Weak sun shone on the chocolate of her hair, picking out bright threads of red and chestnut in the thick mane.
He crouched beside her, touched her lightly on the shoulder.
She jerked, her reflex beyond a normal fright response. He could feel the fine tremors that raced through her chilled flesh.
‘Terri.’
The rocking started again.
‘Talk to me, darling. Please.’
‘No p-point. There’s no point. It won’t help. You can’t help me. No-one can. G-go away. Please. Just…go away.’
He sat on the ground beside her, not caring about grass stains, and gathered her rigid body close.
‘Tell me anyway,’ he said as he rubbed her back.
For the longest silence, he just held her, rocked with her. Hoped that his body heat would help to thaw her.
‘S-so much blood.’
‘It was red paint.’ But she didn’t hear him.
‘So much blood,’ she whispered. ‘She killed her husband, sh-she killed her baby.’
‘No! No she didn’t. Terri, listen to me. Her husband is fine. She’s fine. She mightn’t even be in labour.’
‘But the blood…’ She shuddered
He took her face between his hands.
‘Terri. Look at me.’ Her eyes slowly focussed on him. ‘It wasn’t blood.’
‘N-not blood?’ She sounded confused, as though he was speaking a foreign language.
‘Paint. It was paint.’
‘P-paint?’ She tested the word as though trying to divine its meaning.
‘Red paint. Nadia was in the car with an open can of red paint between her knees. She was stirring it.’
‘I s-saw all the r-red.’
‘I know, darling. I want you to come back now.’
‘I c-can’t. I mustn’t. The b-baby…sh-she’ll lose the b-baby. You can’t trust m-me.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘B-bad things happen. I killed my husband. I killed Peter.’
‘The terrorists killed Peter.’
‘And my b-baby. I killed my baby.’
‘You lost your baby in the explosion?’ Oh, God. How had she coped with that, alone, having just lost a husband as well? His heart ached for her. No wonder she was struggling.
‘Yes. My fault. It was all my fault.’
‘Why?’ He needed to hear it all as much as she needed to tell him.
‘I stayed too long. I stayed too long. I should have left as soon as I found out. But I didn’t. I killed my baby.’
‘Oh, darling, no. No, you didn’t,’ he said gently. ‘You’re a wonderful, brave woman who’s carried a terrible burden all by herself.’
‘My baby. My poor baby.’ She made a strangled sound deep in her chest and then the tears started in huge shuddering sobs. His heart broke for her. Just listening to her story was painful beyond belief. He felt powerless in the face of her grief.
Her arms clung to him, desperation in their strength. All he could do was hold her, be her rock. He was going to stand by her, to help her heal. Hold her when she needed to cry, encourage her when she was moving forward.
He would love her and protect her and support her until she was better.
And then, by God, she was going to marry him so he could love and cherish her as she deserved for the rest of her life.
Her sobs gradually quieted until the only sound was the distant shushing of the waves.
Reluctantly, he broke the moment. ‘Do you trust me, Terri?’
‘Yes.’ Her voice sounded raw from the weeping, still full of tears ready to be shed.
He was going to ask her to do more, to be braver. To do something that he sensed she needed to do. A first minute step on the journey back to normality.
‘I want you to come with me now. Come and see the young couple who came in earlier. Nadia and Pete.’
‘Nadia and P-Pete?’
‘Yes.’
‘I can’t,’ she said. With the storm of weeping over she’d moved into a passive acceptance of hopelessness. ‘There’s no point. It’s over.’
‘You can.’ He felt like such a bastard asking anything of her when she was so raw and vulnerable. Setting his jaw, he continued, ‘Nothing is over. There’s every point to coming back.’
It was important not to let her withdraw. He was afraid for her, afraid for himself that he would lose her, if he let her retreat now.
‘Come on. Wash your face, powder your nose, whatever it is that you need to do to face the world again today. Just for a few minutes.’
‘I can’t d-do anything for them. I ran away.’ She looked at him through a welling veil of tears. ‘I f-failed.’
He steeled himself against weakening. ‘You ran away because you’re traumatised. You haven’t failed. I don’t want you to do anything for them, I just want you to come and meet them. Not for long, just to see that they are okay. Come on, Terri. You can do it.’
She looked at him and then finally, she took a deep breath and said, ‘I’ll try.’
The bravery in those tiny, barely audible words brought a painful lump to his throat. ‘That’s all I’m asking, darling.’
Anxiety pinched at him as he helped her to her feet. She felt so shaky and frail. The last of her strength and vitality had leached away with her tears, leaving this frighteningly fragile husk.
He clenched his teeth. He needed to find out as much as he could about post-traumatic stress disorder. Stat.
Cuddling her close to his body, he walked her back to the building. Outside the women’s bathroom he stopped and opened the door, ushering her inside. ‘I’ll wait outside. Yell if you need me.’
She nodded.
‘I’ll check on you in five if you’re not out.’
She gave him a wan smile. ‘I’ll be out.’
‘Okay.’
He shut the door behind him and braced one hand on the wall. Terri needed his help and she was going to get it. Whether she wanted it or not. He was in awe of the fact that she’d come this far carrying the weight of her grief alone. But she didn’t have to do it on her own from now on. She had him to help. He wasn’t going to let her go. She would not shut him out, he wouldn’t let her.
He felt a touch on his arm and turned to see Dianne looking up at him, her face creased with worry. ‘Is Terri all right?’
‘She’s had a shock, Dianne. She’ll be shaky for a while but she’ll be all right. I’ll make sure of it,’ he said grimly.
‘Good. If there’s anything any of us can do, just say the word.’
‘Thanks, Dianne.’
Luke kept the visit to the now-sheepish young couple short and upbeat before ushering Terri out of their room.
In the privacy of the staff lounge, he ran the backs of his fingers over her pale cheek. ‘Go home, darling.’
‘Luke, I think…’ She took a deep breath in. ‘I think I’d rather keep busy. Please?’
‘Terri…love…you’ve had a hell of a shock. Cut yourself some slack and take the rest of the shift off. It’s only an hour.’
She gave him a haunted look.
