Fresh tears filled her eyes. “How could you?” she breathed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
He stared in disbelief. She’d walked away from him?
He followed her to the closed door. “Kayleen, please come out here at once.”
“Go away. I have to figure this out and you’re not helping.”
He opened the door and stepped into the bathroom. “You will listen to me. I am here to make this better. I am here to fix your problem.”
She shook her head. “You can’t fix anything. I’ve lost everything I wanted.”
“You have lost nothing. You are not a woman to be locked away. You deserve more than that and I am going to give it to you. Think of being married, of having a family to fill your day, children of your own.” He paused to give her a chance to brace herself for the honor he would bestow upon her.
“Kayleen, I will marry you.”
He smiled at her, waiting for her tears to dry. Instead more fell. Perhaps she did not understand.
“You will be my wife. You will live here, with me. In the palace. I have taken your virginity, therefore I will return your honor to you by marrying you. You will carry my name.”
He waited, but she said nothing. She didn’t even look at him.
“All right. I see you are having trouble understanding all this. It is unlikely you ever allowed yourself to dream of such a life. In time you will be able to believe this has truly happened. Until then, you can thank me and accept. That is enough.”
She raised her gaze to stare at him. Something hot and bright burned in her eyes, but it wasn’t happiness or gratitude.
“Thank you?” she repeated, her voice high and shrill. “
He was so stunned that when she shoved him, he took a step back. The bathroom door slammed shut in his face and he heard the bolt shoot home.
Chapter Nine
“Take another drink of tea,” Lina said soothingly.
Kayleen wrinkled her nose. The brew was a nasty herbal concoction that tasted like wet carpet smelled, but her friend assured her it would help. At this point, Kayleen was open to any suggestions.
She finished the mug and set it on the table, then grabbed a cookie she didn’t want to get the taste out of her mouth.
“Better?” Lina asked.
Kayleen nodded because it was expected. In truth she didn’t feel better, she felt awful. She still couldn’t get herself to understand what had happened or how she’d so quickly and easily lost her moral compass. Yes, As’ad was handsome and charming and an amazing kisser, but she should have been stronger than that.
Lina sighed. “I can see by the look on your face that you’re still beating yourself up. You need to let it go. Men like my nephew have been tempting women since the beginning of time.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the information,” Kayleen murmured. “It’s just…”
“It doesn’t help,” Lina said kindly.
“Sort of. I feel so stupid and inexperienced.”
“At least you’re more experienced than you were.”
Despite everything, Kayleen smiled. “That’s true. I won’t fall for that again. Next time, I’ll resist.”
Assuming there was a next time. Her last meeting with As’ad had ended badly. He had to be furious.
“He was serious about marrying you,” Lina told her. “Don’t dismiss that.”
“I didn’t have a choice. He didn’t propose-he commanded, then he expected me to be grateful. I know he’s part of your family and you love him, but that wasn’t a proposal, Lina. He’s just so…”
“Imperious?”
“Among other things.”
And it hurt, Kayleen admitted to herself. That he would talk to her that way. If he’d come to her with compassion, truly understanding what she was going through, she would have been appreciative of what he offered. She might have been tempted to say yes. At least then her world would have been set right. But to act the way he did?
“I understand,” Lina said. “As’ad is like most princes-used to being impressive. He handled the situation badly and violated your romantic fantasy at the same time.”
Kayleen frowned. “I don’t have a romantic fantasy.”
“Don’t you?”
An interesting question. She’d never really thought about getting married and having a family, so she’d never really thought about a proposal. But if she had, it would have been different. Flowers and candlelight and a man promising to love her forever.
The image was clear enough to touch, she thought ruefully.
“Okay, maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t allow myself to believe it would ever happen, but deep down inside, I wanted more than instructions and an order to feel grateful.”
Lina winced. “That bad?”
“Oh, yeah. The only good news is I slammed the bathroom door in his face. I don’t think that happens to As’ad very much.” She touched her stomach, as if she could rub away the knot that had formed inside. If As’ad was angry enough, he could send her away and she might never see the girls again. “How mad is he?”
“He’s less angry and more confused. From his perspective, he did a wonderful thing.”
Kayleen resisted the need to roll her eyes. “I’ll write a thank-you note later.”
“His world is a different place,” Lina said quietly. “Like his brothers, he has been raised to know that he will be expected to serve his country, that his life, while privileged, comes with a price. Growing up it was difficult for him to know who truly wanted to be friends because they liked him, and who wanted to be friends with a prince. He made mistakes and slowly learned whom he could and could not trust.”
Kayleen could relate to the pain of not having real friends, of wanting to find a place that was safe.
“But he had his brothers.”
“Yes, and that helped. Still, as he got older, there were many girls, then women, willing to do anything to make him fall in love with them. Or at least sleep with them.”
Kayleen felt heat on her cheeks. “Like me.”
“Not like you at all. You didn’t throw yourself at him or pretend to be interested. You were caught up in circumstances. As’ad shares blame in what happened. I’m simply saying he has a different perspective. While his proposal was meant to be the right thing, he handled it badly. As’ad isn’t skilled in dealing with emotion. His father saw to that. He was taught that emotions make a man weak. He avoids them.”
Kayleen had heard that from him and still found it hard to believe anyone could think of love as a weakness. Love gave a person infinite power and strength.
“Is there any part of you that wants to marry As’ad?” Lina asked.
The question was unexpected. Kayleen considered her reply. “It seems the easy way out.”
“Which does not give me an answer.”
Did she want to marry As’ad? In truth, the idea wasn’t horrible. He was a nice man and the thought of spending every night in his bed was thrilling beyond words, which probably meant she was in even worse shape than she’d first thought.
But there was more to marriage than the physical, she thought. There was a lifetime of connection. Did she want to have children with As’ad? Be a true mother to the three girls? Live in El Deharia forever?
The swell of longing surprised her. The need to belong-to have roots and a home-swept over her until it was difficult to breathe. She’d been on the outside looking in all her life. To be inside now was more than she’d ever dreamed. But to marry without love?
“I’m tempted,” she admitted. “Marrying As’ad would give me so much. But I’m not in love with him.”
