Lexi looked him up and down. “I can’t even say I’m surprised,” she told him, then walked away.
He stood in the center of the dance floor, watching her go. Beside him, Sabrina gave him a poke in the back.
“If she matters at all, you’d better go after her. She’s not the type to forgive you kissing another woman. Tell her it was all me. Tell her you’re sorry. It’s true.” Sabrina sighed. “Cruz, I didn’t mean for her to get hurt. Now go on.”
Follow her. Apologize. Show weakness.
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
He left the room, going in the opposite direction.
“DO YOU WANT TO talk about it?” Dana asked.
Lexi would rather have walked through hot coals. Only her friend had come to pick her up at the party within ten minutes of getting the call and was entitled to an explanation.
“It’s Cruz.”
“Not a big surprise. What did he do?”
Lexi didn’t want to tell her. Not because she wasn’t going to talk about all of it but because speaking the words made the moment real. Right now she felt a cold, almost numbing kind of shock that made it tough to breathe, but kept the worst of the pain at bay.
“He was kissing someone else.”
Dana glanced at her. “I’m sorry.”
Tears burned hot in her eyes. “But you’re not surprised. It’s a deal, right? Nothing more than an arrangement. I got engaged for money. He didn’t leave cash on the nightstand, but that’s just semantics. He bought me, so what right do I have to complain?”
“Lexi, don’t beat yourself up. You’re hurt enough and I don’t want you kicking someone I care about when she’s down.”
Lexi leaned back in the truck seat and closed her eyes. “I’m the poster child for stupid,” she whispered. “Why did I think there was something between us? Why did I think I could hope? I knew who and what he was when we got involved. Everything was clear. He would give me the money I needed to pay back the loan and I would give him access to the Titan world. And me.”
“You did what you thought was right at the time.”
“Did I? Or did I take the easy way out?”
“Nothing about this is easy.”
Lexi agreed. She felt emotionally ripped apart. “All I ever wanted was for my dad to love me for me. Not because of what I’d done, but because of who I am. I knew my mother didn’t. She’d proved that when I was still a toddler and she walked away. But Jed was always there on the fringes, making me believe that someday, maybe, if the stars lined up and I was perfect, he would finally see me and realize he’d loved me all along.”
“He’s a bastard, Lexi. I know he’s your dad and you love him, but he’s a total bastard. I’ve studied the mentally disturbed. From a psychological perspective, using intermittent reinforcement is powerful. You see a hint of what you desperately want, of what you think you can get, so you keep trying.”
Lexi opened her eyes and tried to smile. “I’ll take your comment in the spirit in which you meant it, but it sounds like you’re referencing experiments with rats in a lab.”
Dana shifted uncomfortably. “I say it with love.”
“I know. Maybe I’m more like a lab rat than I want to admit. It’s just…” She wiped away tears. “Cruz is so like him. He walked away from Kendra. He buys what he wants, even people. I kept seeing the truth and wanting to avoid it, but why? It is what it is. He is who he is.”
Dana pulled up to the keypad by Cruz’s double gate. Lexi gave her the code. They drove to the front of the house and climbed out.
“You didn’t tell me you’d fallen in love with him,” Dana said as she followed her into the house.
Lexi didn’t bother to deny it. What was the point? “I only realized it recently. There was just enough there to make me fall.” She opened the front door and stepped inside. The beautiful house no longer seemed welcoming.
“I can’t win with either of them, can I?” she asked, determined to be rational when all she wanted to do was scream at the heavens and demand justice and fairness. “It’s not even about me.”
Dana hugged her. “I’m sorry.”
Lexi held on to her friend. “He didn’t care about kissing her. I could tell. He wasn’t into it. It was just habit or reflex. I don’t feel betrayed. It was like someone turned on a light and suddenly I could see everything going on.”
She straightened and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m in this for real and to him it’s just a game. I have to get out before I get more hurt.”
“I really want to beat the shit out of him,” Dana said, “But have you thought this through? Don’t you want to talk to him first?”
“And say what? ‘Jeez, Cruz, while I wasn’t paying attention, I fell in love with you?’ Talk about awkward. I don’t want his pity and I don’t want a deal. I want him to care about me because of who I am. It’s just like with my dad. I probably need therapy.”
“We all do,” Dana told her.
“I shouldn’t have to win his heart,” Lexi said, feeling herself start to crumble. “I shouldn’t have to earn it. Not from either of them.”
“Cruz isn’t Jed.”
“I know. I’m not that twisted. But he’s not interested in giving any part of himself and I’ve seen what that does to a woman. Jed drove my mother away and Pru killed herself.”
“You’re stronger than both of them.”
“I don’t feel very strong.”
“What do you want to do now and how can I help?”
“I’m leaving. I can’t stay here. I need time to think. I have to figure out what I’m going to do next.”
“About the bargain?”
“In part.” Right now paying back the two million was the least of her problems. She sighed. “I’m pregnant.”
She’d never seen Dana speechless before. Her friend went white. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Lexi shook her head. “I haven’t told him yet.”
“I guessed that part of it. Pregnant. When you want to make a statement, you don’t mess around.”
“I know.” Lexi walked to the stairs. “I need to pack a few things, then I’m going to take C.C. and go back to my condo.”
“I’ll help.”
They made quick work of filling her suitcases. While Lexi made sure she had everything she would need until she could get back for the rest of her things, Dana collected the cat and kitty supplies.
Lexi stood in the middle of the bedroom she’d shared with Cruz. She’d been here such a short time, yet there were so many memories. So many chances to get it right. Only Cruz wasn’t interested in getting it right. He wanted…
She realized she wasn’t sure what he wanted. A fantasy, maybe. The perfect connections. Wealth and privilege. But that wasn’t life. Life was messy and unexpected and exciting. It wasn’t about bloodlines, it was about heart. It was about giving and accepting, sharing and needing. It was about connection.
Maybe she was just as guilty of avoiding all those things as he was. She’d played it safe for years. She’d hidden behind the family name and her reputation for being an ice princess because she didn’t get hurt that way.
But now she had to worry about more than herself. She had a child to think about. Not a legacy or a new generation but a wonderful baby whom she would love no matter what.
As for Cruz, she would figure out a way to get over him. Yes, it was possible she’d spent the past ten years trying to decide how to get a second chance, but so what? She could conquer this. She had to. If he couldn’t give her what she wanted-love freely given, love that didn’t have to be earned-then she wasn’t interested.
Strong words that sounded really good. She planned to believe them, too. Just as soon as her heart stopped breaking.
