slumped forward on her chair, her shoulders sagging and her whole body spelling defeat. ‘I almost killed him.’
‘You did no such thing.’
‘I’m a doctor.’ She was very close to tears, Nate thought. She was very close to breaking down altogether. ‘I should have noticed. Of all the stupid…’
‘You know as well as I do that diabetes is insidious,’ he said gently. ‘He’ll have been eating and doing everything he normally does… There are no overt signs.’
‘But he’s thin. I thought… I thought he was just having a growth spurt.’
‘And you were taken up by a dying sister and a newborn baby.’
‘I let it go so far. I could have killed him.’
‘No!’ He stooped and took her shoulders and gripped, hard. ‘You didn’t. Diabetes in children is hard to pick before it becomes an acute problem. You think a kid’s having a growth spurt-they’re suddenly taller and thinner and tired, and you put two and two together and get four-but the answer’s six. I’ve seen this before, Gemma.’
‘As bad as this?’
‘Worse.’ His hands still gripped her too-thin shoulders. Did she have any time to look after herself? he wondered. And then he thought… What was her blood sugar?
‘Can we test you?’ he asked, and she gave a laugh that was almost hysterical.
‘I’m not diabetic.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I…’ She took a grip. ‘I guess I don’t. But I’m not thirsty like Cady. And I’m not losing weight.’
‘You mean you’ve always been this thin?’
‘I eat on the run,’ she told him. ‘But Cady…’
‘Will be fine.’
‘His body must have been producing ketones for weeks.’
‘Kids get sick fast,’ he told her. ‘It’s my guess that further blood tests will tell us this is recent. You would have noticed if he’d been tired for months.’
‘But not weeks. I’ve been so caught up-’
‘With your sister and the baby.’ He was still holding her. She hadn’t noticed-or rather she had, but she needed the contact. She needed the warmth.
‘I…’ For the first time she seemed to surface. She shook herself like she was clearing fog and she looked at him. And saw Nathan for the first time. Really saw him.
‘You’re in a dinner suit,’ she said stupidly, and he grinned. It really was the most gorgeous grin. It warmed places in her heart she hadn’t known were cold.
‘It’s a bit more formal than a white coat,’ he told her. ‘I put it on for my favourite patients.’
There was an attempt at a smile. ‘I’ve dragged you away from something.’ And then her mind focused even more. ‘Where’s Mia?’ Her voice cracked and his grip on her shoulders tightened.
‘Hey, hang on. I haven’t abandoned her.’
‘Where is she?’ She rose, and so did her voice.
‘In the next cubicle,’ he told her.
‘You admitted her to hospital? Why? What’s wrong?’
She was so close to the edge… ‘Nothing’s wrong,’ he said flatly, checking the hysteria before it started. ‘I had a date so I left her in kids’ ward.’
‘You had a date…’
‘A jazz ball.’ He motioned to his dinner suit. ‘You see? The pieces of the jigsaw fit together.’
Gemma took a deep, searing breath and regrouped. But the anger didn’t fade. ‘You mean you went to a ball- and left Mia in hospital?’ All the emotions of the last few weeks were contained within the fury of her voice. Nate saw anger surge and resurge. ‘Of all the stupid, selfish, arrogant… You have a precious new daughter and you put her in hospital. In hospital! She’s not sick. You know about Golden Staph. You know kids can get sick in hospital even if they’re well to begin with. And she’s yours. She’s your daughter and you dump her-’
‘Shush…’
‘Don’t shush me.’ Her anger had built to boiling point. Her eyes were flashing fire. She took a step back and if looks could have killed, he’d have been dead on the floor right now. ‘You toad. You uncaring, unfeeling, insensitive toad. You and Fiona. You’re a type. Bring a baby into the world and then you don’t give a toss. Hand her over to the nearest stupid person who’ll take on your responsibilities-’
That was a bit much. ‘Hey, Jane’s not stupid.’ He was nettled. After all, he’d handed Mia over to his most trusted nurse. ‘And this is a tiny country hospital, Gemma. It’s not a big city hospital where infections are a problem. Until Cady came in Mia was the only child in the kids’ ward. Infections are hardly an issue. Touch wood, but we’ve never had a case of Golden Staph and, please, God, we never will. So.’ He paused and his eyes met hers and held. Challenging. ‘Any other complaints?’
He was smiling at her, she thought incredulously. The fink. He was smiling!
‘You’re laughing. How can you laugh?’ Her anger was building even more, rather than waning. ‘You have a baby and you just dump her…’
‘Gemma…’
‘Don’t Gemma me.’
‘Right.’ His hands came out and caught her again and he held. Her whole body stiffened in his grasp-she was rigid with fury. She wrenched herself backward, but he was having none of it.
‘I’m not as irresponsible as you think.’
‘How the hell would you know what I think?’
He grinned at that. ‘Maybe I can guess.’
‘You know nothing. You and Fiona-’
‘No.’ He took her hands and gripped hard, forcing her to pause mid tirade. ‘Let’s get one thing straight, Gemma. I am not Fiona and there’s been no me and Fiona. Fiona and I were a mistake. Apart from that one disastrous time, which I will regret for ever…’
‘Because of Mia?’
That gave him pause. Because of Mia?
He thought of the baby as he’d last seen her, curled in sleep like a furled rosebud. She was the most beautiful, most perfect creature.
His daughter.
He’d hardly had time to get used to the idea. But… If he could undo what had gone before, wish away her existence… Would he?
There was uncertainty in his face and Gemma saw it. And she couldn’t understand.
‘But you left her,’ she said flatly.
And Nate thought, How could I?
The Jazzfest. Donna.
Sanity.
‘Yes. I left her.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Gemma, I have a life.’
‘Well, bully for you.’ Her voice cracked with tears. ‘As opposed to me who gets to pick up the pieces of all these people who have
‘Not tonight you don’t,’ he said flatly. Jane came back into the ward then, and she smiled at both of them as Nate looked at her questioningly. ‘Are we organised?’
‘Tony’s in the kitchen, cooking, as we speak,’ Jane told them. ‘He was at the ball so he’s just popped over to cook for you and will go back afterwards.’
‘Tony?’ Gemma was confused.
‘Tony’s the hospital cook,’ Nate told her. ‘My cooking skills are limited and I figured something more than a cheese sandwich was called for. Something tells me you’ve been running on cheese sandwiches-or less-for a long time. Now, I’m about to take your blood sugar just in case, and then we’ll wrap you around a steak with the trimmings.’
‘I don’t want-’
‘You know, I’m very sure you do.’
His tone was gentle and Gemma blinked. In the face of her fury he had the capacity to undermine her reason.
