Straight From The Hip

more self-pity?

Every part of her hurt. Shame made her skin burn. She’d been so happy. She thought she was fitting in. Had it all been a joke to everyone else? Had Nick mocked her feeble attempts to seduce him? Had those really been pity kisses?

She covered her face with her hands, then dropped them back to her sides when she heard footsteps upstairs. She didn’t want to run into Aaron, she thought grimly. She raced toward the front door and stepped out into the night.

It might be early September, but it was still warm after dark. Humidity hung in the air, a wet blanket of moisture. Crickets called to each other. Other bugs chatted and sang. This was their time. Still, Izzy felt cold and she hugged herself as she eased toward the benches she knew lined the porch.

The darkness seemed a good place to hide, she thought as she sank down and pulled her knees to her chest. Aaron would go out through the rear of the house. She didn’t have to worry about running into him here. She could gather her strength and figure out what she was going to say the next time they crossed paths.

He hadn’t tried to be mean, she told herself. Not really. He was just being Aaron. He’d been good to her and he was very much a friend. But with affection and connection came the ability to wound.

She heard footsteps and turned toward the sound. It was dark, so she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t find a way to escape.

“Izzy?”

Relief allowed her to breathe again. “Nick.”

“What are you doing out here?” he asked.

“Hiding,” she admitted. “Aaron and I had a fight.”

“How is that possible? He loves you.”

“He thinks I should get the surgery so I can tell him how great he looks.”

“It’s as good a reason as any.”

She dropped her feet to the floor. “Very funny. Look, this is my body and my decision. You both need to lay off about the surgery. It’s not for you to say.”

“I’ll agree, but only for tonight.”

“Great. I’ll take what I can get. Where have you been for the past couple of days?”

“Here.”

“Okay, yes. You’ve physically been on the ranch, but you’ve been hiding out. What’s going on?”

“Nothing I want to talk about. Want to go for a run?”

“What? Now? It’s dark.”

“It’s barely dark and there’s a full moon coming up. Come for a run with me. You’ll be exhausted and you’ll sleep better.”

“I don’t have any trouble sleeping,” she grumbled, but she stood as she spoke and followed him down the two stairs to the front of the house. “Where are we going?”

“To the main road and back. It’s barely three miles. You up to it?”

“I have no idea. I’ve never been much of a runner.”

“I’ll go easy on you.”

“Like I’ll believe that.”

She didn’t like that it was dark. There might be a moon but it wasn’t like the sun as far as illuminating the world around her. Everything was blurry and menacing. But then she remembered Rita’s words about taking life one scary dark place at a time and moved next to Nick.

He jogged silently at first, setting a pace that challenged her without being impossible. They were in the center of the paved road that passed as a driveway. It was wide and relatively flat.

“Is Aaron already gone?” she asked. “I’m not in the mood to get run over by a man eager to be on his date.”

“He left a while ago.”

She nodded.

He’d left without trying to find her. Without saying he was sorry. She told herself their fight wasn’t important, but was the larger message that she wasn’t significant to anyone here?

“Focus on your breathing,” Nick said. “Feel it moving in and out of your body. Steady breaths. Match it with the sound of your feet and the way your body feels with each step. The energy flows through you. Every beat of your heart makes you stronger. Can you see the moonlight at all?”

She squinted at the sky. “Maybe. A little.”

“The glow is there, even if you can’t see it. The moon moves, goes through its cycle, regardless of what we do here on Earth.”

“Why are you talking like this?” she asked.

“Because it’s what you need to hear.”

“I gotta tell you, this is a little Zen for me. I’m not especially spiritual.”

“Maybe that’s the problem.”

“Do you want me to hit you? Because I can. I’ve been working out. I can hit you really, really hard.”

“If you can catch me.”

Who was this guy?

“Did you fall and hit your head?” she asked. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

“I’m showing you there’s another side of life. There’s a pattern to all that happens. You’re a single part of a greater whole. At the same time, you are the greater whole all on your own.”

She slowed, then stopped. “Now you’re freaking me out.”

He stopped in front of her. “What are you most afraid of in the world?”

That was easy. “The dark.”

“There’s no moon tonight, Izzy. Even you would be able to see it. It’s completely dark and yet you weren’t afraid.”

She shoved him as hard as she could. It was like trying to push down a house. “What? You lied to me? That’s really nice. Because I wasn’t already having a bad enough day?”

“You have it within you to be anything you want. You have the power. You always have. You’re not afraid of the dark. It’s not a wild animal that can hurt you. What you’re really afraid of is how you’ll deal with being in the dark. What you fear is yourself.”

She glared at his blurry shape, then pushed past him and headed back toward the house. “I liked you a lot better when you were just a guy.”

He followed her, staying behind her, but always close enough for her to hear his steps. Probably a deliberate act, she thought, furious with him for misleading her and herself for falling for it.

She wanted to scream at him that she was tired of the games. She just wanted to go home. Except where was home? Not Glory’s Gate. Even if she wanted to go back there, which she didn’t, Jed wouldn’t let her. So what was left? Living with Lexi and Cruz? Talk about three’s a crowd. She could get her own apartment. Except how would she get around? How would she buy groceries and find a job and support herself?

Maybe Skye would change the trust she’d created for Izzy out of her inheritance, allowing Izzy access to the money now. Only then what? She would be a semi-wealthy blind woman living in an apartment she couldn’t leave? What was she going to do with her life?

Suddenly it wasn’t the dark she wanted to escape, it was the uncertainty. She started to run again, only faster this time. She ran and ran until she saw the house in front of her. She dashed inside and took the stairs as quickly as she could. She raced into her bedroom and shut the door. Then she carefully turned on all the lights.

BETWEEN HER LAST CONVERSATION with Aaron and with Nick, Izzy didn’t know what to do with herself. She seriously debated getting the address of the ranch from Norma and calling a cab for a ride to Dallas. The only thing that stopped her was what she would do when she got there.

She sat at the breakfast table, sipping on coffee, staring out into the bright light of the morning. She could almost convince herself last night hadn’t happened. But what was the point in that? She might not appreciate Nick’s tactics, but she understood the purpose behind the message.

Someone entered the kitchen. She recognized Aaron’s footsteps.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he approached the table. “I was bitchy because I was nervous about my date. I just