Do you wish Ware chasing after us and falling back into the hands of the Knights Templar? Ware and Thea are safe here. They have to stay safe. Get me pen and parchment.”
He nodded slowly and moved to the desk tucked into one corner of the cabin. He riffled in the drawer and set out parchment and ink. “It still may not help.”
“They have a child and responsibilities here at Montdhu, and they trust you.” She slowly sat up in the bunk. “But, I must be the one to give Haroun the message.” She straightened her hair, carefully covering the wound with a long strand. “Go tell Balkir to send for Haroun.”
“I’ll go myself. I doubt if he’d come for Balkir.” He moved toward the door. “Stay and rest until I come back.”
“How long will it take you?”
“They’re camped on the hill facing the harbor. A quarter of an hour.”
“Will Balkir let you go?”
“Oh, yes. He wants no trouble with Ware, and he thinks he’s found a way to control me.” He smiled grimly as he paused at the door. “He has you.”
“I’ll rest for a little while and then go on deck. Bring Haroun on board. I’ll give him the note myself. He has to see everything is well.” She gritted her teeth to ward off the pain as she swung her feet to the floor. She looked up to see Kadar still gazing at her. “Well, what are you doing just standing there? I don’t need your help.”
“My apologies. I was distracted.” He inclined his head. “I was just thinking how proud I am of you.”
He was gone before she could reply.
Get to the desk and write the note. Don’t think how pleased she would have been at those words of praise from him only yesterday. Don’t think of Kadar at all. Her efforts must be centered on keeping Ware and Thea out of this tangle.
“Don’t try to escape,” Balkir warned Selene. “You will say your piece to the man and then go back to your cabin.”
“Do you think I want to see him hurt?” Selene clutched the rail to keep from swaying. Sweet Mary, her head throbbed. “It would help if you’d try to keep from looking as if you’re about to throttle me.”
“Here they come,” Murad said.
Her gaze followed his to see Haroun frowning with concern as he scampered behind Kadar up the gangplank.
She forced a smile as she took a step forward. “Thank you for coming, Haroun. I know you’ll see that this note gets safely to Lord Ware.”
“You should not be here, Lady Selene,” he whispered, shooting a frightened glance at Balkir. “Come back with me. Lady Thea won’t like this.”
“I’m sure Kadar explained everything to you. I must go with him. Don’t worry, he’ll take good care of me.”
“She’ll be safe.” Kadar took her arm. He ignored her immediate stiffening as he added, “Tell Lord Ware he has my word on it.”
Haroun nodded jerkily. “I know he values your word. But Lady Thea will not-”
“You’ll have to hurry,” Selene interrupted. “We sail soon.” She handed him the note and brushed her lips across his cheek. “Go with God, Haroun.”
He gave her one last agonized glance, then turned and ran down the gangplank.
Her breath expelled in a burst of relief. It was done.
“You did very well,” Kadar murmured.
She shook off his grasp and stepped back. “Now, let’s put to sea before Ware has a chance to ride here and try to change my mind.”
“I captain this ship,” Balkir said testily. “No woman tells me when to sail.”
“You’d rather have to fight a battle? It doesn’t surprise me. I’ve noticed you have the brain of a-”
“Hush.” Kadar scooped her up in his arms and started down the deck toward the cabin.
“Put me down.”
“When I have you safely behind a closed door. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re outnumbered, and I doubt if I could keep Balkir from strangling you if you persist in antagonizing him.”
“He’s an idiot.”
“Granted. And he’ll get his just desserts. But not now.” He opened the cabin door and set her on her feet. “Go lie down while I help the ‘idiot’ get under way. I’ll be back as soon as I can. We have to talk.”
She shook her head.
He closed the door and leaned against it. “Stop treating me as if I were your enemy. Nothing’s really changed. I’m the same man you’ve known all these years.”
“Yes, you are.” She crossed the cabin and sat down on the bunk. “Exactly the same.”
“But now you wish nothing to do with me.”
“You were going to leave me.”
“I had to leave you.”
“Without telling me? Without giving me a choice? You promised me once that if you ever went back to Sinan you would tell me. You lied.”
“Yes.” He grimaced. “I thought it was safer.”
“And it was your decision. It’s always a man’s decision. If he wishes to take a woman’s body, he does it. If he wishes to desert her later, he does it.” Her hands clenched at her sides. “Well, I won’t sit meekly and let a man make my decisions. I won’t let you have my body and then go away whenever you wish. I won’t care. I’ll
“The devil you won’t. You can’t change what’s between us.”
“I can. I will.” She lay back against the pillow and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“I almost wish I’d let Balkir strangle you,” he said through his teeth.
“The usual solution to any man’s problems.”
“Selene, this is difficult enough. We need to-You’re not listening.”
“My head aches and I’m sick unto death of listening to you. Go away, Kadar.”
He muttered something beneath his breath and then she heard the door slam.
She opened her eyes. Difficult? It was almost impossible to uproot all the years of feeling. Build the wall higher. She could do it.
She had only to keep him away.
It was a quarter of an hour later when the anchor was lifted and the ship eased away from the dock.
It was five minutes later when she heard the shouting on the deck.
Oh, God-Ware? No, he’d had no time to ride from the castle.
She jumped up and ran out on deck. She could see Kadar and Balkir in a crowd of sailors at the far rail. Angry sailors. Balkir was angry too. He lifted the club in his hand.
Kadar caught it and spoke rapidly to Balkir.
She ran toward them. “What is it? What’s-” She stopped short as she saw the huddled figure in the middle of the crowd. “Haroun?”
The boy was sopping wet, his eyes wide with terror as he looked from Kadar to Balkir.
“What are you doing here?”
“He swam out and grabbed the anchor rope,” Kadar said without looking at her. “Our captain wishes to club him and throw him back.”
“No!”
“That’s what I said.”
“When a rat climbs on to a ship, you kill it before it can devour your rations,” Balkir said. “He disobeyed you. He was supposed to deliver the note.”
“I gave it to Robert to take,” Haroun said. “I had to come. Lady Thea would have wanted me to take care of Lady Selene.”
And he had come even though he was clearly terrified, Selene thought. He looked thoroughly miserable, not capable of caring for himself much less anyone else.
Balkir was struggling to release himself from Kadar’s grasp. “Let me go.”
“When you promise to let the boy live,” Kadar said. “He may look like a rat, but I’m quite fond of him. See how
