“Gotcha,” he murmured, and began scraping the leaves to one side.
Five minutes later, he pulled the battery out of the loose earth. She’d wrapped it in a trash bag. “You always did good work, Jamie. I’m glad to see that hasn’t changed.”
He rose to his feet and headed for the Bronco. Halfway there he paused, then slowly came to a stop.
Of course he wanted to leave. What else mattered? Yet even as the thoughts formed, another voice whispered that he really wasn’t ready to go. He should be but he wasn’t. They had unfinished business together. And if he drove away now, he knew he would never see her again. The thought was more than he could stand.
Without wanting to, and all the while calling himself ten different kinds of fool, he headed back into the woods and buried the battery. He didn’t bother concealing the hiding place.
As he stomped on the soft ground, his temper flared. What the hell was he thinking? Why was she tying him up in knots? Why was he letting her?
He stalked to the cabin, then angrily stepped inside.
Jamie’s bedroom door closed as he entered the living room. “You were gone a long time. Are you all right?” she called through the door.
He swore loudly. He was acting like a damn idiot, and it was all her fault. “Leave me alone. I’m fine. I don’t need you baby-sitting me.”
He slammed the front door. The loud crash made him feel both better and childish. All right, so it was wrong to yell at her. But if he started yelling at himself, the white-coat crew would be after him with a net.
He paced the living room, walking the length of the room twice, balled his fists and glared at Jamie’s door. He was ready for a fight. At least arguing with her would burn off some energy. The great thing about Jamie was that she could give back tenfold what she took. He could always count on her to not take any garbage from him.
“What are you doing in there?” he asked abruptly.
Something crashed to the floor, followed by an odd sound.
Had it been any other female but her, he would have thought it was a stifled sob.
“Nothing,” she said quickly, her voice muffled through the door. “I’ll be right out.”
He moved toward her room, temper forgotten. “Jamie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I said. Just go make coffee or something. I’m fine.”
An unfamiliar urgency welled up inside of him. “Jamie, what are you doing?”
“Leave me alone.”
Her words were thick with tears. He didn’t have to see her face to know; he could feel it in his gut.
Knowing she was going to have his head for this, he placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it quickly. Then he opened the door and stepped into the room.
His practiced gaze took in the closed window, the narrow bed, the shopping bags scattered on the blanket. The thunk he’d heard earlier had probably come from the small cosmetics bottle resting on the carpet by her bare feet. Once he’d cataloged the room and eliminated it as the source of her distress, he turned his attention to her.
She stood in front of the mirror on the wall. Her long hair was loosely pinned on top of her head, as it had been the day he’d accidentally caught her leaving her bath. His fingers itched to pull the pins free and watch the long strands tumble to her waist.
His gaze lowered and he frowned. Instead of a sweatshirt and jeans, she wore a frilly blouse. The pale peach fabric sucked the color from her face, leaving her looking drawn. The oversize, puffy sleeves dwarfed her slender frame. A full skirt hung loosely from her waist to about midcalf. She looked awkward, like a child playing dress- up.
She made a harsh sound in the back of her throat. He looked at her face in the mirror. Makeup stained her cheeks, smearing on her skin like a melting mask. Lipstick darkened her lips until they stood out like bruises against her pale skin.
“Go ahead and laugh,” she said, then turned away from her reflection. “Lord knows, I would if I were you. Pretty pitiful, don’t you think?”
“What are you doing?”
She sniffed. “Isn’t it obvious? Trying to wear makeup. ‘Trying’ being the operative word. Or maybe ‘trying and failing’ would be more descriptive. I look ridiculous.” She picked up a washcloth and brushed it across her mouth. The lipstick stained the white cloth like blood.
She was a sleek cat dressing like a china doll. He was about to tell her when the light from the window illuminated the side of her face and he saw the one thing he’d never imagined coming from her. A tear.
His chest tightened, and his heart squeezed painfully. He couldn’t bear to see her suffer. Not this woman. Never Jamie.
She was all things to him. Despite what he’d done to her, despite how he’d treated her, she’d survived. She was fearless and strong. For reasons he could never understand, she’d chosen to save his life. When he would have died, she’d stepped in to save him. She’d been at risk on the assignment, yet she’d come for him. He didn’t know why and he was afraid to ask her reasons. There was a part of him that didn’t want to hear the confession.
What she’d done for him only made watching her pain worse. Not because he owed her, although he’d incurred a debt he could never repay. But because he knew her strength and how deep a wound would run before she would give in to tears.
He took a step toward her. But she either didn’t see his approach or didn’t care. She spun, presenting him with her back, then sank gracefully to the floor.
“It’s all a mistake,” she said, picking up the makeup bottle. “I’m not sure who I was trying to kid. I can’t be like everyone else. I don’t have a clue about how to be a woman. Look at me.” She tugged at the gaping neckline of the blouse. “I can’t even dress myself. I don’t know what to buy.” She tossed the bottle on the bed. “I sure don’t know anything about makeup. I’m missing the female gene or something. Now, if some fashion types needed a sharpshooter-then I’d have it made.”
“Jamie-”
She shook her head. “You can’t teach me this one, Zach. I have to find it inside myself and I don’t know if I can. I’ve read articles about female bonding. Bonding! I don’t know how to bond. I’m not even sure what it is. I don’t have friends I call on the phone. I don’t go to lunch with anyone. I’ve never even dated. I can kill a man with my bare hands, but I don’t know how to buy a skirt and blouse that don’t look stupid on me.” Her voice cracked. She cleared her throat. “I thought I could find the answers. I thought I could retrain myself-like going backward in time. I just didn’t know my clock had stopped. I’ve failed, Zach. For the first time in years, I’ve failed.”
He was at her side in an instant. “You haven’t failed,” he said, crouching down beside her. His hands hovered over her shoulders. He wanted to touch her but didn’t know if he dared. He had no rights here. He’d thrown them away years ago.
“It’s sure not success,” she muttered.
Despite his misgivings, her pain spurred him to action. He couldn’t let her go on suffering like this. “It’s not about clothes,” he said. “It doesn’t matter what you wear, Jamie. You’re still a woman.”
“You’re not exactly the picture of mental health yourself,” she said, then sniffed. “Forgive me if I don’t get all enthused about your opinions on my femininity.”
He grabbed her arm and tugged. As he rose, he pulled her to her feet. “I may not be Joe Normal, but I am a man. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you’re female down to your soul.”
His dark eyes blazed with a light that should have blinded her. Instead, Jamie found herself wanting to move closer and bask in the glow. Worse, she wanted to believe him. When the temptation grew too strong, she forced herself to remember what she’d looked like when she’d glanced in the mirror. The shock had left her breathless.
She hadn’t expected to be instantly beautiful, although that would have been a nice fantasy. But she also hadn’t thought she would look so incredibly stupid. Who would have thought it would be so hard to look like a girl?
“You don’t have to be kind,” she said, and tried to move away.
But he didn’t let her go. He held on to her right arm, just above the wrist. His grip wasn’t enough to bruise, but she knew she wasn’t going to get away until he chose to let her go.
“I’m not being kind. I’m telling the truth. You’re a beautiful woman.”
Humiliation stung in her throat and behind her eyes. She blinked to hold back the tears. “Yeah, right.” She started to twist her arm, not caring if it hurt. She had to get away before she did something stupid, like cry.
“Dammit, Jamie, what can I say to convince you?”
