whispered and it was said with such assurance that he groaned inwardly. But he set her to her feet. It felt like cutting his heart out. To lose her…
‘You want me as much as I want you,’ he growled. ‘Admit it.’
‘My body wants you,’ she said, and suddenly her voice was even; sure. ‘But my head’s saying we’re crazy. My head’s saying we ended up pregnant before when precautions didn’t work. Will I risk ending up with another baby-maybe even another loss and grief-because of one night’s passion?’
Her words were enough to sober him. It was enough to look into her eyes and see the truth written there-a pain he hadn’t shared, which had torn her in two.
So he released her. She staggered as he set her away from him, and it was as much as he could do not to react, to watch her gravely as conflicting emotions flitted over her face, as she stepped away from him-as sense won over raw desire.
‘I…need space,’ she said unsteadily and backed toward her room.
‘But you’ll think of what I’ve said?’
‘Yes, I’ll think,’ she whispered. ‘And, Andreas?’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ll think because you
‘I-’
‘Don’t say any more. I can’t afford to listen.’
‘Holly-’
‘No.’ She blocked her ears and she tried for a smile-a smile of a child in mischief. It almost came off. With her ears firmly blocked she turned away from him. ‘Lalalalalalalalala,’ she sang at the top of her voice. ‘Lalalalalalala.’
And, still singing, she fled.
He turned and Sophia was watching. She was holding a tray as if she was about to clear things from the table, but he knew she’d been standing there, listening.
‘Were you about to hit me with a wine bottle?’ he asked ruefully, and she smiled at him, but her smile held sympathy.
‘I know you, my Andreas. You would not hurt her more.’
‘I would never hurt her.’
‘You already did.’
‘Did she tell you that?’
‘Rumours,’ she said simply. ‘They’ve reached even here. I heard you fathered a child with this woman?’
‘And…’
‘And this one has lost a baby. I know this. I talked to her about my sons and I saw her pain. And now you stand back with honour. So what will you do?’
He stared down at her, his old nurse, a lady in her sixties, bossy, matriarchal. His servant.
His brothers might raise their brows in supercilious disdain and walk away. He could not.
‘I don’t know,’ he admitted.
‘You want her.’
‘I’d forgotten how much.’
‘Then you need to woo her,’ Sophia said wisely. ‘You have to be gentle. Give her time.’
‘There is no time. I have to get this sorted.’
‘You rush this and you’ll end up with nothing.’
‘She must-’
‘There is no must about it. She’s a smart lady and she will not take kindly to musts.’ Her wise eyes creased into a smile. ‘She will make you a woman in a million. You and Christina…no and no and no. But you and this Holly…’
‘Sophia, leave it.’
‘I leave it,’ she said, and to his astonishment she reached up and kissed him, something she hadn’t done for twenty years. ‘I leave it to you. To your good sense. To your brains, hey, and not to your balls. That’s what got you into this mess. You and your brothers and your father, messes all round. Now your brains have to get you out.’
She thumped him on the chest and chuckled, then carried her tray serenely out to the pool to clear the table.
Holly heard the gentle murmur of their voices. She couldn’t hear individual words- just that Andreas was talking. It must be to Sophia.
She was leaning heavily against her closed and locked bedroom door. It seemed too thin. It was no protection.
Sophia would protect her.
Not against herself.
This was Andreas she was talking about. She’d dreamed about Andreas for years. He was here. He wanted her. All she had to do was fall into his arms and be his princess.
See, there was the rub. It scared her so much that it overrode even the way her body reacted to his. She’d heard him tell of his family: his brutal father, his aristocratic mother and sisters, his brothers-sexy, powerful men who took what they wanted and held.
She knew nothing of their world. To give in to Andreas’s blackmailing-for that was what it was-was to abandon herself to his lifestyle; to give up all she’d ever known.
It was to abandon hope of going home. To Munwannay.
There was nothing there for her.
Her son’s grave was there. It was home.
Her home could be here.
As Andreas’s accessory? For that was what she’d be. She was fighting to get her breath back; fighting to make herself see sense. He’d made no declaration of love. He’d simply said he needed to marry her to get himself and his family out of a political mess. In return he’d pay for her father’s debts. Great. That left her…where?
They should have talked tonight. It should have been a business discussion, she thought, pressing the back of her hand against lips that felt swollen, bruised, still hot from his touch. Maybe they could work something out.
But how could they work out anything when the way she felt about him got in the way? There he was, outside talking calmly to Sophia, and she was in here like a trembling virgin.
And likely to stay here. For there was no way she was opening the door, when the minute she saw him sense gave way to…
Lust.
It was as simple as that.
Or was it?
The voices faded. There was a clink of glasses-that’d be Sophia clearing the table. Andreas would have gone. Where? To bed? To calmly think of what other ways he could coerce her to marry him?
Marriage to Andreas…
The thought was like watching the sky open-there was no way she could see through to the other side and the thought of what lay beyond was so unimaginable that she couldn’t do it. To hurl herself into the unknown…It seemed unthinkable.
