control. Fortunately he hadn’t done anything about it. Since that last kiss, he’d been a perfect gentleman. They’d spent long afternoons together with Christie. Once Christie was in bed, she and Parker often talked in the evenings. She’d even shared some details about her past. And through it all, he’d barely touched her. She was relieved.
Erin brushed the tip of her nose to see if it was growing. She didn’t usually lie to herself. Especially not about something so obvious. She wasn’t relieved. She was confused and aroused and frustrated. She wanted to grab Parker by his shirtfront and kiss him until they forgot the “supposed tos” and simply reacted. She wanted to run home to Palmdale and pretend this summer had never happened. She wanted to follow Kiki on her next date and ask if the guy had a friend.
Instead of doing any of that, she collected her mail and left the bedroom. Before heading downstairs, she stuck her head in Christie’s room. The little girl was sound asleep in her bed. Erin moved back into the hall and headed for the stairs.
She paused on the second-floor landing and glanced out the window. It was one of those perfect summer nights that usually only happen in the movies. The stars were a glinting backdrop for the brilliant half moon. Below, the ocean reached endlessly for the shore. The temperature was still pleasant.
She continued down the stairs. The house was quiet. It usually was once Christie was in bed and Kiki had left for her evening out. Erin envied the other woman’s life-style. Not that she, Erin, wanted to be having sex with three different men. She envied Kiki’s freedom and her willingness to do exactly what she wanted. Kiki was happy and content. Erin was only mildly frustrated to admit that Kiki had had more sex in the past month than Erin had had in her whole life.
When she reached the main floor, she dropped her bills on the table by the front door. Kiki would take them out to the mail tomorrow. As she turned toward the stairs, Erin noticed the terrace doors were open. She could see Parker standing by the waist-high stone wall.
She walked toward him. “Is this a private party or can anyone come?” she asked.
He settled one hip on the stone wall and beckoned her closer. “You’re welcome if you don’t mind sharing the dance floor with a few ghosts.”
“Don’t tell me this place is haunted. I haven’t heard a peep since I arrived.”
His dark hair drifted onto his forehead. He brushed it back with a smooth, easy gesture. “No ghosts in residence. The only ones here tonight are mine.”
She moved closer and studied him. “Are you all right?”
His dark gaze met hers. “Never better.”
She saw the pain etched in his face and knew the ghosts he talked about were from his past. “Liar,” she said softly. “There
“Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. I thought maybe I could fool you.”
“I know you pretend to be a tough guy, but the act is wasted on me. I saw you reading a bedtime story to your daughter tonight. Hardly a macho act.”
Instead of teasing her back, as he usually did, Parker stared out at the ocean. “That damn book,” he muttered.
The day had been warm. He wore a red polo shirt tucked into tailored shorts. She’d tried not to notice his long, lean, tanned legs as he’d walked around the house. Thank goodness it was too dark to see them clearly now. But she could see the sadness twisting his mouth and the restless stirring of his hands as he first gripped the railing, then folded his arms over his chest. His brooding emotions doused her heat as effectively as a cold shower.
She moved closer still, this time spurred by compassion rather than desire. “What book?”
“Christie’s book on families. That’s what I was reading to her tonight.”
“I don’t understand.”
He shrugged. “It’s about what makes up a family and explains how families can be different, so long as they work. It made me think about-”
“Robin?” she asked quietly.
“I wish. That would be easy. It made me think about my folks.”
“What about them? Do you want them to meet Christie? I wouldn’t mind. They must be very proud of you and all you’ve accomplished.”
He laughed harshly. “You’d think so, but they don’t give a damn.”
“Parker, I’m sorry.” She leaned against the railing and stared up at him. She and Stacey had lost their parents at a young age. She would have given anything to have been able to change that. All she and Stacey had cared about was being part of a family again. Why couldn’t people realize how lucky they were before they lost everything?
“I tell myself they’re unhappy people,” he said. “When I was growing up they never talked. I would go to friends’ houses for dinner and their parents actually talked to each other. Not my folks. The television always played at dinner, no one ever spoke.”
“How did you get into computers?” she asked.
“A science project in junior high. I had a weird teacher who encouraged exploring different things. I wanted to learn what made a computer work so he gave me a broken one to take apart. The first time I looked inside and saw all the components, then sat down with a working system, I thought it was magic. Then I figured out how to make that magic work for me.”
He continued to stare out at the ocean. “I tried to tell my dad about it that night, but he didn’t want to listen. He drove a cement truck, worked hard all day and just wanted to come home and sit in front of the television. I never did figure out what my mother did with her life. She didn’t work, but she was always too busy for me. Eventually I gave up trying to get their attention. I buried myself in computers and never looked up until college.”
He’d told her this part. “When Robin was your lab partner.”
“Yeah. We were nerds together.”
It was funny, but over the past week or so, his talking about Robin had ceased to bother her. Erin wasn’t sure why. His voice changed when he mentioned his late wife. She knew he loved her and would always love her. But Robin was gone and she’d figured out that because Parker was faithful enough to continue to mourn her, he was the kind of person she wanted to know.
“I can’t picture you being a nerd,” she said. “You’re too good-looking.”
He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows. “You think I’m good-looking?”
She rolled her eyes, then realized that’s where Christie had picked up the habit. “Stop fishing for a compliment.” She leaned close to him and gently bumped him with her shoulder. “You’ve done great. If your parents don’t want to acknowledge that, it’s their loss.”
“I tell myself that. When we first hit it big, I sent them a check for fifty thousand dollars. I thought they could fix up the house, or sell it and move somewhere else. Maybe buy a car. I was willing to give them anything they wanted.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing. They didn’t move, they didn’t even get new carpeting. My mother barely mentioned receiving the check. I know they got it because it cleared the bank, but the last time I visited them, everything was the same, right down to the peeling linoleum in the kitchen.”
“How sad for them and you,” she murmured.
He placed his hand on the back of her head and drew her close to him. She rested her forehead against his chest. The contact wasn’t sexual. She sensed he wanted comfort and connection. She was pleased to offer both.
“Some people are afraid of living,” he said. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”
His words echoed in her brain.
She didn’t want to believe that. She wasn’t unhappy. She had her job. It wasn’t her dream or even close to perfect, but it wasn’t horrible. Then there was Christie. The little girl was the most precious gift she’d ever received. Christie was alive. But was she the only one?
“What are you thinking?” Parker asked. He placed his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. “Did I
