rewarding but ultimately empty life,’ he said, mocking himself. ‘Tell me what you’ve been doing.’
‘Oh…’ Nell lifted her shoulders a little helplessly. ‘What is there to say? My life has been very unglamorous compared to yours. I’ve taken no risks and had no staggering success. I can’t boast about my transatlantic lifestyle. I haven’t even got a car, let alone one like this. I’ve just spent the last sixteen years getting through the days and bringing up my daughter as best I can. Not very exciting, I’m afraid.’
‘I hate to sound like a walking cliche,’ said P.J. with an ironic glance, ‘but bringing up a happy, healthy child has to be more worthwhile in the long run than making millions.’
‘It’s probably as hard work, especially when you’re on your own,’ said Nell in a wry voice. ‘Clara was hardly more than a baby when Simon left, so it was difficult to find a job that I could fit around looking after her.’
About to tell him about the expense of childcare, Nell caught herself just in time. She didn’t want to sound like a sad, single mother, consumed with bitterness about her divorce and perpetually moaning about money. If she couldn’t compete with him in the glamorous lifestyle stakes, she could at least convince him that she had a good life and no regrets.
Least of all about him.
‘Anyway, that’s the story of my life,’ she said with a bright smile. ‘No glittering prizes for me, but Clara and I have fun together, my family have been fantastically supportive, I’ve got lots of friends… I think I’ve been pretty lucky. And now I’ve even got a good job, so things are definitely looking up.’
Was that enough to convince P.J. that she was perfectly happy with her life? Nell wondered. If only he hadn’t been quite so successful! It would be much easier to be honest and open with him if she didn’t know how stupendously wealthy he was. As it was, she was terrified that he would think that she was hinting that she regretted having left him and was angling to re-establish their relationship just because of his money.
But P.J. showed no sign of thinking any such thing. He asked about her job instead. ‘I was wondering what you did.’
‘I’m in recruitment,’ said Nell, allowing herself to relax a bit. Talking about work was good. Work made for an excellent neutral topic of conversation. She should stick with it from now on, and not let herself get diverted by memories.
‘I used to work for an agency,’ she told him. ‘I dealt with mostly secretarial and clerical positions, but I’ve just got a new job with a firm of head hunters. It’s very small but very prestigious, so it’s a good move for me, but a bit scary at the same time. Everything is much more pressurised. I find it a bit stressful, to be honest.’
‘Can’t you go back to what you were doing before?’
There spoke someone who hadn’t had to worry about money for a while! ‘I’ve got this quaint little notion about paying my mortgage,’ said Nell, a little more sharply than she intended.
