She could never-
Ashley froze in the center of the kitchen. She blinked once, then again. She wanted Jeff to love her on her timetable. She wanted him to love her unconditionally.
But what about Jeff? Didn't he deserve the same wants and desires? Wasn't he entitled to a love that encompassed all of him, not just the parts she really liked? Who was she to dictate his life? As he'd pointed out the previous night, she'd known what he was when she'd met him. So why was she so angry about it now? Was it possible that she wanted to be loved unconditionally without doing the same in return?
As if showing a movie, her brain flashed pictures of her time with Jeff. From the first moment they'd met, he'd been giving, gentle and kind. He didn't know how to be a husband or a father, yet he was willing to take on both jobs. The second she'd told him about the baby, he'd wanted to marry her. In the past couple of months, he'd started to change, opening up more, feeling more. Perhaps he didn't know what was in his heart; perhaps he could never say the words. But she knew. He was a man deeply committed. He was a man in love.
How could she have been so incredibly stupid? Was she really going to let him walk out of her life, possibly get killed, thinking she was mad at him? He was everything she'd ever wanted. Why on earth was she willing to let him go?
She glanced at the clock and panicked. There wasn't much time.
'Maggie?' she yelled, running toward the family room. 'We have to go out right now. I want us to say goodbye to Jeff.'
Jeff crossed to the waiting area. The jet was due to take off in about ten minutes. His team was in place. They'd finished their last equipment check and were getting ready to board when he heard a high-pitched voice.
'Daddy! We want to say goodbye.'
Stunned, Jeff turned slowly and saw Maggie and Ashley waving from the entrance to the building. The little girl broke away from her mother and ran toward him. She held out her arms and threw herself at him.
'Mommy drove really fast,' Maggie confided before giving him a wet kiss on his cheek. 'We didn't want to miss you.'
He looked at Ashley for confirmation. She shrugged sheepishly. 'I wasn't reckless and I didn't go over the speed limit-much.'
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She wore jeans and a sweater and she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
'You're not mad at me anymore?' he asked, not sure what could have changed her mind.
She moved close and joined her daughter in wrapping her arms around him. 'I'm sorry, Jeff. I shouldn't have said all those things.' She looked up at him and grinned. 'Just because you're an idiot doesn't mean I'm going to stop loving you.'
Her words were like a soothing balm on the open wounds of his heart.
'Besides,' she said. 'You have to come back and marry me. Maggie wants you to be her dad. I want you to be my husband and we have that other consideration.'
He knew she was referring to the baby. He put Maggie on the ground and took Ashley's hands in his. 'But this is what I am. I'm not going to change. I'm a soldier, Ashley. Parts of me will never see the light of day.'
'I know. While that doesn't make me happy, I accept and love all of you. Just don't you dare die out there. I'll be so angry, I'll hunt you down in the afterworld.'
'Are you sure?'
She nodded. 'I understand why you have to question me, Jeff. I'm sorry for how I acted. You're the best man I've ever known. It's okay that you can't speak from your heart yet. I even get that you may never be able to say the words. But your actions have a voice of their own and they tell me how you feel.'
She hesitated, then shrugged. 'All my life I've wanted someone to love me more than anything. I finally figured out I'd better be worth that kind of devotion. Which means I don't have the right to change your life. As you pointed out to me last night, I knew exactly who and what you were when I fell in love with you.'
She rose on her toes and kissed him on the mouth. 'We'll miss you while you're gone and we'll be waiting for you to return. I love you.'
Jeff released her hands. Ashley watched him embrace her daughter, then he hugged her one last time. She tried not to cling to him, but it was hard. She wanted to beg him to stay. She wanted to plead her case one last time, telling him that they needed him alive. But she didn't. He had a job to do and she needed to respect that.
So she put on a brave face as he walked away and kept the tears at bay until he walked out of the hangar and toward the jet waiting on the runway. She saw Zane climbing the stairs. Jeff was right behind him. It was only then that she allowed herself to give in to the sadness filling her.
'Mommy, why are you crying?' Maggie asked.
'I'm going to miss Jeff very much.'
Tears spilled out of her daughter's eyes. 'Me, too. I'm going to pray for him every night.'
Ashley would do the same. Pray and wait and love him because he was the best part of her.
She picked up Maggie and held her close. Together they made their way to the car.
'We're a mess,' Ashley said, trying to stem the flow of tears. 'Look at us.'
She managed a feeble smile. Maggie attempted one, as well, but it wasn't very successful. Ashley fumbled with her keys. She set her daughter on the ground so she could push the metal into the lock.
Moisture blurred her vision. Behind them, the whine of the jet engine increased. He was leaving and she had to let him go.
She shoved the key into the lock, but it wouldn't fit. Then a warm, strong hand settled on top of hers, steadying her, guiding her, and the key slid home.
Ashley turned and saw Jeff standing behind her. 'How…? What…? Oh, thank you.'
She flung herself into his arms, clinging as if she would never let go.
'Zane said I was an idiot for leaving you and Maggie,' he murmured against her hair. 'I finally figured out he was right. Besides, he always did hate sharing the glory.'
She didn't know what to say. Happiness flooded her, filling her so much, she thought she might start to glow.
'You're really here? You're not leaving?'
He bent and picked up Maggie. 'No more dangerous assignments,' he promised. 'I can't be fearless anymore. After all, I have something wonderful in my life now. Three somethings I don't want to lose.'
'I can count to three,' Maggie informed them. 'Daddy, if you're not going away, can I have a kitten?'
'Absolutely.'
Ashley laughed, then kissed Jeff. He held them both close.
'I get it,' he said softly, staring into her eyes. 'I finally understand what I've been fighting for so long. I know what's in my heart. It's why I couldn't leave. I love you, Ashley. And Maggie and-' he glanced at her stomach '-you know.'
'Really?'
'More than anything in the world. For always. With you I can finally find my way home.'
Epilogue
The summer sun was warm and bright in the sky. Jeff looked up from the book he was reading as Maggie and her best friend, Julie, ran across the backyard. They were followed by two golden retrievers, sisters from the same litter. Laughter filled the air, making him smile.
He turned his attention to the shade in the corner where Ashley lay on a blanket, an eighteen-month-old blond boy snuggled at her side. As he watched the woman he loved and his firstborn son, he felt a familiar sensation of
