though she smiled, he saw the pain in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated and knew it wasn’t enough.
Later that night Cynthia curled up in Jonathan’s arms and listened to the sound of his steady breathing. Her body was content from their lovemaking, but her mind raced. She couldn’t forget all the things they’d talked about over dinner. Worse, she couldn’t convince herself that they didn’t matter.
Even as he slept at her side, his words echoed in her head. That love was temporary.
He couldn’t mean that, she told herself. It was so far from true. Jonathan had many faults, but ignoring the truth wasn’t one of them. It was his difficult past, she told herself. The things he’d had to live with as a child. His brief outline of his relationship with his father had chilled her heart. The elder Steele had made his oldest son’s life a living nightmare. Then David had grown up to hate him, turning his back on their blood relationship. In the end, Jonathan’s own brother had tried to kill him. No wonder he resisted everything to do with family.
But he had to believe in love. She was convinced that in time he would come to be devoted to his nephew. They would be father and son and that would go a long way to healing Jonathan’s painful wounds. As for her own feelings…she was less convinced about their future.
She desperately wanted to tell him how she felt. Tonight, while he’d spoken about his past, she’d wanted to pull him close and reassure him that everything was different now.
Cynthia disentangled herself from Jonathan and rolled onto her back. She stared up at the dark ceiling. Was that true, she asked herself. Had she used Frank’s death as an opportunity to creep back home where she was safe?
Her first instinct was to dismiss Jonathan’s comment. After all he’d been lashing out to protect himself. But she told herself not to be hasty. If there was even a thread of truth, she had to find it and explore what it meant. If she’d been hiding behind her family then that was a problem she needed to address. Not only for herself, but for any future she might dream of having with Jonathan and Colton.
“David’s home was featured in several decorating magazines,” Jonathan said as he led the way upstairs in his brother’s house the next afternoon. “He had his secretary send me copies.”
Behind him Cynthia sighed. “Must have been the spread under the too-white-and- scary section of the magazine,” she said. “This place gives me the willies. Everything is so stark. At first I wasn’t sure about your plan to sell it all and put the money in trust for Colton, but now that I’m here for the second time I know it’s the right decision. Colton will be much happier growing up in your house.”
They reached the landing of the second floor. Cynthia moved next to him and smiled. He studied her face. As usual, he’d left for work before she was awake, but when he’d gone by his place to pick her up, he’d sensed that there was something wrong. That she was upset with him. He wondered if it was their conversation from the previous day. He regretted his harsh words, but aside from apologizing-which he’d already done-he didn’t know how to fix the situation.
“Let’s start with Colton’s room,” she said and turned in that direction.
He trailed after her. They walked into the baby’s room. At his house Colton’s quarters were warm and inviting. The scent of baby powder and lotion lingered in the air. There were stacks of diapers, picture books, toys and stuffed animals scattered around the room. In this elegant surrounding, there was only perfection.
Cynthia walked to the dresser and began opening drawers. “Would you please check the closet,” she said as she searched through stacks of tiny clothing.
“What am I looking for?”
“Anything you think Colton might want. Pictures, something old that could be a hand-me-down.”
He thought of his coolly elegant sister-in-law. “Lisa wasn’t the type.”
“Maybe not for herself, but there might be a baby quilt or blanket. Something from her family.”
He opened the closet door. There were several tiny garments on miniature hangers, along with an impossibly small coat. But nothing else. The long walk-in space was empty.
“I don’t think Lisa had family,” he said shutting the door. “At the wedding, her side of the church had friends from college, but no relatives. Of course I was merely an invited guest, so I wouldn’t have been introduced to people like that.”
Cynthia glanced at him sharply. “You weren’t David’s best man?”
Her innocence surprised him. “I was there because David expected a big gift. The same thing happened when Colton was born, only that time I received a notice in the mail, not an invitation to the christening.”
“But that’s crazy.”
He looked at her. “Cynthia, the man tried to have me killed.”
She straightened, then sighed. “You’re right. I have trouble remembering that. Mostly, I guess, because I don’t want to. If I could change your past, I would. I would make everything better.”
He knew she meant what she said. Because she was a dreamer who saw beauty where others only saw broken, tattered disappointments.
He found himself wanting to ease her pain, which was crazy but true. “I could have a private investigator look for Lisa’s family. Maybe there are distant relatives Colton would want to meet as he got older.”
His words had the desired effect. She beamed at him as if he’d caused the morning’s sunrise. “I think that’s great,” she said.
Who was this woman who had twisted him around until he didn’t know where he was or where he was going? Why did he give a damn about her feelings or opinions? And why did the sight of her happy smile make him want to take on the world?
“I’ll have my secretary find research investigators in the morning,” he said.
Cynthia returned her attention to the dresser drawers. “Oh, speaking of your secretary. I spoke to her this morning. She’s saved some time on your schedule for the next couple of weeks so you can start interviewing potential candidates.” She closed the drawer she’d gone through and moved on to the next. “She said that you would like me to be a part of the interview process.”
Jonathan didn’t know what to say. A different nanny living in his house? When he’d first found out he was his nephew’s legal guardian, he hadn’t wanted to deal with the disruption of his life. But now that Cynthia and Colton had moved in with him, he found that the disruption wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Besides, he couldn’t imagine anyone else but her caring for Colton.
She turned her head and glanced at him. “I don’t mind helping,” she said softly. “I do this a lot for my clients. I suggest we use my office for the interviews so that the candidates aren’t in awe of their surroundings.”
“Thanks,” he said, when what he really wanted to ask was if she would find it easy to walk away from him. He and Cynthia shared something far beyond a working relationship. But getting involved wasn’t his style. He should be pleased that she was willing to accept the time they had together for what it was and be so comfortable with moving along when they were done.
She drew a photo album from a bottom drawer and flipped through the pages. “This seems to be a record of Lisa’s pregnancy. We should put this in the Keep pile.”
As it was the first object they’d decided to hang on to there wasn’t a pile yet, but he took the album out into the hall to start one. From downstairs came the sound of thumping feet.
Cynthia came out of the bedroom. “What is that?” she asked.
“An invasion,” he said cheerfully. “I called your mother and invited her and the kids over. Not so much to help, but to provide a distraction as we go through the rooms. I figured ten-year-old twin
