she’d put a couple of down comforters underneath for cushioning.
He spent his day surrounded by professionals, many of them women. He was used to seeing the females in his life dressed in suits or career dresses. As usual, Cynthia wore jeans and a sweater. Light makeup accentuated her hazel-green eyes, but any lipstick was long gone. She looked fresh and lovely and impossibly young. He knew he had no business messing with her or her life. If he was any kind of a decent human being, he would end this. But he couldn’t. Not yet.
“I thought we’d dine alfresco,” she said, motioning to the plates of food on the table. “Sort of a celebration.”
He took in the bright flowers in vases set strategically beside the table and the red-and-white checkered napkins by the plates. “A picnic?” he asked. “It’s November and it’s raining.”
“Not in here,” she said with a smile.
“But alfresco means ‘outside.’”
“If you’re going to get wildly technical, you’ll have to eat alone.”
The laughter in her eyes belied her stern tone. He found himself relaxing and enjoying her company. “Yes, ma’am.”
“That’s more like it.” She pointed to the wine. “Why don’t you go ahead and open that. I’ll start serving the food. Colton’s eaten already so he’ll just be watching.”
By the time he’d poured them each a glass of the smooth Chardonnay, she’d filled a plate for both of them. Jonathan couldn’t remember the last time he’d had dinner on the floor, but he was surprisingly comfortable with the arrangement. Colton found the simplest objects endlessly fascinating. He cooed over a set of keys, then went into baby rapture at the sight of an empty plate that doubled as a mirror.
Cynthia kept one eye on the infant as she ate her dinner. “You said your day was fine,” she said. “Do you want to go into detail on that?”
Jonathan hesitated. “Detective Stryker was by updating me on the case. The police want to go through all of David’s papers. Max Shelton, David’s lawyer was at the meeting as well. I told him to give the police anything they wanted. Even the things that are still covered by attorney-client privilege.” He took a bite of cold chicken and chewed. “David’s house is being inventoried at the end of the week. I want everything sold. The money will go in a trust for Colton.”
She looked at him, her expression sad. “I know that he’s not going to need the money. You’ll more than take care of him.” She paused. “You’re sure about selling the house?”
“You’ve seen it. Do you think it’s the right place to raise a small child?”
Cynthia shook her head. “No. It was cold and made me uncomfortable. Even Colton’s room wasn’t all that welcoming.”
“I’m going to make a trip over there tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “I’ve thought about what you said before-about saving some things for Colton.” He shrugged. “As much as I didn’t get along with my brother, I realize it’s important for Colton to have some link with his past.”
“I’ll go with you,” she told him. “That is if you want me along.” She held up a hand. “Before you automatically say no, consider the fact that even though you and David had some issues, he was still your brother and the house will remind you of him. It might be easier to have company.”
Cynthia spoke sincerely and he believed her. She led with her heart. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had offered to help, just to make a situation easier for him. Of course he had a staff at work and their jobs were to offer different kinds of support, but nothing like this.
“I’d like the company,” he said.
“Good.” She dazzled him with a smile. “I’ll leave Colton with Lucinda. That will make it easier for us to get things done and will make her afternoon.” She took a sip of wine. “Jonathan, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but why didn’t you get along with your father?”
He put down his plate. The smell of wood smoke drifted into the room. The sound of rain tapped against the windows. The night might be wet and cold, but here in the house, they were snug and warm. He thought about her question. If anyone else had asked, he wouldn’t have bothered answering. But this was Cynthia and she wasn’t curious, she was concerned. Odd how lately he’d learned the difference.
“My mother ran off when I was five,” he said at last. “She abandoned both me and my father. For some reason, he thought it was my fault. I never knew why. But from then on, he wouldn’t forgive me for being her son. I still lived in this house, but I could have been a ghost for all the notice he took of me.”
Cynthia stared at him. “I don’t understand.”
“You and me both.” He took a sip of wine, then focused his attention on Colton. It was easier to look at the baby than see the pity in Cynthia’s eyes. “My father remarried fairly quickly. Within a year, he had a new son. David was the golden boy. From then on, I couldn’t do anything right and David couldn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I’ve read your bio. You got terrific grades in school and were a star athlete. You turned down full scholarships to several universities because you could afford to pay your own way. You took your father’s company forward, changing it from a medium size, nearly failing firm into a multinational, I-don’t- know-how-many billion dollar success.”
He returned his attention to her and smiled. “Let me know if you want a job in my PR department.”
She shook her head. “I’m being serious. Are you saying that he never once acknowledged any of your accomplishments simply because he couldn’t forgive your mother?”
“Yes.”
The single word hung between them.
“It doesn’t matter,” he finally said. “I let it go a long time ago.”
“I don’t believe you.” She frowned. “Parents’ opinions matter, even when we don’t want them to. I think we’re hard-wired to need their approval and love.”
“It’s a nonissue for me,” he insisted. “As for the love part, that goes along with your Pollyanna attitude about families. Nice, but not necessary.”
“You can pretend all you want,” she said, “but I’m not buying it. However much you want to claim you don’t care or need love, it’s not true. Everyone needs a connection.”
“I’ve survived very nicely for thirty-seven years.”
She glanced at the baby. “What about Colton? Don’t you care about him?”
He hesitated. They were getting into dangerous territory. He knew what she wanted him to say, but he wasn’t going to lie to please her.
“Jonathan?” Her voice was low and pleading. “You have to believe you’ll come to love him.”
“Why?” He set down his wine and leaned toward her. “I’ve told you not to try to make me more than I am, Cynthia. Just a man. Not a saint or the devil. I have some flaws. I’ll admit mine are probably bigger than most, but I’ve learned to live with that.”
“No, you’re more than that.”
Her belief in him was painful. He found himself wanting to believe in himself the way she believed in him, but he knew it was all just illusion. Just like love itself.
“Love is temporary at best,” he said flatly.
“No.” She bit her lower lip. “I won’t accept that. I know how I feel about my family. I love them with all my heart. I would do anything for them. I gave up a career to move back here when Frank died, yet I would do it all again, gladly, because it was the right thing to do.”
“You gave up your career because the big city scared you and you were happy to escape home,” he told her.
But as soon as he said the words, he wanted to call them back. Cynthia flinched. She looked as stunned as if he’d slapped her.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, feeling like a complete jerk. “I didn’t mean that.”
She didn’t respond. He held out a hand to her. “Cynthia, please. Forgive me. I spoke out of turn. I know you’re not like that.”
Finally she reached out and took his hand in hers. “It’s okay,” she said. But even
