Quinn

tonight…”

“Has nothing to do with reality.”

“I keep telling myself that. But the reality is that hope might not be enough. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night screaming.” Her hand tightened on her cup. “I don’t have to tell you what I’m dreaming. There are monsters out there.”

“Yes, there are.”

“And you know about them, you’ve dealt with them. These last two weeks, you’ve been looking for the monster that might have killed my little girl.” She moistened her lips. “I knew that, but I didn’t want to admit it. I wanted to close my eyes.”

“That’s understandable.”

“Stop being so damn understanding. I can’t close my eyes after today. I can’t rely on hope.” She was beginning to tremble. “I have to accept that she might have been taken by one of those monsters. But maybe he didn’t kill her. Maybe she’s a prisoner somewhere. That could happen.” She shook her head and said through her teeth. “Stop looking at me like that. I know what the odds are that if she was taken by someone like that she’s probably dead. I made Slindak tell me, and he said that almost all children who were kidnapped by those kinds of monsters are killed within the first twenty-four hours. But there’s a chance you’re wrong.” She whispered, “There’s a chance I’m wrong.”

“Not a very good chance, Eve,” he said gently.

“It doesn’t have to be a good chance. I’ll take what I can get.” She drew a shaky breath. “But I didn’t bring this up because I wanted you to tell me it was likely that I’d get Bonnie back. I’ll follow every clue, every path that could lead me to my daughter alive and well. But I have go down that other ugly path, too. The one you and the police are almost sure that she’s taken. Maybe I’ll find her there.” She smiled with an effort. “But maybe I won’t, and then I’ll still be able to hope.”

“What are you saying, Eve?” he asked quietly.

“You’ve been searching for the man they think killed those other missing children, haven’t you?”

He nodded. “Among other leads. I’m not closing the door on anyone or anything.”

“What does that mean?”

He didn’t answer for a moment. “I’m looking through records on child molesters.” She flinched, and he swore softly. “It’s just routine.”

“Because the routine has proved valid.”

“Yes.”

“I want to help you.” She held up her hand. “No, not doing that. I’d do it if I had to, but I’ll skip that punishment if I can be useful somewhere else. And, I can be useful. I want you to give me copies of the cases of those children who have disappeared. I want to study them and see if I can see similarities or anything that might pop up in the way of a lead.”

“That’s my job, Eve.”

“No, it’s my job, too. My daughter may have been taken by the same man who killed that little boy who was found by the freeway. If I find him, I may find her.” Her jaw squared. “I have to try. If you don’t give me a copy, then I’ll go to the morgue or the newspaper and ask them to let me study past issues. It will be slower, but I’ll still be able to do it. But the police report would give me a head start. Will you do it?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I’m putting you on the spot again, aren’t I?” She added wearily, “I don’t want to do that, Joe. I like you. Maybe I should go check out the newspapers.”

“Screw that. I’m not worried about being put on the spot. I’ll do what I want to do.” He said roughly, “I’ve gotten to know you. You’re going to get attached to those kids in the reports. You’re going to identify with the parents. It’s going to hurt you big-time.”

She just looked at him.

Yeah, what’s a snowball going to matter when it’s thrown at an avalanche, he thought.

“I can help, Joe,” she whispered. “No one would work harder or concentrate more on doing this than I would. Let me help find my daughter.”

“I’ll think about it,” he repeated. He signaled the waiter for the bill. “No promises.”

“And if I don’t find Bonnie by doing this, I may discover something that will help those other parents,” she said urgently.

“You don’t have enough on your plate? See, you’re already beginning to worry, and you haven’t even started.” He reached into his wallet and drew out some bills and threw them on the tray. “Finished?”

“I’d better be,” she said dryly. “I have an idea you’re about to scoop me up and throw me into the car.”

“It’s a possibility.” He stood up. “You’re backing me into a corner, and I have to get some space between us. You’re not going to stop. You’ll keep coming at me, won’t you?”

She nodded as she got to her feet. “I don’t give up easily.” She preceded him out of the restaurant and paused beside the car, gazing at the river. “You’ve been very kind to me tonight, Joe. You’re right, I’ll never forget what that woman said to me. But you made some of the sting go away. I’m very grateful to you.” She glanced at him as she got into the car. “And I’m sorry that I’m going to keep on giving you headaches. You don’t deserve it.”

He smiled. “I can take it. It’s nice of you to apologize in advance.” He ran around and slipped into the driver’s seat. “And this place is only fifteen minutes from your house. I can ward you off for that long.”

“I’m done for the night.” She added, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And she would, he realized, and keep on calling until she had the answer she wanted. He was only beginning to realize the ruthless determination that existed behind that fragile exterior. “I’ll make my own decision, Eve,” he said. “I won’t let you push me.”

“I won’t push. I’ll just remind you that there’s a decision to be made. And I have to keep you on track in case I have to take that other route.” She leaned back on the seat and wearily closed her eyes. “I’m so tired. But I learned a lot about you tonight. I know how strong you are. I know you have a balance of values that few people possess. I know there’s bitterness and independence and recklessness. You’ve told me that you could be violent, but you’re very protective of me. I feel as if I’m coming close to understanding you.”

“That doesn’t mean you can control me, Eve.”

“No, but it means I can argue and try to persuade.” She opened her eyes to look at him. “As friend to friend.”

But not as lover to lover.

Get used to it. Accept it. There was no telling how long it would be before she could even contemplate a relationship that held anything beyond the comfort of friendship. But he had made strides in understanding himself tonight. And he was beginning to know Eve as well. Eve, the person, not the object of this crazy fixation that had struck him the first time he had seen her. It was a relief that he actually liked Eve. He appreciated her courage, her discipline, her honesty, her lack of vanity.

What the hell would he have done if he’d found her a complete bitch? Would it have negated that instant powerful attraction? Or had he somehow sensed who and what she was, and that was the reason she had drawn him to her? Who knows? Love at first sight was all very well, but it was confusing as hell and out of his realm of comprehension.

“Love.” It was the first time that he had used that word even to himself. It was too sentimental and too much of a commitment. He didn’t know anything about it. But what other word could he use for an emotion that made him feel like a cross between a knight in shining armor and a kid with his first crush. Perhaps he’d get lucky and it would go away as fast as it had come.

“Friend to friend?” Eve repeated.

He smiled and nodded slowly. “As long as you realize that it’s always a friend’s privilege to say no.”

“Of course.” She closed her eyes again. “It would be unfair to think anything else.”

But it would be hard to say no to Eve. Even if he thought that to refuse her might be the best thing for her. “I’m glad that you have such a keen appreciation for justice.”

“I do. But I’ll still phone you tomorrow…”

* * *