Empress Orchid

“We wish Your Majesty an excellent night!”

The footsteps in the courtyard receded.

I was not sure whether Emperor Hsien Feng knew that I was in his bed. I certainly didn’t want to surprise him. Should I make some noise to let him know that he was not alone?

His Majesty kicked off his boots and tossed aside his belt with its pendant beads and charms. He was in a white shirt. His black braid coiled around his neck like a snake. Without changing into his night-gown, he slid into bed and leaned against a pillow.

He turned his head and our eyes met.

There was not the slightest hint of surprise in him. Having a girl in his bed was like having an extra comforter. I saw no flicker of interest in his large slanted eyes. He was as handsome as I now began to remember him from our first encounter-a shaved chin, a straight Manchu nose and a boat-shaped mouth with firm lips. I had never seen a man with such perfect features and delicate skin.

We continued to stare at each other and I could feel my blood pumping in my veins.

“May His Majesty live for many many years and may your descen-dants be counted in the hundreds.” I recited what I had been instructed to say.

“Another parrot!” He turned away and rubbed his face with both of his hands. “Parrots all trained by the same eunuch… You all bore me to death.”

“Your Majesty…”

“Don’t dare get near me!”

What should I do? My chance had been ruined before I could begin. My tears welled up. I was afraid to move.

The man lying next to me was absorbed by his own thoughts, and I could sense nothing but tremendous pain and anger in him.

I decided to quit thinking about attracting him. What could a single move of a chess piece do if the game had already been lost? For the past nine days I had stayed up every night practicing the fan dance. I had also taken lessons from An-te-hai on playing the qin. I had managed to learn enough to accompany myself in a few songs. My voice was not that of a nightingale, but it was naturally pleasant and sweet. I never lacked confidence in my voice. If my parents had allowed, I would have pursued a life in opera. When I was about ten, a singer who performed in my house told me that I had potential if I was willing to work hard.

What would I tell my father? How often had he said, “In order to get cubs, one must be daring and enter the tiger’s cave”? I was inside the cave but there were no cubs. I remembered another story he had told me. It was about a family of monkeys who tried to catch the moon’s reflection in the water. The monkeys gathered in a large tree and turned themselves into a long chain reaching from the tree to the water. The lowest monkey tried to scoop up the moon with a basket. It was an ingenious plan, but Father’s point was that certain things are simply impossible, and there is wisdom in accepting one’s limitations.

Was anything up to me at this moment? The silk pillow felt soft and cool against my cheek. I could no longer drag my thoughts along this path. I heard an aria inside my head: Like a river rock that rolls uphill, like a rooster that grows a set of teeth …

A touch on my shoulder woke me.

“How dare you fall asleep while His Majesty is awake!”

I sat up. I couldn’t quite tell where I was.

“Where have you been?” the man in front of me mocked. “Soochow or Hangchow?”

I was shocked. “Pardon me, Your Majesty, for I haven’t been myself. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was tired and I fell asleep carelessly.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

I pinched my thigh, trying to get my mind to work.

“How can you possibly be tired?” Emperor Hsien Feng sneered. “What have you been doing besides embroidery?”

I remained silent, but my mind’s wheel rolled.

“Answer my question.” His Majesty got up from the bed and began to pace with his shirt open in the front. “If you have been doing embroidery, tell me about it. I need distraction.”

I sensed that His Majesty was uninterested in hearing me talk about embroidery or anything else. I would be looking for trouble no matter what I said. The man was a smoking hut. I wanted to tell him that I had expected our coupling, not conversation.

His Majesty looked at me.

Realizing that I was naked, I reached toward the stool to grab my gown.

He kicked the stool and my gown fell to the floor. “Wouldn’t you like to be out of your costume for a while?”

I looked at him, amazed by his words. His voice reminded me of certain village boys I had known, boys in their late teens who still sounded like young roosters.

“I would.” The Son of Heaven answered his own question. “I might even be happy for a moment.”

I was overwhelmed by curiosity and decided to take a risk. “Your Majesty, may I have your permission to ask a question?”

“Yes, you may ask for anything except my seeds.”

I understood what he meant and felt insulted. I lost interest in speaking further.

“Go ahead, slave, I have given you my permission.”

My voice left me. Despair flooded my heart’s bank. I thought about what I had done to gain this one chance. I could hear the clock ticking and Chief Shim’s voice: “Your time is up, Lady Yehonala!”

I tried to convince myself to make peace with the loss, but my spirit wouldn’t obey. Every nerve in my body rebelled against my will to perform what I was taught.

“I’ll send for someone to replace you.” His Majesty leaned over. He smelled of orange peel. “I am in the mood to be pleased.” His breath touched my cheek and he seemed to enjoy the threat. “I want a parrot. Coo-coo! Coo- coo! Sing or sink. Coo-coo!”

Hopelessness came to wrap me and I still could find no words.

“Chief Eunuch Shim is waiting right behind the door,” His Majesty continued. “I shall call him to take you away.” He made a move toward the door.

I allowed my nature to take over. Despair had aroused my desire to fight, and suddenly my fear cleared. In my mind’s eye I saw a suicide rope hanging down from the Imperial palace beam, dancing like the sleeves of the moon goddess. The joy of taking control was unexpected but real. I got off the bed and slipped into my gown. “Have an excellent night, Your Majesty,” I said, and then I lunged toward the door.

I would have regretted it if I had been older or more experienced, but I was young and my blood was a hot spring. The situation had maddened me. Understanding that I would be beheaded for my behavior, I wanted to perform the final act my way.

“Halt!” Emperor Hsien Feng called from behind. “You have just offended the Son of Heaven.”

I turned around and saw a grin on his face.

“If you are to order my punishment,” I said, standing straight and tall, “my only wish is that you have the mercy to make it quick.”

As I spoke, I tightened the laces on my gown. What more could I achieve? Since moving to the Forbidden City I had ceased being an ordinary person. What would Big Sister Fann’s reaction be when she learned that I had addressed the Son of Heaven as one equal spirit to another? I smiled just thinking about Big Sister Fann’s face. She would spread the story of the “legendary Orchid” until her lips grew blisters.

Almost with elation I told His Majesty that I was ready for the eunuchs to remove me.

Hsien Feng made no move. He seemed surprised at the situation. But what he felt no longer mattered to me. All my waiting for tomorrow’s luck was over. My soul was set free.

“You interest me,” the Emperor said, and a smile traveled across the sealed lips.

This seemed to be the Imperial style of torture.

“Tell me that you feel remorse for what you have done.” He walked up to me until his face was inches away. There was a gentleness in his gaze. “It is too late even if there is regret. Begging is of no use. I am in no mood to grant mercy. Not one ounce. I have no more mercy to give.”