good ideas. He was very good at rewarding her, and telling her he loved her. He got this light in his eyes and what she called his special smile. Only he wasn’t smiling now.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he told her and started to close the door.
She threw herself against it and managed to squeeze inside. “We have to talk.”
“You may have to talk but I don’t have to listen.”
God, he sounded so cold, she thought grimly. As if he hated her. Was that possible? Had hate replaced love this quickly?
She couldn’t think about it because, if she did, she would fall apart. He was everything to her. She loved him. She who had vowed to never risk her heart had fallen for a geeky computer nerd with beautiful eyes and a smile that made her soul float.
“Matt, please,” she whispered. “Please. Just hear me out. I love you.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do you think your words mean anything to me? Do you think
She felt the tears on her cheeks and the slicing pain in her heart. “I love you, Matt.”
“Bullshit. I was some fun project. Did you get a kick out of screwing the socially inept genius? Did you laugh about me with your friends?”
“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”
“I don’t know shit about you. This was a game. You won, I lost, now get the hell away from me.”
“No. I won’t go until you listen. Until you understand.”
“Understand what? That while you were sleeping with me, pretending to care about me, you were screwing Drew? Who else, Jess? How many other guys? I’m not asking for a total number. I doubt you can count that high. But, say, in the past two months. Less than a hundred? Less than twenty? Just give me a ballpark idea.”
She cried harder, hating his words and the distance she saw in his eyes. “Stop. I’m not like that anymore.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“I didn’t sleep with Drew,” she screamed. “We used to talk. I could talk to him about stuff the way I could never talk to Nicole. That was it. Then that night he started kissing me and I freaked. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I’m not interested,” Matt told her. “There’s nothing you can say to make me care. Once a slut, always a slut. Everyone was right about you.”
He was using her past against her, she thought in disbelief. She’d trusted him with her secrets, her shameful moments and now he was judging her.
“Matt, stop,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. “Don’t do this. Don’t take us to a place where we can’t get back.”
“Why not? You think you matter to me anymore? Just get out. I never want to see you again.”
It hurt too much, she thought, using all her strength to keep from sinking to the floor. She had to tell him. He had the right to know the truth, no matter what.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
“So what?”
She stared at him. What? He couldn’t have understood her. “I told you. I didn’t sleep with Drew. I’m having your baby.”
“No, you’re not.” He spoke casually, as if he would never consider the possibility that the child might be his.
She grabbed his arm. “Matt, listen to me. This is
He looked at her for a long time, then pulled free of her grip and walked to the door. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care, Jess. You’re nothing to me but a regret. I don’t believe that baby is mine and even if it is, I don’t want a child with you. I don’t want anything with you. Ever. I want you to go away. I never want to see you again. No matter what.”
What scared her the most was how calmly he spoke. How easily he mouthed the words that ripped her soul apart.
She looked down, half expecting to see her body torn open and bleeding, but all the pain was on the inside.
“Matt, please,” she begged.
He pulled open the door and stared outside. “Just go.”
Walking took all her strength. Jesse barely made it down the stairs to her car. She crawled into the front seat and cried until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Until the emptiness threatened to swallow her. Until there was nothing left.
If he’d loved her, he would have believed her, she thought sadly, facing the truth for the first time. He hadn’t loved her. They had just been words. All her dreams had meant nothing. All his promises had been meaningless. He’d sworn her past didn’t matter, that no matter what, he would be there for her. And he’d lied, leaving her with an emptiness that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JESSE TRIED TO SHAKE OFF Matt’s obvious anger and hurt. The fact that Gabe had grown up with other people in his life had nothing to do with Matt being his father. Once Matt calmed down he would realize that having a great guy like Bill around had only been good for the boy.
While she could make a case for that, the guilt was harder to explain away, so she did her best to ignore it for the moment.
Paula came out of the kitchen. “I thought I heard you,” she said, then stopped when she saw Bill. “Oh. Hello.”
“Paula, this is Bill. He rescued me when I showed up in Spokane five years ago. He gave me a job, found me a place to live and was my friend as I tried to figure out how to be a mother to Gabe. Bill, this is Gabe’s grandmother, Paula.”
“Nice to meet you,” Bill said, a twinkle in his eye. “Are you sure you’re that boy’s grandmother? I could see his aunt.”
Jesse stared at her friend. Was he flirting? It sounded like flirting, but it was behavior she’d never seen before.
Paula laughed. “Don’t expect me to fall for that line, Bill. I’m past sixty.”
“You don’t look it.” Bill turned to Gabe. “And look at you. You’ve grown. I barely recognized you.”
Gabe giggled in delight. Bill picked him up and swung him in the air. Gabe squealed.
When Bill set Gabe down, he launched into an explanation of everything he’d done since arriving in Seattle.
“I met my daddy and he took me to see fish,” Gabe said, gazing at Bill happily. “And Grandma and me made cookies a bunch of times. We go to the park every morning and there are puppies sometimes.”
Bill crouched down so he was eye-level with the boy and listened attentively.
“I’m doin’ math,” Gabe continued. “Grandma’s teaching me and she says I’m good at math, just like my daddy.” He beamed with pride.
“I knew you were special,” Bill told him and held him close. “I’ve missed you, Gabe.”
Gabe hugged him back, squeezing hard. “I missed you, too.”
Gabe took Bill off to see his room. Paula and Jesse went into the kitchen.
“I wondered how you made it by yourself in Spokane,” Paula said as she started a pot of coffee. “Now I know. You had friends.”
“Bill was great,” Jesse admitted. “Father, boss and someone to talk to all in one. I was so lucky to find him.” She eyed Paula, who was a pretty woman with a giving heart. “You know, he’s a widower. Has been for a while
