MATT DIDN’T SLEEP THAT night. He kept tossing and turning, thinking about Gabe and Jesse and what was going to happen when Jesse was served with the papers. As he lay in the dark, he told himself he should be pleased. He’d won. His victory would be her broken heart and shattered life. She would pay for what she’d done to him.
He thought about how he and Gabe would hang out together. How his son would run to greet him when he got home from work. How they’d take trips on weekends and do guy stuff together. Maybe he’d get a boat and they could go out on the lake. But instead of his son’s smiling face, he saw Gabe in tears, crying for his mother. He saw a faceless nanny spending her days with the boy because he, Matt, was busy at work. He saw the pain in Jesse’s eyes.
He gave up pretending to sleep around four in the morning, got up and went into his study. There he researched schools online. Only the best for
“Does it matter?” he asked aloud. “The end result is the same.”
He didn’t want to be reasonable. He didn’t want to see her side of things. He wanted retribution and payback. He wanted her to know the loss he’d experienced.
But he didn’t want to hurt Gabe. And somewhere, deep inside, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hurt Jesse, either.
He swore loudly in the silence of his study. If he didn’t do this, how was he ever supposed to forgive her for what had happened? How was he supposed to get over what he’d lost? Wasn’t this the only way?
After a sleepless night, he got to his office shortly after six and cleared out his e-mail in-box. Diane arrived at eight.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked as she carried in a mug of coffee.
“No.”
“So you’re in a crappy mood.”
He glared at her without speaking.
“You sure have that body language thing down,” she murmured, standing her ground. “Talking about it will help.”
He narrowed his gaze.
She ignored his obvious annoyance. “What have you done?”
“What makes you think I’ve done anything?”
“You’re a man, you’re dealing with the sudden appearance of a child you didn’t know about. You’re not sure how you feel about Jesse. Men don’t deal well with emotion. When in doubt, you try to fix things. That’s usually a bad idea.”
He’d told her the basics of what had happened when Jesse had come back and Diane had met her once or twice. Still, he hadn’t been that specific with the details, so how had she figured it all out? Was it a woman thing or was Diane just better than most?
“I’m doing what has to be done,” he told her.
She sighed. “That doesn’t give me a lot of confidence. Matt, I’ve known you a long time. I’m going to presume on that and say something that goes beyond the confines of our boss-secretary relationship. I’m only going to say it once and I’ll never refer to it again.”
“You sure you want to do that?” he asked, confident he didn’t want to hear what she had to stay but unsure how to stop her without giving away too much.
“Yes, because I care about you. You’re basically a good guy, but you’ve been burned when it comes to love. You hold back, you don’t trust and you never put yourself out there. You can’t accept what you don’t offer. You can’t keep what you aren’t willing to give away.” She paused, her expression kind. “You still love her. Hurting her is only going to hurt you more. And you have a child to think about. How do you think Gabe is going to feel about the man who made his mother cry?”
She turned and left.
Matt stared after her, unnerved by how easily she’d read him. She couldn’t know the specifics, but she’d obviously guessed he’d set some kind of plan in motion.
He told himself her words didn’t matter and for the most part they didn’t. Except the part about Gabe. He’d come too far to lose his son again.
Yes, the boy would be upset for a while, but he’d get over it. Children dealt with moving from parent to parent all the time. They managed. Except he wanted more than for Gabe to manage. He wanted him to thrive.
“I have to do this,” he muttered as he turned back to his computer. But the graph on the screen no longer held his attention.
He stood and paced the length of his office, then sat back down and flipped through his phone book. He dialed.
“Hello?” The voice was calm, cool and very sultry.
“Jade, it’s Matt.”
“Matt? I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are things?”
“Good. I wondered if you were free for lunch.”
“I should be coy and say I have to check my schedule, but I happen to know I’m free. Buchanan’s at noon?”
“I’ll be there.”
When he hung up, he leaned back in his chair. Lunch with Jade would be good for him. She was a beautiful, brilliant attorney who enjoyed sex as long as there were no strings attached. She was the sexy centerfold version of a man. She hated emotion, played it straight and asked for what she wanted. In other words, she was perfect.
JADE WAS ALREADY AT the restaurant when Matt arrived. She was a slender, dark-haired beauty in a power suit and high heels.
“You look better than I remember,” she murmured as he kissed her cheek. “And that’s saying something.”
Her perfume was familiar, as was her quick smile. They’d been lovers a few months back, until work commitments had pulled them apart. He’d been meaning to call for a while but he’d never gotten around to it.
He put his hand on the small of her back as they were led to a booth and handed menus. He set his down and stared into her dark eyes.
“We should have done this a long time ago,” he said, wondering why he hadn’t made the effort.
“We’ve been busy.” She shrugged. “I haven’t been sitting around waiting for you.”
“No. You’ve been out raising hell.”
She laughed. “A little. Work has been keeping me busy.” She started talking about a twist of corporate law that had nearly doubled her billable hours.
Matt watched more than listened. He admired the play of light on her perfect skin, the way she moved her hands as she spoke. She was elegant and amusing, telling her story with just the right combination of confidence and humor. They would have been the perfect couple. Neither overly interested in romantic love, finding contentment in good sex and the occasional dinner.
Then he thought about his son, how Gabe looked when he smiled. He thought about the games and toys scattered around the house. How the kid was always sticky and happy and pure joy.
“Do you ever think about having kids?” he asked.
Jade’s eyes widened. “Dear God, no. Children? Why?”
“I like kids.”
“Since when?”
A woman with long, blond hair walked by. Thinking she looked a lot like Jesse, he turned, but it wasn’t her. Why would she be here in the middle of the day? She was at the bakery, making her brownies. He could see her there, flour on her nose, her blue eyes dancing with amusement.
“Matt?” Jade asked, her voice sharp.
What the hell was he doing? Not just here, having lunch, but with the lawsuit? He didn’t want to take Gabe away from his mother and he sure as hell didn’t want Jesse destroyed.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he stood. “I have to go.”
