After Midnight

barbecued steak like you promised.”

“When I made the promise,” I said, “I counted on being able to thaw the steaks in the microwave.”

“Well, you can’t do that. They’d be ruined.”

“But it was my plan. You can’t hold me to a promise if you won’t let me follow my plan.”

“Why not?”

“It isn’t fair.”

“It isn’t fair of you to promise me a barbecued steak by your swimming pool, and get me out here, and then say, ‘Oh, dear, I don’t want to do this, after all. Let’s go to a restaurant.’”

“I’m starting to think I don’t want to eat with you at all.”

“Oh, isn’t that just dandy?”

“I’m trying to be reasonable, Elroy, but…”

“It’s either your way or the highway, is that it?”

“I just think you should cut me a little slack, that’s all. This barbecue thing isn’t working out, so let’s do it another time. For tonight, why don’t we just try to make the best of things and go to a restaurant?”

Elroy let out a deep sigh. Then he raised his glass and drained it. Staring into his empty glass, he muttered, “You said it’d be okay to wait for them to thaw. Remember? In the kitchen? We talked about the fact that it’d take a few hours, and you said it wouldn’t be a problem. Only now it is a problem. Why do you suppose that is?”

“I never said it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Maybe not in so many words. But you were all ready to go along with it. You even wanted to marinate them.”

“I can still get steak teryaki if we go to a restaurant.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Is that what this is all about? Because I wouldn’t let you ruin the steaks with teryaki sauce?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then what is it about? Why have you suddenly turned on me?”

I stared into his eyes.

“I haven’t turned on you, Elroy. Though I do think you have a cruddy attitude about all this.”

“You promised me, and now you want to take it away.”

“There’s something going on here that you don’t know about.”

With a wary look in his eyes, he said, “Such as?”

Don’t tell him!

“Somebody was here,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

Leaning over close to him, I said quietly, “I think someone might’ve broken into the house while I was gone. There’s supposed to be a Civil War saber hanging above the fireplace. It was there when I left to go to the mall this afternoon. Now, it’s gone.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Take a look for yourself. You don’t even have to get up.”

Twisting in his seat, he peered over his shoulder.

I took a sip of my margarita.

“And where is this saber supposed to be?” Elroy asked.

“You see the fireplace?”

“Yeah.”

“There’s a framed citation above it?”

“I see that.”

“That’s where the saber is supposed to be, but isn’t. I think somebody must’ve broken into the house and taken it.”

“Hmm.”

“For all I know, he might still be in the house. Hiding somewhere. Maybe just waiting for a chance to jump us. That’s why I think we oughta get out of here.”

Elroy turned toward me. “Instead of running off to a restaurant, shouldn’t we call the police?”

“No!”

He smirked slightly. “And why not?”

“Because.”

“Excellent reason.”

“Because if he’s already gone,” I said, “the cops won’t do any good, anyway. If he’s not gone…well, all the phones are inside the house. I don’t want to get chopped up trying to call the cops, do you?”

Elroy’s smirk grew. “Don’t you have a telephone in your suite above the garage?”

Damn it!

I gave the matter some thought, then said, “Yes, but I can’t get to it without my keys. Which I left on the kitchen counter.”

“Ah, you have an answer for everything.”

“I’m telling you the truth about this, Elroy.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“You think I’m lying.”

“Far be it from me to call you a liar.”

“Well, thank you one hell of a lot for believing in me.”

“I tell you what,” he said. “Just to prove how much I believe in you, I’ll go inside, myself, and make the call to the police.”

With that, he scooted back his chair.

Grabbing his arm, I said, “Don’t you dare.”

“Ha! I knew it.”

“Okay,” I said. “I admit it.”

“You admit what?”

He hadn’t believed me, anyway. Some people just don’t listen, even when you’re trying to help them.

“There never was any saber,” I said. “I made up the whole business about the break-in.”

“Surprise, surprise.”

“I just wanted to go to a restaurant, that’s all.”

He gave my shoulder a squeeze and said, “Maybe tomorrow night.” His hand tightened its grip. “But from now on, no more stories. Save them for your books.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“No harm, no foul,” he said, and released my shoulder. “Looks like we can both use refills.” Rising to his feet, he said, “Why don’t I bring out the whole pitcher?”

“Good idea. And while you’re in there, see if you can pry the steaks apart. They’ll thaw out a lot faster that way.”

“Your wish is my command, my dear.”

“Oh, and would you mind bringing out my keys? They should be on the counter near the blender.”

“My pleasure.” Grinning, he said, “Now, are you sure you wouldn’t like me to go ahead and dial up the cops?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Thought not,” he said, and stepped out of sight behind me.

I heard him slide open the door and enter the house. But I didn’t hear the door shut, so I got out of my chair to do it, myself.

As I rolled it shut, I saw Elroy striding across the living room. He didn’t so much as glance at the place above the fireplace where the saber should’ve been.