Private Eyes

“The Tankard?”

“Only place I’ve got for the time being.”

“Is Don planning to open it in the near future?”

Shrug. “He doesn’t tell me his plans either. I just wanna clean it. Before the dirt builds up.”

“Okay,” I said. “Can I just ask you one thing- something personal?”

Her eyes filled.

“Just a question, Bethel.”

“Sure- what’s the difference, anyway? Talking, dancing, posing for pictures- everyone gets what they want from me.”

“Didn’t know you were a model,” I lied.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Ha! Sure, I was this big famous fashion model. With these.” Running her hands over her bust and laughing again. “Yeah, I was pretty fancy, just like Gina. We were two of a kind. Only the ones who looked at me weren’t ladies buying clothes.”

“Did Joel take those pictures?”

Pause. Her hands were small and white around the steering wheel. A cheap cameo ring encircled the ring finger.

“Him. Others. What of it? I was in lots of pictures. I was a picture star. Even when I was pregnant and out to here- some people are sick that way, like to see pregnant women.”

“Something for everyone,” I said.

She turned sharply but her tone was resigned. “You’re mocking me.”

“No,” I said wearily. “No, I’m not.”

She studied me, touched her bosom again.

“You saw me,” she said. “Driving off yesterday. And now you want to know why.”

I began to talk, but she cut me off with a shake of her hand. “Maybe to you it’s dumb, getting upset over someone like him- that’s the way I felt about it, too. Real dumb. But I’m used to that. Being dumb. So what’s the difference, anyway? Maybe to you it was real real dumb- retarded- because you think he was pure trash- No, wait a second. Let me finish. He was pure shit, no kindness in him. Everything made him mad and crazy- he had to have his way all the time. Some of it was prob’ly the dope. He shot way too much speed. But some of it was just the way he was made. Mean. So I understand your thinking I’m dumb. But he gave me something and no one ever gave me nothing- not at that point of my life, anyway. Since then, Don came through, and I’d cry for him if something happened to him- a hell of a lot more than I cried for… the other one. But at that point in my life, the other one was the first one who gave me anything. Even if he didn’t mean to. Even if he did it because he couldn’t have what he really wanted, and he took it out on me. That didn’t matter- you understand? It turned out good anyway- you just said so yourself. Only damn good thing in my life. So yeah, I cried a little for him. Found myself a nice little spot and had a big boohoo. Then I remembered what pure trash he was and I stopped crying. And now you don’t see me crying no more. That answer your question?”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t judging you, Bethel. I don’t think your being upset was wrong.”

“Well, aren’t you the smart one. So what’s your question then?”

“Does Noel know who his father was?”

Long silence.

“If he doesn’t, you gonna tell him?” she said.

“No.”

“Not even to protect the little missy?”

“From what?”

“Hitching up with a bad seed.”

“There’s nothing bad about Noel.”

She started crying, said, “So much for New Year’s resolutions.”

I handed her a handkerchief, she blew noisily and said, “Thank you, sir.” A moment later: “I wouldn’t trade places with that little girl for nothin’. With any of them.”

“Neither would I, Bethel. And I’m not asking about Noel in order to protect her.”

“What, then?”

“Call it curiosity. Something else I need to figure out.”

“You’re a real curious fellow, aren’t you? Poking around in other people’s business.”

“Forget it,” I said. “Sorry for poking.”

“Maybe he needs protecting from her, huh?”

“Why do you say that?”

“All this.” Looking through the windshield at the big peach-colored house. “This kind of thing can eat you up. Noel’s head is on real good, but you never know… Do you really think the two of them…”

“Who knows?” I said. “They’re young, have a lot of changes ahead of them.”

“Because I’m really not comfortable with that. You’d think I’d be the one who’d want it, but I don’t. This isn’t real- it isn’t the way real people were made to live. He’s my baby, I pushed him out with a lot of pain, and I don’t want to see him eaten up by all this.”

“I know what you mean,” I said. “I hope Melissa gets away from it, too.”

“Yeah. I guess it’s not been any jar a’honey for her, either.”

“No, it hasn’t.”

“Yeah,” she said, starting to touch her bust, but dropping her hand.

I pushed the passenger door open. “Good luck, and thanks for your time.”

“No,” she said. “He doesn’t know. He thinks I don’t know, either. I told him it was a one-night stand, no way to ever find out. He truly believes that. I used to… do things. I told him a story that didn’t make me look real good, because I had to. I had to do what I thought was right.”

“Of course you did,” I said, and took her hand. “And it was right- the proof is in the pudding.”

“That’s true.”

“Bethel, I really meant what I said about Noel. And the credit you get for it.”

She squeezed my hand and let go.

“You sound for real. I’ll try to believe that.”

37

Milo came by my house at four. I was working on my monograph and led him into the study.

“Lots of dirt on Douse,” he said, shaking his briefcase and putting it on my desk. “Not that it matters much.”

“It might,” I said. “In terms of recovering anything he’s already looted from the estate.”

“Yeah,” he said, “let’s hear it for private investigation. How you doing?”

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“Really. How about yourself?”

“Still on the job- Attorney LaFamiglia likes my style.”

“A woman with taste.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. There are baby fish down in the pond, they’re surviving and growing, and I’m in a great mood.”

“Baby fish?”

“Wanna see?”

“Sure.”