scratch.' Shading her eyes with her hands, she rubs the top of her forehead in slow, tense circles. 'I left the money in an Amtrak locker in Union Station.'
'I thought you didn't have any--'
'Sold my car, went delinquent on my loans, and maxed out the cash advances on every credit card I could find. Better to have bad credit than no career.'
She says something else, but I'm not listening. A swell of rage crashes against the base of my skull. Even my toes clench for this one.
'What?' she asks, reading the anger on my face.
'You knew,' I growl. 'You knew the whole time she was the blackmailer!'
'That's not--'
'You sent me right to her! When I came in that first day, I asked you if Caroline could be trusted. You said yes! What the hell were you thinking?'
'Michael, calm down.'
'Why? So you can talk through your teeth some more? Or serve me back up to Inez? You lied to me, Pam! You lied about the phone, you lied about the file, and you lied about Caroline! Think about it for once--if I hadn't gone to see her that day, none of this--' Once again, I cut myself off and take a careful look at Pam. Cocking my head, I watch the prism shift. She knows what's running through my brain.
'Hold on a second,' she interrupts. 'You don't think I . . . ?'
'You telling me I'm wrong?'
'Michael, are you nuts? I didn't kill her!'
'You said it, not me.'
'I'd never hurt her! Never!' she insists. 'I swear--I thought she was my friend!'
'Really? So do all your friends blackmail you for large sums of cash? Because if that's the case, I could use a few extra grand. Small bills, of course.'
'You're an asshole.'
'Call me whatever you want--at least I'm not squeezing you for hush money. I mean, if that's a friend, I'd hate to see your enemies.'
'I didn't have any enemies. Not until now.'
'What about--'
'Don't you get it, Michael? Have you even been listening? All I got was a note and a location. I never knew who it was.'
'But you knew Caroline had access to the files.'
'That didn't matter--she's my--' She stops. 'She was like family.'
It takes me a second to process the information. 'So you never suspected her?'
'I suspected you before I suspected her.'
I'm not sure how to deal with that one.
'Besides,' Pam continues, 'you don't need FBI files to find out Inez and I went to school together. I figured someone else put two and two together, then did the research on their own.'
'Well, didn't you think it was odd when Caroline showed up dead with thirty grand in her safe and all our files on her desk? I mean, if you're looking for a blackmailer . . .'
'I swear to you, that's the first I ever thought of it. It wasn't until that moment that I even raised an eyebrow.'
'Raised an eyebrow? It's a damn DNA print--all she's missing is blood on her fingertips and a forehead tattoo that says 'Will Victimize for Cash'!'
'Don't make a joke of this!'
'Then stop acting stupid! Once Caroline was killed, you knew she was the blackmailer. I've been chasing my tail all this time, and you never gave me a clue! Not once!'
'You already knew, Michael.'
'I didn't--'
'You did!' she shouts with newfound rage. 'You said it that night we had Thai food. You wondered whether Simon was being blackmailed.'
'And you could've told me the answer. Yes! He probably was! Just like me! Instead, you left me to rot!'
'How dare you say that? I've been by your side since the moment this thing started!'
'Then why didn't you tell me about what happened with Inez?'
'Because I didn't want you to know!' she yells, her voice booming through the office. 'There! Is that what you want? I was mortified when it happened--sick to my stomach. Then, as if the act alone weren't bad enough, Caroline took my worst moment and humiliated me with it. You of all people should understand--dirty laundry's better kept in the closet.'
'It still doesn't--'
'That's the only thing I hid from you, Michael. My own personal black eye. Everything else, I told the truth. And if you didn't guess blackmail on your own, I would've pushed you there myself.'
'You still sicced Inez on me.'
'You don't believe that for a second.'
She's right. I was bluffing to see her reaction. Near as I can tell, she passes. 'So you've never spoken to Inez about this?'
'She called me the day after it happened. I told her even less than I told the FBI. Trust me, if I wanted to screw you over, I would've done the easiest thing of all.'
'And what's that?'
She looks me dead in the eye. 'I would've told them about you. And the money. And Nora. I could've made at least twenty grand on that one.' There it is. Guerrilla honesty. If it weren't so disconcerting, I'd probably laugh.
'So you never knew it was Caroline demanding the money?' I ask again.
'I don't think anyone did. Walk through it--why else would Simon drop that money in the woods? If he knew it was Caroline, he could've paid her face-to-face.'
It's not a bad theory. 'Maybe that's why he killed her. When he went to tell her his bullshit side of the story, she made some snide comment and he realized she was Miss Moneypenny.'
'But to kill her for that? No offense, but, so what? She knows he's gay. Who cares?'
'Certainly not Simon. If he did, he never would've shown up undisguised at a gay bar. Which is why I think it's more than just the gay part--don't forget, Simon's got a wife and three kids. Whatever you think, that's still a life- wrecker.'
We both sit in silence, nodding in agreement. Eventually, Pam says, 'I still think Caroline knew something about Nora.'
'I don't want to talk about it.'
She pauses a second. 'And if she weren't dead, I bet she would've blackmailed you. That's why she had your file.'
'We'll never know,' I say, glad to change the subject. 'That's her secret.'
'Speaking of secrets, what about mine?' Pam asks, leaping at her own segue. 'You plan on turning me in?'
'You're the new Queen of Ethics. You plan on ratting out my dad?'
We look at each other for a long moment and then dip our heads in an awkwardly relieved bow.
'Can I ask you one last question,' I add as she turns to leave. 'What ever happened with Vaughn's FBI file? You said you were going to get it for us.'
'I thought you got it from Lamb.'
'I did. I just want to know why I didn't get it from you.'
Just like that, her smile's gone. Her eyebrows tighten and her mouth sags open in pain. No, not pain. Sadness. Disappointment. 'You still think I . . . After all we just . . .' Her voice once again trails off.
'What? What'd I say?'
She's done giving me answers. Rushing toward the main door of the office, she covers her mouth with her hand and fights back tears. 'I tried my best, Michael.'
