Jesse sighed. “Shouldn’t we start with more neutral conversation? I could ask about your day. You could ask about mine.”
“If you’d like. How was your day?”
“Busy. The brownies are selling well, which is exciting for me, but I think it’s pissing off Nicole.”
“You’re still having trouble with her?”
“Trouble isn’t the right word. She’s distant and, I don’t know, angry maybe. It’s like we’re strangers.”
“Give her time.”
“But I want it fixed now.”
He surprised her by smiling. “You were never big on patience.”
“I had more of it than you did.”
“Low blow.”
Now it was her turn to smile. “It was the only thing I beat you at.”
“Not true.”
“Oh, please. You were smarter. And successful.”
“You had a great sense of humor.”
“True.”
His eyes crinkled. “You’re prettier than me.”
She wasn’t sure she would agree, but she appreciated the compliment. “If you say so.”
“I do. You still wear your hair long. It looks great.”
She tried not to fidget. He’d always liked her long hair and because of that, she’d been unable to cut it. Which made her a fool, but there it was.
“Thanks,” she said. “How was
“Good. We’re getting ready to launch a new game so we’re pretty busy. There’s going to be a big party. I know I’m getting old because I found myself thinking it was going to be loud and way too long.”
“You’re not old. You’re barely thirty.”
“A couple of guys on the team are in college. Compared to them, I’m practically an old man.”
The server appeared. Matt ordered several dishes for them to share, along with beer. When they were alone, Jesse said, “Tell me what happened with Gabe.”
Matt grimaced. “What did my mother say?”
“That you don’t have a lot of experience with children and that you’ll do better next time.”
“I doubt she was that kind.”
He was right. Paula had ranted, but Jesse wasn’t going to kick him when he was obviously down. “It’s what she meant.”
Matt stared at her. “I don’t know him, Jess. I’m not going to be an ass about it. What happened is done. We’re here now. I’ve got a kid and I don’t know anything about him. How do I change that?”
She desperately wanted to believe that he’d accepted their situation and was dealing with it, but she wasn’t sure. He’d been so angry before. Still, he was Gabe’s father and she wanted the two of them to figure out a relationship.
“Gabe is very easygoing,” she began. “He likes everybody. He’s got a great sense of humor, which is fun to watch develop. He likes doing things outside. In Spokane, we go for long walks in the summer. There’s a trail along the river that he enjoys. We play in the snow in winter.”
“Has he been skiing?”
“A sport you enjoy?” she asked.
Matt nodded.
And he wouldn’t even think twice about how much it would cost. “No, but I’m sure he could learn. He’s pretty athletic. He’s about average size for his age and he’s always been healthy.” Given the fact that she’d barely been able to afford basic health insurance for him, she’d been really lucky.
“My mom said he knew his letters.”
“A requirement for most kindergarten classes these days, so he’s ahead of that,” Jesse said. “He can count to twenty and he’s just starting to recognize words.” She stared at him. “Matt, he wants you in his life. That’s not a question. He’ll be interested in whatever you’re interested in. You could show him how to play a game on a computer or talk about your work. He’d listen. As for getting involved in his life, just be interactive. He likes board games and playing with his toys. Or just go for a walk and talk about what you see.”
“You make it sound easy.”
She wanted to say it
“Okay. Thanks.”
Their beers arrived, along with a plate of dumplings. As she scooped two onto her plate, she said, “So I’m guessing none of the women you’ve dated have had children.”
“No.” He frowned. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“How could you not know?”
“I didn’t ask. I go out. I don’t get involved.”
“How can you not get involved with someone you’re seeing?”
“I don’t do relationships. After three or four dates, I move on. I’m not interested in anything long-term.”
A twinge of guilt flickered inside her chest. “Why not?”
“I don’t see the point. I like variety. In my position, I can have anyone I want. Settling down isn’t very interesting.”
That was new, she thought. The Matt she’d known wanted someone he could care about. “Doesn’t it get boring, going from woman to woman?”
He picked up his beer. “Never.”
“And none of them try to make you stay longer?”
He grinned. “They try.”
“So you don’t ever invest yourself emotionally. It’s just about having fun and getting laid.”
“Pretty much.”
She’d done that before she met Matt and knew how empty it could be. “Don’t you want more?”
“No.”
She hated hearing that. Hated thinking she might have done this to him. “You used to be a nice guy. What happened?”
“Nice is a lot less fun. Come on, Jess. You didn’t think I’d stay that ignorant kid forever, did you?”
“You were never ignorant.” Inexperienced, maybe. Lacking in confidence. “I hoped you’d stay honorable.”
“Have I violated some moral code? The women I see are very clear on my terms. I’m not exclusive and I don’t do relationships. If they don’t like that, they don’t have to accept the invitation.”
It sounded fair, but Matt’s dating philosophy left her with a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d come back to Seattle for a lot of reasons, the biggest being to help Gabe connect with his father. She’d also secretly hoped to find something still alive between herself and Matt.
While the passion lived on, she wasn’t sure about the man across from her. Was that really him? Knowing what she did about his past and how he’d loved her, she wanted to say no. But it had been a long time. People changed.
“I need to use the restroom,” she said and slid out of the booth.
She walked into the bathroom and pulled out her cell phone. Paula picked up on the first ring.
“Can you do me a favor?” Jesse asked quietly. “Can you call back in five minutes and tell me Gabe has a fever?”
Paula knew where she was and whom she was with. Jesse expected a lot of questions. Instead the other woman just sighed, then said she would.
Jesse returned to the table. Matt talked more about the new game his company was launching. As she listened, Jesse wondered how she could be so attracted to him and so sad at the same time. Who was he, really? Was he this new and not-improved version of himself or did the other Matt still exist? How was she supposed to find out?
