CHAPTER NINETEEN
JED FREQUENTLY SPENT his Saturday mornings with his horses. He said they were better company than most people he knew and they didn’t talk back. Lexi found him in the barn, curry brush in hand as he groomed his favorite stallion.
Jed looked like a typical Texas rancher. He wore jeans and a long-sleeved shirt instead of a suit, but managed to pull off the look of being in charge.
“Hey, Daddy,” she said, walking into the stall and stroking the horse’s nose.
“You’re up early.”
She hadn’t slept much. Thoughts of what had happened with Cruz, the realization that she’d made a huge mistake…again, had kept her tossing and turning. Trying to buy something that should have been earned. First the loan from Garth and then the solution with Cruz.
“I wanted to get a head start on my day,” she said. She rubbed the horse on the neck and spotted a few white hairs. “He’s getting older.”
“We all are, but he gets around. I’ll have to put him down eventually, but not today.”
Light streamed in from the open windows. A barn cat snoozed in the sun. Lexi had grown up in this place, had laughed and cried, planned her escape and been afraid to leave. Glory’s Gate would always be her home, but she no longer belonged here.
“Why did you marry my mother?” she asked.
Jed glanced at her, then returned his attention to the horse. “That was a long time ago.”
“I’m sure it had something to do with polishing the rough edges.”
He grinned. “You saying I’m not fit for polite society, little girl?”
“Sometimes you’re not.”
“That’s true.” He patted the horse’s flank. “Your mother wasn’t a beauty, but there was something about her. A cool reserve. I kept thinking if I could break down that wall, there’d be fire inside.”
“Was there?”
“No. But she was everything I wanted, so I married her. It was different with Pru. She was all fire. A beautiful woman. Every man wanted her and I won her.”
Won her and threw her away, Lexi thought sadly. Broken Pru-driven to suicide because the man she loved most wouldn’t love her back. Her death had taught Lexi to be wary-to not give so much of herself that she was in danger of getting lost. She’d vowed to be different. She promised herself that when she had a child, she wouldn’t ever leave it, no matter how much she was hurt.
“She wasn’t a strong woman,” Jed said. “I should have seen that.”
“She wanted more than she had.”
“Sometimes a person has to settle.”
Is that what his daughters were to him? Something to settle on? A compromise?
“About eighteen months ago my banker came to me with the offer of a loan,” Lexi said, bracing herself for the conversation. She knew what was at stake-what she was going to lose. But sometime in the night, when it was dark and the walls threatened to close in, she’d realized that some things came at too high a price.
“An investor?”
She nodded. “That’s when I bought the building I’m in and renovated. The investor claimed he only wanted a return on the money, not a piece of the business.”
Jed frowned. “Why?”
“I didn’t know at the time. I took the money and ran. There was only one catch.”
Jed put down the brush and crossed his arms over his chest. “There always is. You should know that, Lexi.”
“You’re right. But I wasn’t thinking. I thought I had a chance to show you what I could do. So I expanded quickly. While the new spa was successful, it wasn’t bringing in enough money for me to pay back the loan.”
“What’s the catch?”
“The loan was callable.”
“How much?”
“Two million dollars.”
Jed turned back to the horse. “He called the note. You should have been more careful.”
“You’re the one always saying that being careful means finishing last.”
“I play to win. Did you?”
She thought she had. She thought she was going to dazzle Jed with her success. “He called the note. My investor. Garth.”
The brush stopped moving for a second, then resumed. “Part of his so-called plan to destroy us?”
“It was the opening shot. There have been more.”
“You’re saying Garth set you up?”
“I’m saying he dangled the bait and I took it.”
“You need two million dollars.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“I thought you were smarter than this, Lexi. I’m very disappointed.”
“I know.” She’d thought the words would rip her apart, but they weren’t even a surprise. “I understand this means I’m out of the running for Titan World.” She paused to let the feelings wash over her. The biggest was sadness, but not for the reasons she would have thought.
“And if I’m not, I want to be,” she said, half surprised at how right the words felt.
“That’s bullshit. Everybody wants what I have.”
“You’re wrong, Daddy. What I wanted and still want is a father who sees me for myself. Who cares about me because we’re family. Not because I’ve managed to earn his attention.”
Jed glared at her. “Are you questioning the way I raised you? Are you complaining?”
She raised her chin. “I’m saying that Titan World was never the goal. At least not for me. I wanted you to see me. To care about me.”
“All that emotional crap makes me tired.”
She felt a little of Pru’s despair, but fought it.
“You could have gone to Skye for the money,” Jed said. “She would have given it to you. You could have kept this from me.”
She’d already tried that once and it hadn’t worked. Besides, keeping it a secret wasn’t her goal anymore.
“This way is better.”
“Fine. I’ll have the check for you by noon. Use it well.”
“I will.”
Jed sighed. “I thought it was going to be you, Lexi. I thought you were going to convince me.”
“So did I.”
It was just like last night, she thought. Nothing about this conversation surprised her, but it was like being able to see for the first time. Her relationship with her father seemed more clear, in all its twisted ugliness. The sharp edges could have cut her, but she knew to pull back. To protect herself. To walk away.
Jed wouldn’t change and neither would she. They were at a crossroads. The difference was, she saw it and he didn’t. He would always be her father, but the fantasy of what could have been had faded.
He would only want what she could do for him and she would only ever want a father who loved her unconditionally. They were both destined to be disappointed.
“Goodbye, Daddy,” she said and left the barn.
When she was outside in the sunny morning, she paused to draw in a breath. The house loomed in front of her. Just a house, she told herself. Not home. Not anymore.
CRUZ ARRIVED BACK at his place in the late afternoon. He’d stayed away to give Lexi time to calm down and to give himself time to figure out what the hell he was going to say to her.
