Put me down. I'm not happy about this.'
He knew, but he couldn't help smiling at her. 'We're having a baby.'
'I believe I was the one who informed you of that. Stop grinning like a sheep. This isn't good news.'
He tried to sober. 'I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't playing with you, Ashley. I didn't know I could get you pregnant. Based on what the doctor had told me before, I never thought it would be an issue. I really do have a low sperm count. If you would like the name and phone number of the doctor, I'll give it to you. I wasn't being irresponsible on purpose.'
She pulled away from him and moved over to the leather sofa by the back wall. Once there, she sank onto a cushion and dropped her head into her hands.
'I know,' she said softly. 'I never thought you planned this. I mean I know I sort of implied it by what I said, but that was more shock and temper than anything else.' She raised her head and looked at him. 'You might not have many sperm but the ones you have seem frisky enough.'
She drew in a shaky breath, then swore and started to cry. 'I can't believe this is happening to me. I thought I finally had my life all together. I had so many plans for Maggie and myself and now I'm going to have a b- baby.'
The last word broke on a sob. Jeff knelt beside her. As he had before when she'd cried, he touched her tears, marveling in her ability to feel so much. To let herself live in the world rather than outside of it.
'I know you're confused and upset,' he said soothingly. He was neither. The path was obvious to him. He'd created this problem in her life and he was going to fix it. 'You don't have to be. Your plans will be different now, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'll be providing for you, Maggie and the baby. You can finish your degree or not. It's your choice.'
She blinked and several more tears ran down her cheeks. 'That's crazy, Jeff. We're not your responsibility. Well, maybe the baby is, but not the rest of it.'
'I want the responsibility. I want to take care of you. I want you to marry me.'
Married?
'You want to marry me?' she asked, not able to believe what he'd said.
'Yes. As soon as possible.'
She shook her head. When she'd first suspected the truth, she'd dismissed the possibility of being pregnant. Never one for a regular period, the length of time since her last one hadn't been much of a concern. But as the days had turned into weeks, she'd begun to wonder. Then yesterday when she'd stopped at the drugstore to buy vitamins for Maggie, she'd found herself in the family-planning aisle, studying the different pregnancy kits. Even as she'd told herself it wasn't possible, she'd bought one. Two hours ago, she'd had her hunch confirmed.
She'd been so angry, first at Jeff for what she'd thought were his lies, but mostly at herself. She knew better. She was smart and responsible. So why had she gotten so careless with something as important as birth control? She'd always wanted more kids, but not like this.
'You don't have to do this,' she told him. 'While I'd appreciate some help until I get my degree, marriage isn't necessary.'
She wished he wouldn't talk about it anymore. She didn't want to be married to someone who didn't care about her. She didn't want to be an obligation.
He cupped her face in his large, strong hand. Despite not knowing how she was going to put her life back together, she couldn't help rubbing her cheek against his palm. If she had to have an unexpected pregnancy, she would prefer Jeff to be the father. At least she knew she was getting a very strong, intelligent gene pool.
'I want to marry you,' he said, gazing into her eyes. 'Not because it's the right thing to do, but because I don't want to let you go. I'm not willing to lose you, Maggie or the baby.'
Happiness crashed over her like a wave. She flung her arms around him and pulled him close.
'You care!' she said, starting to cry all over again, but this time they were tears of happiness. 'Oh, Jeff, I'd hoped you did, but I wasn't sure. You never said anything. You could be distant. I was afraid you were just in it for the sex.'
She sniffed and straightened, then kissed him on the mouth, on his nose, on his cheeks, before hugging him again.
'I love you,' she whispered fiercely. 'I have for a long time. At least it's been coming on for a while. I knew for sure that weekend we went away. My very own warrior.'
'Ashley.' He was the one to pull back this time. He wiped away her tears. 'You don't have to say this. I want to marry you.'
'No. It's not because of the baby.' She grasped his hands in hers. 'Please don't think it's because of that or gratitude. I really mean it. I love you so much. You're everything I've ever wanted. I can't believe I got so lucky to find someone like you. Someone so good and strong. You're different from any man I've ever known.'
She sniffed, then smiled. 'I know the whole emotional thing is really hard for you, so I'm doubly honored that you would trust me with your heart. I swear, I'll never give you a reason to regret this. I'll love you forever.'
He leaned forward and kissed her. 'You make me very happy,' he told her.
'And I'm even a pretty decent evasive driver,' she teased, then kissed him back.
All her dreams were finally coming true, she thought as he pulled her close and hugged her. Jeff loved her more than anyone in the world. In his arms she could feel safe, loved and at home.
'Mommy, you have a secret,' Maggie complained that night at dinner. 'I can tell.'
Jeff wasn't surprised the little girl had figured out something was different with her mother. Ashley practically glowed. Her smile was radiant, her step extra-bouncy, her conversation excited.
'A secret?' Ashley said, her voice teasing. 'You think so?' She turned to smile at him, a smile full of adoration. 'What do
He knew she was playing a game and wanted him to be a part of it. But he couldn't be as lighthearted about the situation. He was confused and felt guilty. Which didn't make sense because he'd been telling the truth when he'd said he would marry her. He wanted to marry her. However, she thought he loved her.
Love. Jeff didn't know what the word meant. Not anymore. Perhaps there had been a time when he'd been a part of a family, just like everyone else. Those long-ago memories didn't have any place in his current reality. So when she said she loved him, he wasn't sure if he understood what that meant.
He believed in Ashley's capacity to love. He'd seen it firsthand with Maggie. Ashley was patient and caring. She'd seen him at his worst and she was still here. Wanting to be with him. Claiming to love him.
'Mommy, tell me!' Maggie pursed her lips together in a scowl. 'I want to know!'
Ashley pulled her daughter onto her lap and hugged her. 'Okay. It's a really good secret. I think you're going to be very happy.'
Maggie's blue eyes widened. 'Are we getting a kitten?'
'No. It's better than that.'
Now that Ashley had Maggie's attention, she hesitated. Jeff knew her well enough to know that she was searching for the right words. She wanted to explain the situation simply and in a way that left the four-year-old feeling safe.
He was glad he wasn't the one who had to figure the best way to say it. Words had never been his strong suit. Actions had always been easier.
As Ashley started talking about how nice it had been to live in 'Uncle Jeff's' house, he studied them. The overhead kitchen light illuminated their faces, making the similarities between them easy to spot. How much would their child look like Ashley? Or would the child look like him?
The questions startled him, reminding him again of the fact that he and Ashley were going to have a baby together. He dropped his gaze to her flat stomach. A baby grew in there. He was still stunned that he'd been able to get her pregnant. Now that she and Maggie were going to be a permanent part of his world, he was determined to take care of them.
'Well,' Ashley was saying, 'what if we never had to leave Uncle Jeff's house? What if we lived here for always?'
