Empress Orchid

weeks had passed since we had last seen each other, and it seemed that her beauty had grown even more striking. She was dressed in a golden robe embroidered with phoenixes. She wore heavy makeup. A drop of red was painted on her lower lip. Her large double-lidded eyes seemed brighter than usual. I couldn’t tell whether it was from the moisture of her tears or an effect of her dark eyeliner.

“I don’t appreciate the fact that you made me do this,” she said. Without offering me permission to rise, she continued. “Anyone knows I am not made to bear a moment like this. Yet it is the irony of life. As the one who is responsible for the household, I am given no choice. My duty calls me to dispense justice. The rule has been made clear to everybody in the Forbidden City: no one has the right to mistreat a maid, not to mention take her life.”

Suddenly she lowered her chin. She bit her lip and began to weep. Soon she was sobbing.

“Your Majesty,” Chief Eunuch Shim said, “the whips have been soaked and the slaves are ready to perform their duty.”

Nuharoo nodded. “Lady Yehonala, on your way, please!”

Taking a long, thick whip from his assistant, Shim made a deep bow to the Empress and then exited the room.

Guards came from four sides and locked their hands on me.

I resisted. “I am carrying Emperor Hsien Feng’s child!”

Chief Eunuch Shim returned and twisted my arms behind me. My knees buckled and I fell. My belly swung to the floor.

On my knees I crawled to Nuharoo and begged. “I am truly sorry about what happened to Little Cloud, Your Majesty, but it was an accident. If you have to punish me, please do so after I give birth. I’ll accept any term of imprisonment.”

Nuharoo cracked a smile. Her expression frightened me. The smile told me that it was her wish that I should lose the baby, and that she could restore harmony between us only at that price. I was sure she knew that I wouldn’t give in, knew that she had to force me, knew that she was backed by all the concubines. She wanted me to know that her will was strong and that she could not be denied.

We stared at each other. Between us was a naked understanding.

“I play fair, Lady Yehonala, and that’s all,” Nuharoo said almost gently. “I can assure you that there is nothing personal.”

“On the frame!” Chief Eunuch Shim called.

The guards swept me up like a hen.

“Your Majesty Empress Nuharoo above,” I cried, struggling to free myself. “As your slave I know my crime. Undeserving as I am, I beg you to pity me. I have begun telling this child in my belly that you are his true mother. You are his destiny. The reason this child will come through me is to reach you. Take pity on this child, Empress Nuharoo, for it will be your child.”

I hit my forehead on the ground. The thought of losing my child felt worse than losing my own life. “Nuharoo, please, give him a chance to love you, my elder sister. I’ll come back in the next life to be anything you desire. I’ll be the skin of your drum, a paper for you to wipe your behind, a worm for your fish hook…”

Chief Eunuch Shim whispered something in Nuharoo’s ear. Her expression changed. Shim must have said that if she displeased the Imperial ancestors, she would be stripped of her titles and struck by lightning. Like An-te-hai to me, Shim was there to protect not only Nuharoo’s future, but also his own.

“Carry on?” he asked.

Nuharoo nodded.

“Zah! ” The eunuch took a step back as he finished his bow. He grabbed my collar and ordered his people, “In the manner of Woo Hua, the Flower-rope!”

I was dragged out. Suddenly I felt warm fluid dripping from between my legs. I held my belly and cried.

It was then that I heard a long wail from the far end of the hall.

“Still and silence!”

Emperor Hsien Feng lunged between Chief Eunuch Shim and me. He was in his light yellow silk robe. His nostrils flared. His eyes were filled with rage. The breathless An-te-hai stood behind him.

Chief Eunuch Shim went to greet His Majesty, but he received no response.

Nuharoo rose from her chair. “Your Majesty, thank you so much for coming to release me.” She threw herself at the Emperor’s feet. “I can’t bear this anymore. I can’t make myself order Lady Yehonala’s punishment knowing that she is carrying your child.”

Emperor Hsien Feng stood frozen for a moment. He then bent down, both of his arms reaching out. “My Empress,” he called softly. “Rise, please.”

Nuharoo wouldn’t rise. “I am an unfit Empress, and I deserve punishment,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Please forgive me for failing to perform my duty.”

“You are the most merciful person I have ever known,” the Emperor responded. “Orchid is very fortunate to have you as a sister.”

I lay on the ground. An-te-hai helped me to sit on my heels. The warm fluid between my legs seemed to have stopped. When Hsien Feng looked to see whether I was truly hurt, I could see him concluding that An-te-hai had exaggerated.

His Majesty told Nuharoo that she had done nothing wrong. He took out his handkerchief and passed it to her. “I didn’t mean to burden you with responsibilities. However, you must understand that the Im perial household needs a ruler, and it is you. Please, Nuharoo, you have my deepest trust and gratitude.”

Nuharoo rose and bowed to the Emperor. She passed back his handkerchief and took a towel from Chief Eunuch Shim. She patted her cheeks with the towel and said, “I am concerned that the baby has been strained because of this. I will not be able to face our ancestors if there is any damage.” Again she broke into tears. At this, Emperor Hsien Feng offered to accompany her to the Imperial park in the afternoon to help her regain her composure.

It was hard to watch the way His Majesty showed his affection for Nuharoo. And it was harder to spend the night alone knowing that Hsien Feng was with her. The possibilities of what might have happened, and what might happen in the future, scared me more than any nightmare.

I lived in a world of chaos where torture was a routine practice. I began to understand why so many concubines became obsessed with religion. It was either that or complete madness.

I was enduring the worst winter of my life. It was mid-February of 1856. My belly was now the size of a watermelon. Against An-te-hai’s advice, I stepped out onto the frosted ground. I wanted to visit my garden and longed to breathe fresh air. The beauty of the snow-covered pavilions and pagodas brought me a delighted feeling of hope. In only a few months the baby would be born.

I attempted to dig into the soil, but the ground was still hard. An-te-hai brought a large sack of flower bulbs from the past year and said to me, “Plant a wish for the baby, my lady.”

I could tell he had been sleeping soundly, for his cheeks were apple red.

“Of course,” I said.

It took us the whole day to plant the bulbs. I thought about the farmers in the countryside and imagined the families working to break the frozen soil.

“If you are to be a son,” I said, placing a hand on my belly, “and if you ever get to be the Emperor of China, I wish you to be good and deserving.”

“A-ko! ” The moment I heard An-te-hai’s cry, my mind turned into a spring garden where flowers bloomed all at once. Although exhausted, I was in rapture. Before Hsien Feng arrived, Nuharoo and all His Maj-esty’s other wives and concubines made their way to my palace. “Where is our newborn son?”

Everybody congratulated Nuharoo. When she picked up the baby from my arms and proudly showed him to the others, my fear returned. I kept thinking: Now that they have lost the chance to kill my son in my belly, will they kill him in his cradle? Will they poison his mind by spoiling him? One thing I was sure of was that they would never let go of the idea of getting even with me.

I was granted a new title by Emperor Hsien Feng, the Auspicious Mother. Gifts and cases of taels were sent to honor my family. Still, my mother and my sister were not permitted to visit me. My husband didn’t come either. My “filthiness” was believed to be capable of bringing disease to His Majesty.

I was served ten meals a day, but I had no appetite and most of the food was wasted. I was left alone to drift in and out of sleep. In my dreams I chased people who came in disguise to harm my son.

A few days later, the Emperor visited me. He didn’t look well. The robe he wore made him look thinner and