Shelter In A Soldier's Arms

He turned toward the feminine warmth pressing against him, only to find Ashley watching him. She smiled slowly.

'Good morning.'

Her voice was velvet, her body silk. He found himself instantly aroused by her presence and the acceptance he saw in her eyes.

'How'd you sleep?' he asked, turning toward her and touching her cheek.

'Really well.' She hesitated. 'At the risk of starting your day with the words every man hates to hear… we have to talk.'

Her hair was a mess. Dark curls teased at her face and shot out in every direction like an uneven halo. Her skin was slightly flushed and the scent of their lovemaking clung to the sheets. Her need to have a conversation didn't disturb what he considered a perfect moment.

He knew what she was going to say. A casual relationship with him wasn't her style. This wasn't sensible; they had to end it. He told himself that he didn't mind. The past two nights had been more than he'd expected. They would be enough.

'Talk away,' he said easily, propping his head on one hand.

'Oh, sure. Make me be the one.' She flopped onto her back, then turned her head toward him. 'Jeff, what are we doing?'

He wanted to say they had been sleeping and now they were having a discussion, but he knew that wasn't exactly what she meant. 'What would you like us to be doing?'

'If anyone else gave me that answer, I would instantly accuse the man of hedging, but I suspect you're asking because you genuinely want to know. Am I right?'

He nodded. She wanted to talk about them. About their potentially mutual goals and desires. He didn't have either-at least none that included a normal relationship with a very nice woman.

She pressed her lips together. 'I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that I think you're out of your element with me. Am I right?'

He nodded again. Now it was his turn to settle onto his back.

'Jeff, is there anyone special in your life?'

He knew what she was asking. 'No. I wouldn't be here with you if there was.'

'That's what I thought but I had to be sure.' She slid her hand toward him under the covers and lightly touched his arm. 'Has there been anyone special recently?'

He thought about the question. Recently there had been no one. 'No. There hasn't been anyone in my life since Nicole.'

And in an odd way, Nicole hadn't been in his life at all. The young man she'd married had disappeared in a matter of months. By their second anniversary, it was as if that Jeffrey Ritter had never existed.

He saw now that he shouldn't have married her. Or having married her, he shouldn't have gone into Special Forces. He'd changed so much so quickly. Their marriage had never had a chance. As for other women since then, they had existed but not the way Ashley meant. They had been nameless, faceless companions of the night. Strangers who welcomed him for an hour or a day. One woman had hung on for nearly two weeks.

'I haven't been with anyone since Damian,' Ashley confessed. She shifted, curling against him. 'There were a few guys before I met him, but I was pretty young then. It didn't really count.'

'You're still pretty young.'

'Jeff!'

He looked at her as she raised herself up on one elbow. 'I'm twenty-five. That's hardly a baby.'

'I'm thirty-three.'

'So what? That makes you an old man?'

He was older than she could know. He'd seen so much that no one should ever see.

She sighed and settled back against him. He could feel her bare breast pressing against his arm. 'You make me crazy,' she murmured. 'You're not that old.'

'If you say so.'

'I do. Besides, that wasn't the point. Damian was the first man I'd ever been with, which makes you the second.'

Her words stunned him. He heard them and turned them over in his brain without having a clue as to what to do with them.

'Ashley?'

'Yeah, yeah, I get it. More than you wanted to know.'

'Why did you tell me?'

'Because…' She pressed her lips to his bare arm. 'Because I want you to know that I think what we have is very special. I think you're special.'

She thought they had something. A relationship? Was that possible? He wanted to tell her that he didn't know how, that he wasn't safe. That this wasn't safe. Not for either of them.

'I didn't want this,' she continued. 'Getting involved, I mean. Based on how you live your life, I'm guessing you didn't want it, either. Which means we should probably assume it's just hormones and that whatever it is will pass.'

He risked looking at her and nearly lost himself in her beautiful eyes. 'What didn't you want?'

She smiled. 'The complication. The attraction. I spent yesterday being completely schizophrenic-bouncing between grinning like an idiot and promising myself I would end this immediately.'

So she'd been feeling the same things he had. 'If you planned on telling me it was over last night, the lace nightgown was a mixed message.'

'I know.' Her smile faded. 'Jeff, neither of us wants this. The timing is bad, it's confusing. There are probably a hundred reasons to pretend it never happened, but that's not what I want.'

'What do you want?'

She settled her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. 'To play it by ear. To enjoy my time with you without getting too personally involved or getting hurt.'

Until it's time for me to leave.

She didn't say those last words, but he heard the message and knew she was correct. They could pretend for now. Pretend that they were allowed to be lovers and act like other people. But they both knew the truth. Eventually she would walk away from him because he could never give her what she needed and deserved. And he would let her go because to keep her in his world meant being distracted. One mistake on an assignment could easily be the end of him and the client.

'I need to keep my own room,' she said. 'So Maggie doesn't get confused. I don't want her to know about this. I thought I'd plan on heading back there before she wakes up.'

She was talking about spending her nights with him. Of them being together in the same bed for hours at a time. Not just making love, but holding and touching and sleeping together. Longing filled him. A need to inhale the scent of her and be with her until the memories were so strong that he could never forget.

'So what do you think?' she asked. She opened her eyes and looked at him. 'You haven't said what you want.'

He knew this was all pretend, but it was more than he had ever had, so it was enough. 'I want to make you happy,' he said. 'I want to do whatever you would like.'

She grinned. 'Really?'

He turned her onto her back and slid one thigh between hers. 'Absolutely anything.'

'How wonderful,' she murmured. 'I'll give you a list of requests tonight.'

'Why don't we start right now?'

* * *

'Mommy, I found one!' Maggie squealed with delight, then held up a brightly colored yellow plastic egg. 'Uncle Jeff, look!'

'How many is that?' he asked.

Maggie glanced into her basket. 'Four,' she said with a reverence generally used by chronic shoppers at a