number three in the overall ranking. You don’t get that high up in the standings without a hell of a lot of hard work. Now you’re telling me you want to walk away from it?”
If she was number three, who were two and one? She had a feeling Zach took first place. He’d always been excellent. Funny, seven years ago Zach had warned her what would happen if she stayed with the agency. Now she faced that reality.
“I’m not sure I can explain it to you,” she said.
“Try.”
She leaned back in the chair and rested her hands on her lap. Once the mission ended, she’d changed back into jeans and a sweatshirt. Nothing stylish, despite being in the nation’s capital.
“I know eight different ways to kill a man. I shot one rescuing Zach.”
“I know. I read it in the debriefing report.”
“Did it mean anything?” she asked.
“What? That soldier’s death?”
She nodded.
“No. Why should it?”
“My point exactly.” She stared at him. “I killed someone. I took a life. Not my first, but certainly my last. I didn’t care when I shot him. I still don’t. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t continue to be a mindless killing machine. I’ve got to find out what it’s like to be a normal person. I want to know how it feels to wake up in the same bed every day. To have a routine. I’m a woman with all the working parts of every other female walking this planet, but I’ve ignored that side of myself for years. I want something different. I want to find balance. I don’t know if I can, but I have to try.”
“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind?” he asked. “You’re not angling for a big raise?”
For the first time since finding Zach, she smiled. “It’s not my style.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” Winston picked up his pen and tapped it on the desk. “What will you do now?”
“Go home. Recover. Think.”
“You’re willing to walk away from everything you’ve trained for? You worked harder than any other operative, Jamie. This agency has meant a lot to you.”
“I know.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’ve thought about this on and off for a couple of years. I have to do whatever it takes to find my way back. I don’t want to end up chained in a foreign prison like Zach.”
“Zach lived.”
“You didn’t see him there, Winston. I did. That’s no life. It’s just surviving. What price did he pay for that?”
Winston glanced toward the window. Silence filled the room.
“That’s what it comes down to,” she said. “No one knows the price. And I’m not willing to pay it anymore.”
Chapter 5
Zach listened to the steady drip-drip of the IV and tried not to think about anything but getting well. Even though he knew it was going to hurt, he shifted uncomfortably on the hospital bed. He’d spent three days drifting in and out of consciousness. Three days of people hovering over him, giving him injections, examining him-three days of slipping back into a drug-aided sleep.
He knew it was three days because the nurse had told him when she’d brought his lunch. He was still on a “clear” diet, which meant broth, a flavored gelatin and tea. Although he longed for real food, just getting the broth down was hard enough. He was going to have to wait a couple of days for steak.
“You’re awake.”
He turned toward the sound of the voice and saw Winston walk into the room. As always, his boss was impeccably dressed, from his lightly starched oxford shirt down to his shined wing tips.
Winston grinned as he moved closer. “You look pretty bad, Jones. But at least you’re alive. We weren’t sure there for a while.” He patted Zach’s shoulder. “Welcome home.”
Zach raised the bed so he was sitting up. “Thanks. It’s good to be back. How’s it going?” he asked, and was surprised when his voice came out scratchy.
“That’s my question.” Winston pulled up the cloth straight-back chair in the corner of the private room, then settled next to Zach. “I spoke to your doctor. She said you’ll live.”
“Comforting thought. Did she also say how long I’d be stuck here?”
Winston shook his head. “You’ve been awake, what-” he glanced at his watch “-maybe an hour, and you’re already trying to get out of the hospital? Slow down, Zach. You’re fighting several bad infections, not to mention healing from some nasty bruises that might go down to the bones. You’re suffering from dehydration, exposure and a whole list of other things I can’t even pronounce. According to the good doctor, you’re going to be in here at least three weeks.”
Zach grunted. Figures. He hated hospitals. With the danger inherent in his line of work, he’d spent more time than he would like to think in them, too.
“She says your recovery time at home is going to be three to five months. You’re going to have to take it easy. I know you’re not very good at that, but you’re going to have to make an effort. I need my best agent back at a hundred percent. So don’t even think about cutting your recovery time short.”
“She’s overestimating the time,” Zach said. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fit and back before you know it.”
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do when you leave the hospital? Do you want me to look into private nurses?”
Zach grimaced. “No, thanks. I’ll be fine.”
The last thing he needed was a stranger hanging around, fussing over him. He had a lot of places he could go, although at the moment he could only think of one.
The cabin.
It was isolated. He could retreat to his cave and lick his wounds. With enough supplies, he wouldn’t even have to go to town. It made perfect sense. After all, no one even knew about the place. Except Jamie.
He closed his eyes and fought back a groan. But this one didn’t come from pain. It came from deep inside, from the place where the ghosts lived.
The cabin had once been his favorite retreat. He’d always looked forward to going back. Until seven years ago when he’d brought an innocent young woman there and she’d changed everything. Now he couldn’t spend more than a couple of days at the cabin without remembering her, them and the time they’d spent together. Then he started to want her, ache for her, until want and ache gradually turned to need. Then he had to leave.
Could he risk the cabin for several weeks? Did he have a choice? Maybe this time it would be easier to forget her. Hell, who was he trying to kid? He hadn’t been able to forget her in all this time. He wondered if he ever would.
He glanced over and saw Winston watching him. “It won’t take me five months,” Zach said at last. “Once I’m out of the hospital, we’re talking two at most.”
“But the doctor said-”
Zach cut him off. “I’ve been injured before, Winston. I know what to expect from my body. She’s used to civilians. I know how to train and I know how to rest. Trust me.”
Winston frowned, but didn’t disagree. “Tell me when you’re feeling up to an official debriefing. We have reports from all the men who survived, so your information can wait. I was thinking about a day or two before you’re released from the hospital.”
“Fine. I don’t have a whole lot to tell you. I spent most of my days unconscious.” He thought for a moment, remembering the pain of the last beating. He’d been ready to go then, willing his spirit to give up on his battered body. “How’d you get me out?”
“It wasn’t easy.” Winston leaned forward in his seat. Pale blue eyes brightened. “I sent in a team right away. Half of them couldn’t get close, and the other half didn’t make it back.”
Zach closed his eyes and swore under his breath. He didn’t need any more souls on his already heavy
