Dark Winter

and an envelope. The only thing missing was the Old Navy T-shirt she always slept in. I looked under the bed again: I didn’t know why, I could already see there was nothing and nobody there.

My stomach was jumping all over the place, my throat so dry it ached. I sank on to the carpet, dropping my head into my hands. This had to be connected with the job. Shit, it could even be the Yes Man – maybe I’d asked one question too many last night and Sundance and Trainers had been sent to tidy things up.

I had to shout at myself to cut away. ‘Stop! For fuck’s sake, stop!’ Flapping wasn’t going to help me – or her.

I had to secure this place. Nobody must know what had happened here – not yet, anyway.

Did they have milk delivered? I wasn’t sure. Fuck, I should know these things.

I got up, feeling a little better now I was doing something. I didn’t know what, but that didn’t matter. I opened the front door. No milk on the doorstep. I went back in and checked the fridge, found a litre plastic bottle from Safeway.

What about post? The top half of the door was frosted glass, so no one was going to see letters stacking up on the carpet, and I knew they didn’t have a paper delivered. Jimmy walked to buy one, taking his time, for some peace and quiet.

If not the Yes Man, then who?

Who was I kidding? My head was flooded with names and reasons why.

I stopped, gathered my thoughts. Let’s not worry about why, just concentrate on the here and now. First, I’d take her bags and remake the bed, so if this place was discovered at least it was going to be a while before the police worked out who was missing. I didn’t want them screaming around trying to do their bit to find an abducted child just yet. It might put her in greater danger.

The smell from Jimmy and Carmen’s bedroom was creeping into the corridor as I headed back into Kelly’s. Sitting on the light blue carpet, surrounded by flowery wallpaper, I picked up the stuff I’d tipped out of her bag and started to repack it. I opened the passport and was unable to resist looking at her picture. She never allowed me to see it. She was two years younger then, and her blonde hair was a bit longer. I felt myself smile: she’d had a zit on her chin, and had tried to cover it up all morning before I’d finally dragged her kicking and screaming into the photo booth.

I flipped it closed, slipped it into my back pocket and shoved the ticket into the bag, just as a neighbour came out from next door. I could see him clearly through the net curtains, trying to manhandle a black plastic refuse bag down the path. He dumped it into a wheelie-bin, then disappeared back inside.

As I moved the purple envelope out of the way to pick up her purse, I saw it was addressed to me. I sat against the wall and opened it. Dear Nick , By the time you read this, I’ll be back at Josh’s That’s if I remember to put this out with your other letters before I leave!! I’m sorry we argued on Saturday. It’s just that I really miss you when you go away.Remember you asked me what I think, and then your phone went and I didn’t get to answer? Well, here’s what I think. Here’s the deal. When I get back home, I’m really going to get myself together, I’m going to get help, I’m going to go to school, and I’m going to work things out.

My eyes were stinging badly. I must have been more tired than I’d thought. I know I always go on at you for being at work all the time and now I feel really bad because Josh told me why. I didn’t know that you gave him money all the time and that seeing Dr Hughes and the school costs so much. I didn’t realize that’s the reason you have to work all the time. So that’s why I’m going to sort myself out. I figure you won’t have to work so hard to pay for me, so therefore I get to see a lot more of you. OK, deal? See you when you finish work. Love, Kelly. PS This letter was the stuff I was doing when you called.

Tears had begun to fall down my cheeks. I panicked. I didn’t know exactly what part of this nightmare I was panicking about, but I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t control it. The pain in the centre of my chest came back, and a heavy thudding soon joined it as I read the letter over and over again.

I forced myself up, I had to get moving. I wasn’t yet sure what, but there were things I had to do.

I folded the letter and put it into my back pocket with her passport and went into the kitchen for my two envelopes. Shoving them down my sweatshirt, I headed back to the bedroom for her kit and mine.

49

Heading north fast, I stopped the Vectra at a public call-box and made a frantic but hopefully calm-sounding call to Hughes’s office, bluffing it by asking if Kelly had called to say goodbye. Maybe she’d managed to escape and made her way to the clinic, or even left a message.

They hadn’t heard a thing.

I knew the Yes Man’s contact number would now be non-existent but tried it anyway. I was right. I thought about calling George, but what good would that do? He would have been part of anything the Yes Man was up to, for sure. I had to get back to where I belonged, the flat, and wait out as I’d been ordered. It wouldn’t be long before the Yes Man contacted me and gave me another little job that I couldn’t refuse.

I parked in Warwick Square, trying to think of a way to get hold of the Yes Man. I couldn’t wait. I needed to know one way or the other. Then it came to me. I’d hit the panic button: that would get the QRF screaming round, with the Yes Man not far behind.

A young couple walked past, Habitat bags overflowing with bamboo plants. I crossed the road, pulled the key from my leather bomber, and was running up the steps when I heard a clipped Asian voice spark up behind me. ‘Hello? Hello?’

I turned. Grey had materialized from nowhere, same clothes on, smiling at me as if I was a lost child. ‘Do not be alarmed.’ He raised his hand. ‘Your daughter – go to the coffee shop, go now. Go, go.’

He was almost apologetic, making it sound as if I would be doing him a favour. All I wanted to do was grab his neck and twist it right there to find out more, but that wouldn’t help her. ‘You talking about Starbucks in Farringdon?’

‘Yes, go there now.’

I had to remain calm. ‘You know where she is?’

‘He will help you, go there now.’ With that he turned and walked away.

I ran to the car.

Why would the source know where Kelly was? Why would he even know she existed? Was the source fronting for the Yes Man? But at least something was happening. This is good, I kept trying to persuade myself. This is good.

Abandoning the Vectra a block away, I ran to Starbucks, stopped, walked in, got myself a brew, and sat facing the front windows, wanting to be seen.

Ten minutes went by and I needed a piss, but I couldn’t leave my seat. I couldn’t risk missing him.

I pulled the letter out again and started to read it. That was a mistake. It went back next to her passport, and I concentrated on sipping the brew. Under the table, my heels started to bounce. I couldn’t control my legs – it was as if they wanted to be on the move, they wanted to be doing something. I needed him to fucking well turn up, and right now.

Another couple of minutes and Grey walked past, right to left, eyes scanning the inside of the coffee shop.

Two girls, juggling their coffees and cells in one hand and recent purchases in the other, came and sat at the table opposite. Then there he was. He walked past the coffee shop, right to left, and disappeared. I knew he’d seen me, I knew I had to stay where I was. He’d just be confirming with Grey that I hadn’t turned up with a big bunch of mates. As if. I didn’t have any.

Less than a minute later I heard the door open from the courtyard. I didn’t turn round.

A hand fell gently on my left shoulder. ‘Hello.’

I turned back and saw Grey now covering the rear of the shop from the courtyard. Where was Navy? Was he with Kelly?

The source continued walking past me to the counter and placed an order. We got eye to eye again as the