and the garden was very neglected, because the Muslim had been away for two years when I moved in. But the layout is peculiar. All the old houses in Loxton are built with the kitchen and bathroom side by side at the back. When you want a bath you have to walk from the bedroom down the passage and through the kitchen. They didn’t build showers at all. I don’t know why, water is so scarce in the Karoo. The old folk only built baths.
‘At the moment I’m breaking down the wall between the bathroom and the kitchen. I’ve converted one of the smaller bedrooms into a bathroom. It was quite a job 1 had to move all the pipes and plumbing. It took me about a year between working jobs for Jeanette. I think the new bathroom looks good now. I’ve got ceramic tiles on the floor and a big shower and basin and a toilet behind a little wall that I built.
‘In? … I learned bricklaying previously. Perhaps I should tell …
‘Maybe later. Anyway, I rebuilt the wall three times before it was right.
‘When the new bathroom was ready, I started on the wall between the kitchen and the bathroom. I want to make one big room including the small bedroom beside the kitchen. A kind of big living space for eating and cooking and entertaining. Not that I can actually cook … Or do much entertaining. But in Loxton the people are different. They knock on your door and say, “We’ve come for coffee.” And then you chat.
‘There’s an old Aga stove in the kitchen. It’s lovely and warm in winter. When I have finished taking down the walls, it will be one big room with the stove in the centre.
‘There’s a coloured woman who is teaching me to cook. Her name is Agatha. She says the stove is in her name. She comes twice a week to clean and wash and iron clothes and then she shows me what to do with a leg of lamb or ribs in the oven. The meat that comes out of that Aga melts in your mouth and the delicious aroma fills the whole house. Sometimes she brings her grandson along. He’s three. His name is Ryno. She says he’s named after a character in
‘I must be boring you a lot.
‘When I worked for the government there was never time for TV. I have a satellite dish now. It was just for the rugby to start with. But you know how poor the rugby was …
‘Life is very boring in Loxton. But that’s what I want. That’s why I moved there. But that’s another story.
‘In any case, the old sitting room at the front is my bedroom now, with the new bathroom alongside. The house has a veranda facing the street. There are no houses across the street. Just the commonage. Karoo veld. Koppies. The commonage is ten thousand hectares. Can you believe that? Some people keep sheep on the commonage. Oom Joe van Wyk said I should get myself some sheep. He said I mustn’t worry about the slaughtering, there is a butcher in town again for the first time in seven years. And a restaurant and a coffee shop … the Rooi Granaat. You should taste the fig liqueur that Tannie Nita makes, Emma, it’s better than any wine.
‘I’ve got the garden going too. There is still irrigation by water furrow in Loxton. My turn is on Tuesdays at three o’clock. When I’m not there Agatha or Antjie Barnard leads the water from the water furrows. There’s an old pear tree in the garden. I pruned it back and it bears well. I planted a saltbush hedge all around the boundary fence, and three peach trees and an apricot. Agatha said I should plant a fig tree, because it’s best suited to the Karoo and she could make jam. I planted four close to the kitchen. The rest is lawn and a few flower beds.
‘I enjoy the gardening.’
I looked at my watch. A quarter to eight in the morning.
The whole day.
I looked at her hand. The shape of the slender wrist and fingers.
‘Emma, I don’t know what else to tell you.’
Outside, behind the glass, a nurse walked past.
‘I want to start a herb garden too. And a vegetable garden. The soil is good. Oom Wessel van der Walt has a vegetable garden on both his plots and the plots in Loxton are big, seldom smaller than a thousand square metres. Oom Wessel bought two plots long ago. When he retired he built on one. A lot of people in town are retired, but more and more of them are from Cape Town or Johannesburg. To get away. From whatever. They came and opened guest houses and a restaurant. There’s a couple who do freelance writing for magazines and a guy who designs websites. And a few holiday houses.’
The door opened. A nurse came in, a young black woman. She smiled at me.
‘Good morning,’ she said, and came over to Emma.
‘Good morning,’ I said.
She took readings and noted them on a chart.
‘Just carry on,’ she said. ‘I’ll be finished soon.’
‘Do you think she understands what I say?’
‘No.’
‘Do you think she will remember anything?’
‘No.’ Then mischievously, she said: ‘So if you want to say anything important, you will have to wait until she wakes up.’
I wondered what Dr Koos had been telling the staff.
‘Can I go out to get a magazine? To read to her.’
‘You can, but do you know which one to buy?’
‘No, I’ll just get a woman’s magazine.’
‘But which one?’
‘An Afrikaans one.’
‘Which Afrikaans one?’
‘Does it matter?’
She looked at me sternly. ‘Of course it matters.’
‘Why?’
‘Shame,’ she said. ‘You’re not good with women, are you?’
24
‘If I tell you why I went to live in Loxton, I will have to tell you the whole story. Right from the beginning.’
When she wakes up and Phatudi talks to her she will find out who I really am anyway.
She doesn’t understand and she won’t remember either.
Tell her.
‘Emma, I was in jail.’
She just lay there.
‘I was in jail for four years.’
I leaned back in the chair and shut my eyes.
‘When I came out, I didn’t want to stay in the city. The city has turned into a place that brings out the worst in us. I’m not making excuses. I had choices and I made the wrong ones. But you have to know your weaknesses and you have to protect yourself from them. I went looking for a place that could protect me. I just drove. I took the back roads, from the Cape to Ceres. Then to Sutherland and Merweville and Fraserburg and Loxton.
‘Did you know there are mountain passes in the Karoo? Did you know there are places where you can stop and get out and see for a hundred kilometres? There are gravel roads that run through rivers that have water in them all year round. In the Karoo.
‘I didn’t know that.
‘In Loxton I was filling up at the Co-op and Oom Joe van Wyk came and talked to me. The pumps at the Co- op are at the back; you have to drive through the gates. I got out to stretch my legs and he approached me. Put out his hand and said he was Joe van Wyk and asked me how many kilos the Isuzu had, because he farmed only with Isuzus and his last one had lasted seven years and four hundred thousand kilometres. Now the children were farming and he and his wife lived in town and he still drove an Isuzu, but a Frontier, because there had to be room for the grandchildren. So who was I and where did I come from?
‘That’s how it should be. The other day you talked about people not hearing each other. I wanted to say I was different, I wanted to say I don’t want to be heard, I want to be left alone. I think hell is other people. The
