So, she takes another man instead. It is sad, but it happens. Sometimes they learn to get along, though. Look at Ibb and Bror. It is gossiped that Ibb took him only because no one else asked her. But they are long and happy years they have shared.'
'But if the woman did not want the joining at all? If she hated the idea, but her parents insisted?'
His mind leaped the gap. 'Kari is that unhappy?'
Tillu nodded. 'She wanted me to cut her nose off this evening. So Pirtsi wouldn't take her.'
Heckram's expression reflected his dismay at the idea. 'But she is right,' he conceded.
'Pirtsi is too vain to take a disfigured woman. He'd find a way out.'
'Then you think I should do it?' Tillu asked in horror.
'No!' Heckram was vehement. 'She should go to Stina or old Natta. One of the older herdwomen. Or several of them. She should say she is being forced, and that she is truly unhappy. They'll be swift to take her side. They've been on their own long enough to know that sometimes a woman is better alone than bedded with someone like Pirtsi.
And neither of them like the boy, anyway. Capiam will be very unhappy when they come to him, and greatly embarrassed. But he can't stand against them, nor can Ketla. If he did, those women would raise such an outcry as would have every woman in the gathered folks angered and impatient with the men. Better embarrassment than the whole folk disturbed. Old women will not be ignored.'
'You mean this? This is true, among the herdfolk?'
'So it has always been. Didn't you know that? I recall Ristin mentioned some time ago that she thought Kari was unhappy. But no one was sure. Sometimes a woman pretends reluctance to make a man more attentive. Send her to Ristin, if you wish. She'll know which matriarchs will scare Capiam the most.'
She hugged him suddenly, tightly. With her face pressed against him, she said, 'I did not even know why I was running to you tonight. But you had the answers, to all my fears. I think I shall even be able to sleep a little this night.'
He stooped suddenly, lifted her off her feet. The strength of his arms around her, the ease with which he held her made her feel, not weak, but protected by his strength. She put his arms around his neck and hugged him close. He nodded toward the new tent.
'Sleep? I have a better idea,' he whispered.
She clung to him, teasing herself with the idea. 'I can't,' she murmured against his neck. His skin was salt against her mouth. 'I have to go back to Capiam's tent. I have to talk to Kari.'
'No,' he chided her. His hands supported her against him, sent warmth flowing across her skin in waves. 'Don't tell Kari now. She'd run right to Stina and Natta, wake them from a sound sleep, and sound like a foolish girl with marriage jitters. Have her go in the cool gray of morning, dressed sensibly and talking calmly. They must see her as a determined woman, not as a willful teasing girl.'
'Mm,' she said into his neck. She could not decide if his reasoning was sound or if she merely wanted it to be so that she could linger here with him. And Kerlew ...
'And stop fretting about Kerlew. If you will not believe as I do, that there is something about the boy that brings him through danger unscathed, then have faith in what you yourself have taught him. The boy is cautious to a fault. Let him have this bit of a dare; the other boys will hear of it, and respect him for it. But not if his parents run to fetch him down.'
A great stillness spread through Tillu's body. He could not have meant what he had so casually implied. He had been speaking in generalities. But never had any man ever spoken so of Kerlew, thoughtfully, as if he were a boy to be raised instead of a problem to be solved. A small part of herself hackled possessively; but within bloomed the perception that Heckram might know more of being a boy than she could.
He took her silence for assent. The top of the tent door brushed her head. He set her gently on her feet and stood in silence. She looked around. It was a man's tent, sternly practical. The one traveling chest in it was dark and scarred and plain. She wondered what had become of Elsa's unfinished trunk, then pushed the thought away. There was nothing here that was not Heckram. She saw him in the tidy pallet and the simple implements of his life. Then he touched her, his callused fingers running softly down her bare arm and setting her skin singing. The simple touch, the smell of man in the tent, the gentle glow of the coals on the hearth undid the catches on her self-control. The frustrated imaginings of the last few days rose rampant. Urgency seized her.
There was no time for careful undressing. She sensed his surprise as she tugged his shirt open and ran greedy hands over his chest. Her mouth followed them, and the taste of his skin made her dizzy. His tiny nipples stood up beneath her tongue. She felt him take a sudden breath. His hands ran down her back, slipped up inside her shirt.
Callused fingers stroked her breasts. She wondered who this woman was, who did not hesitate under his touch, but only felt her heat rise higher. Fear this man? His body seemed a part of her own already, hers to touch and use. It was natural to show him her wants, to guide one of his big hands down her belly. His hand slipped lower, exploring, and she held suddenly still, her mouth on his skin, her eyes closed. He moved so slowly, so carefully. But she was suddenly ready, more ready than she had ever been and unwilling to wait any longer. So a herdwoman could say who she would join? A woman could decide such things? Then ... She fumbled at the fastening of his trousers, dragging them down to expose his readiness. 'Tillu,' he murmured in pleased rebuke as she pushed him toward the bedding. She heard herself laugh softly, the sound of a woman who had taken possession of the moment and knew no fear. Her own boldness and his delighted response amazed her, feeding her aggression. She pulled him down onto the bedding, but was astonished when he rolled onto his back, ceding control to her. She hesitated.
'Shy?' Laughter behind his challenge.
She met his eyes frankly, found that she, too, could smile. Mating, she realized, did not have to be so serious a thing. Had only to be whatever they wanted to make it. 'No,'
she discovered aloud. 'But I'm not going to make all the efforts, either.'
'The second time, I'll do the work,' he promised, and pulled her down laughing atop him.
KERLEW: THE VISION
He sat quite still, his knees drawn up to his bony chest. Kerlew's buttocks were cold against the stone, but he didn't move. Moving didn't help. He was cold all over, he ached and his head felt light. Even when he sat still, he quivered. The shaking had been worst during the long climb; now it had settled down to a humming, like bees crawling over his skin. The only thing he didn't feel was hungry. Yesterday he had stopped feeling the pangs and nausea of extreme hunger. That was how Carp had known he was ready. He thought of food, of boiled eggs or meat seared hot. His stomach squeezed with revulsion. No. He wasn't interested in food anymore.
He braced his feet and pushed his back against the cold stone. He wasn't going to look down again. In the dimness of night, he hadn't minded so much. The tiny red fires below had not been, so different from the far stars above. Above. Below. He chuckled foolishly. Here he was, up again when he wanted to go down. Up the stone ridges, to the top of the Najd's Steps, when he needed to go down, into the caverns of the spirit world. He had tried to ask Carp about that, but the old najd had only flapped his question away with his leathery hand. He had been so impatient with Kerlew lately.
Chasing him outside so he could talk alone with Joboam, commanding silence when he asked about Kari or his mother. As if Kerlew didn't know what Carp and Joboam spoke of when they were alone. He knew. Spirits whispered to him while he slept, secrets crept into his ears. But Carp no longer wanted to hear what the spirits whispered in his dreams. Carp wanted only to eat, to wear fine garments, to chant and dance before all the people. He had no time for Kerlew's questions or objections.
'Just do,' he had said. 'Do what I tell you and do not wonder. You will know the place when you see it. When you get there, do what seems right, and wait for a vision. You may have to wait several days and nights. But do not be discouraged, nor afraid. Stay there, and stay awake until your vision comes. Do not sleep, do not eat, drink nothing.
Only wait. Then the vision will come. And you will be a najd.'
Then he had given Kerlew the little yellow root to chew. And sent him across the hummocky meadows to the base of the stone steps. When? A long, long time ago. He tried to put boundaries on the time. It had been morning at first. Then it had been the warm part of a day. He wasn't sure if there had been evening. But now there was a
