“Oh, that’s much better,” she said, smiling. “A girl could get used to this.”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about,” Kellan said.
Her brow wrinkled into a frown. “You look so serious.” Gelsey reached out and smoothed her fingers over his forehead.
“I am. But you don’t need to look so worried. We’ve been living together for almost a month now and it’s been grand.”
“It has.”
“And I was talking to Danny the other day and he plans to ask Jordan to marry him at Christmas and I’m reckoning we ought to make some plans ourselves.”
“Plans?”
“Yeah. Maybe it’s time we…formalize things between us.”
She pushed up on her elbow, her frown deepening. “Formalize? What does that mean?”
“Make a commitment to each other.”
“How would that change anything?” Gelsey asked.
Kellan was confused by her comeback and at first, didn’t have an answer. “I-I guess it wouldn’t. But I have to make some plans with my work and I-”
“What kind of plans?”
“I’ve got to make a decision on the job in France. It would take me out of Ireland for a long time. You’d be here. I’d be there.”
“Do you want to take the job?”
“I don’t know,” Kellan said. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“How would your decision change then?”
“I guess I wouldn’t leave you.”
“See. That wasn’t so difficult. We don’t need to decide anything right now. We’ll just do what we feel.”
Kellan sat up and shook his head. “No. I don’t want to turn this job down and then have you run back to Europe. That’s not the way it’s supposed to go.”
“You know exactly how it’s supposed to go?” Gelsey asked. She sat up beside him and folded her hands in her lap. “Tell me. I’d like to know, too. I’ve been trying to figure it out for the past ten years and haven’t gotten it right yet.”
He could hear the sarcasm in her voice and for a moment, he thought better of continuing the conversation. But this was a matter that they needed to resolve. “There’s just a certain progression that most people follow. Like… Riley and Nan and Danny and Jordan. They’ve decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together and- and everyone knows it.”
“So a public announcement will make it all work out for us?”
Kellan cursed beneath his breath. Was she deliberately trying to start an argument? The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. She was tired and tended to get a bit irrational when she didn’t have enough sleep.
“We should probably discuss this later,” he dodged. “After you’ve had a kip. Why don’t you crawl under the covers and I’ll let you sleep for a bit.”
She shook her head. “I think we should get this settled.”
“No,” Kellan said. “You’re in no mood to talk.”
“I’m in the perfect mood.” Gelsey stood up and began to pace back and forth. “Let me see. I’ve been engaged three times in the past seven years. Married once.”
Kellan gasped. What the hell? This was definitely not going the way he’d planned. “You’ve been married?”
“Yes. To someone who was already married, so it wasn’t legal. I was twenty-three and very stupid. I thought I was in love, but I was proven wrong. I thought I loved them all and in the end it didn’t mean anything.”
“Why haven’t you told me this?”
“Because it’s in the past,” Gelsey said. “And I wanted to start fresh. But I can’t do that if I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.”
Kellan grabbed her hand to stop her pacing. “All right. We’re done. This isn’t the right time or the-”
“No. We should get this straight. I don’t want you to plan your life around me, Kellan. I want you to do what makes you happy. And if that means going to France to work on a project then that’s what you need to do.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ll even be here. If I am, when you come home, we’ll take up where we left off.”
“And in between? We just forget about each other?”
“No, of course not. You know I care about you.”
“But you don’t love me.”
“That has nothing to do with this conversation. You’re talking about commitment. I can love you without making a commitment to you, can’t I?”
“Yes,” he said. “Of course, but-”
“No buts.” Drawing a deep breath, she turned and straddled his legs, then sat down on his lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him, her mouth trailing from his lips to his ear. “I’m happy now. I don’t want anything to change.”
She tipped her head as she stared into his eyes. But his anger must have been evident in his gaze, because she suddenly stood up. “But then, maybe it would be good to have some time apart.”
Kellan gasped, stunned by the turn in the conversation. He stood also, catching her off balance. Gelsey stumbled back and he caught her arm. “How did we get from that to this? We love each other but we should spend some time apart?”
Gelsey nodded. “I think I’m going to spend the night at Winterhill. You can think about what you want to do and I won’t be here to…distract you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Kellan countered.
“Sure it is. Besides, I have some business I need to take care of tomorrow morning at the house, so I won’t have to get up early and drive over there.”
“Why do I get the feeling that I just turned everything arseways between us?”
“You didn’t,” Gelsey said. “Nothing has changed.”
Kellan didn’t believe her. In truth, he could see the confusion in her eyes, the frantic way she kept avoiding his gaze. Hell, she’d been engaged three times? This was a woman who was pathologically frightened of commitment and here he was, pushing her to declare her feelings and plan a future with him after they’d only known each other less than a month.
Jaysus, could he be much more of a gack? How had his brothers managed to find mates when all he could do was stumble around and blather on about his plans and his needs. “If you want to go, that’s fine,” he finally said. “I’ll stop by the shop tomorrow. Maybe we can have lunch?”
“Yes,” Gelsey said. “Lunch would be perfect.” She kissed him quickly, then slipped into her shoes. Reaching out, she placed her palm on his cheek. “Don’t look so worried. Everything will be fine.”
As she walked out of the room, Kellan sat down on the edge of the bed. Raking his fingers through his hair, he cursed. This was not the way it was supposed to go. He’d finally found a woman he could love and he’d made a complete mess of it.
He heard the car start and walked to the window. Watching through the lace curtains, Kellan willed her to come back inside, to forget everything that he’d said to her. But instead, she drove off down the hill toward the village and the coast road to Winterhill.
Kellan wandered out into the great room. He felt as if he’d just gone ten rounds in a feckin’ boxing ring. His head hurt and he couldn’t put a coherent thought together. “I need a drink,” he muttered.
Grabbing his jacket, he opened the front door and stepped out into the evening chill. There was plenty to drink down at the Speckled Hound. And maybe his brothers might be able to explain exactly where he’d gone wrong, because he sure as hell couldn’t figure it all out.
“DANNY SAID you’ve moved out of the cottage.”
“Where did he hear that?” Gelsey asked.
Jordan shrugged. “I think Kellan told him. He stopped by the pub a few nights ago and got really pissed. Danny had to drive him home.”
Gelsey picked at a piece of lace on Nan’s wedding dress, smoothing it down until it lay perfectly on her
