In an instant Tillu was on her feet. Kerlew. Where was Kerlew? And what could be done for Kari? The trodden earth was cool beneath her bare feet as she trotted down the path between the tents. She peered at the tents as she passed. There was Ristor's, that one Acor's. On. There was Stina's tent, patched with a new hide sewn pale against the old ones. And Ristin's. And beside it, a pale new tent she didn't know. She hesitated.
'Tillu!'
Her name from behind her. She was caught in a fierce embrace. An instant she struggled, until the rasp of his beard against her face and familiar scent calmed her. She clutched back at him, abruptly became aware that she still gripped Kari's knife. She wriggled from his grasp, thrust Kari's knife into her belt. At least she wouldn't cut her own face before morning.
'I was coming to find you,' Heckram was saying. 'When I saw you on the path.'
'I was coming to find you, because ...'
'Listen to me, first. Kerlew is gone. I hadn't had a sight of him all day, so I finally made an excuse to call on the najd. I took him a nest of eggs I found this morning. He seemed glad to see me, but Joboam was not. They had words about it, and Carp said he would invite whomever he wished. Joboam became silent, then, but his eyes were full of anger. Carp is not wise to bait him. But Kerlew was nowhere in sight. And when I asked about him, Carp said that he had gone to seek a vision. I asked more questions, but all he would say was that he could not speak of it, but all would soon be clear.'
The words had tumbled from Heckram's lips without pause. Now he stood before her, his eyes black in the night. He lifted a hand toward her, as if asking forgiveness.
She seized it.
'He's sent Kerlew on a vision-quest. I know that much of the shaman. He spoke of it often when we lived among Benu's folk. He encouraged the young men to fast for long periods, and then to isolate themselves from the tribe and seek a vision. It was a way of gaining spirit protection.'
'That would be why the boy looked so thin lately,' Heckram said slowly. 'A long fast and then ... but Kerlew is not old enough to be sent out alone for such a thing. Nor wise enough.'
'It matters little to Carp. Unless the boy comes back with a vision, he cannot be a shaman. If he isn't a najd, he's no use to Carp. Kerlew used to mutter about it when he thought I was asleep. Visions and guardian animals. Where would he go?'
Tillu's question was despairing, not seeking an answer. Silence stretched long and brittle. Then Heckram spoke in unwilling answer. 'To the Najd's Steps.'
'What?'
'I had not thought of it in years. It is a dare game that some boys still play at. There is a part of the Cataclysm that is all buckled stone. Not a grain of soil, not a stem of grass grows there. It is all a tumble of black sharp-edged stones, like a torrent of rock down the Cataclysm's face, and above it a sheer rise of stone, broken only by narrow ledges.
When I was very small and there were summer storms, the old folk used to say the ancient najd was angry. The tale was that he had gone up the steps to speak with the sky spirits and never come back. That he was up there still, and looked down on the herdfolk and would know if one was less than honest or brave.'
He looked down into Tillu's face. She came into his arms, shivering at his words. 'The other boys used to challenge one another, when adults weren't around. No one was supposed to climb the Najd's Steps. To do so was ... more than unlucky. The najd might send something to steal you from your tent if you dared his steps. So, of course, boys did.' He paused, then added, almost ashamed, 'Except for me. I heard about it, but my days were too full of chores to run and play with the others. Then I heard one day that Joboam had gone higher than anyone else had ever gone, to the very top. And to mark the top of his climb, he had left on the highest step a bronze wristband that his father had just given him. All the boys could talk of nothing else, for days. Joboam went about saying that he had proved forever that he was the bravest of us all.'
'It must have chafed you, to hear them brag of what you could not even try.' Despite her worries, Tillu had been caught up in the story.
Heckram choked down a laugh. 'It did. It did for days. Until one drizzly morning, I rose before anyone else, and tried myself against the Najd's Steps. They were slippery in the damp, and once I looked down and all the camp was hidden in mist. As if I climbed through the very clouds. But I was stubborn and pushed on. At first I had had some vague dream that the other boys in the camp would look up and see me high up the Najd's Steps. Now I knew they couldn't, that I would be hidden by the mist and the steepness of the climb. But I went on. For myself. And I discovered two things.'
He paused, forcing Tillu to ask, 'What?'
'There is a place where the steps narrow and work out across the face of the Cataclysm. Too narrow a place for me to safely go. Or Joboam. A place a smaller boy might walk, but not he or I. And at the narrowing place is where I found his wristband.
Not at the top of the Najd's Steps. So I took it. And then I pressed myself flat against the rock face, and I went beyond it. Five steps beyond it. I counted them. And then I discovered the other thing. At the end of the Najd's Steps.'
Somewhere a small animal screamed as talons found it. Tillu started as if she felt the claws in her own back. Heckram held her closer.
'The najd is still there,' he whispered. 'The steps stop. But beyond them is a tiny niche, less than a cave, in the cliff's face. And in that place, with his basket and his magic tokens spread before him, is the najd. Crouching and grinning out over the Cataclysm and the herdfolk below.'
Tillu gasped in horror, then asked, 'What did you do then?'
'I left it alone. Even I was smart enough to know no good could come of meddling with a najd's bones. But I scratched my mark there on the wall of the Cataclysm. And I worked my way back off the narrow place and back onto the steps. And I came down.
That evening, I went to Joboam's father's tent. With his father looking on, I said, 'I found this today. Isn't it yours?' And I gave him back his wristband.'
'And you wonder why he hates you,' Tillu said softly.
'Not really. He had his revenge. He told the herdlord that I had been making mock of the Najd's Steps, playing there. He was very angry and scolded me before all the elders.
Ristin was furious that I had taken such a chance, and made sure my chores kept me too busy to try it again. But I did not mind. For all that, Joboam and I both still know that his wristband was not on the top step. That he was not as brave as he had said he was.'
'And you think Kerlew would go there?'
'I do. Joboam would make sure of it, if he thought of it. It is not an easy place to return from.'
A silence fell, but when Tillu opened her lips to speak, Heckram bent to swiftly kiss her. He held her close as he spoke. 'But we will both come down, tomorrow. The night is mild, and the lower steps are easy for a boy Kerlew's size. I will let him have his night on the Najd's Steps. He won't go very high. I know you will worry. But you must understand these dares are important to a boy. And he has his own kind of wisdom. He will be safe. And tomorrow I will bring him down to you.'
'You are sure of this?'
Honesty saddened his eyes. 'No. But it is the best I can do. In the dark, a man my size would not get one- third of the way up the Steps.' He could see her thoughts. 'And you yourself would not even get that far. One has to have seen it by daylight to climb it. In this false light, it would be suicide. Besides ...' He paused. 'To bring Kerlew down now would be to take something from him, something he might never find again. He has to have this night alone, on the Najd's Steps, Tillu.'
She understood, but unwillingly. There was nothing she could do for her son this night. Tillu sighed deeply and leaned into Heckram's chest. Kari broke suddenly into her thoughts. 'Heckram. What do the herdfolk say about a woman being, forced into a joining she does not want?'
His brows knit at the abrupt change of subject. After a moment he replied, 'It very seldom happens. Sometimes, a woman desires a man who is already joined to another.
