Pageant of Murder

“Refreshments?”

“They had those while they were waiting to go on, I expect. The Town Hall laid on coffee, bridge-roll sandwiches and some cakes, I believe. Anyway, there were sixteen dancers and I suppose they can all alibi one another for the time of the murder.”

“Of course, we still don’t know the time of the murder, do we?”

“Except that I’m quite convinced it must have been before the interval.”

“Not necessarily, you know. I’ve just had another bright thought.”

“But, Dog, there were all those schoolchildren about during the interval. Nobody could possibly have got away with murder with them around.”

“He could if the murder took place outside the Town Hall and not inside it, you know. Let’s suppose that the murderer gets Falstaff, on some pretence or other, out on to Smith Hill. He inveigles him down to the water’s edge, we’ll say, and pinks him through the heart. He dumps the body in the mud and trusts that the ebb tide—the river’s tidal as far as Teddington—will carry it away. If it doesn’t, well, it doesn’t matter all that much. If it happened like that, you see, it wouldn’t matter how many people were milling about during the interval.”

The pageant and its aftermath had taken place on a Thursday. The detective had called on Kitty on the Friday morning, therefore, and the evening paper that day headed its meagre account of Falstaff’s death with the caption, Horseplay Has Tragic Sequel.

“So that’s the way the cat jumps,” said Laura. “The police have put up a smoke-screen.”

The paragraph under the heading was unrewarding. A mock duel, it was suggested, had been fought, and one of the contestants fatally wounded. Those responsible had evidently panicked and had removed the body to the river. The dead man was clad in period costume, and a clothes-basket—one of the properties used in the play—had also been found bogged down in the riverside mud. The dead man, a popular member of the Brayne Dramatic and Operatic Society, was Sidney Matravers Luton. He was unmarried and (the sub-editor had slipped up for once) had left no children.

Laura and Kitty absorbed this information.

“I always did say there was a jinx on the wretched pageant,” said Kitty, on the Sunday morning. “I wish to goodness I’d never got myself mixed up in it. I ought to have known better, and I did know better, really, but when a nephew comes touting around for assistance, you do rather find yourself letting yourself in for things. Oh, Lord! The telephone! Now what?”

The call came from the nephew in question. Young Mr Perse was ringing up his aunt to find out whether she had heard the news. Kitty informed him that she had, whereupon he invited himself round for afternoon tea and offered to place all his inside knowledge at her disposal.

He arrived at four, dressed in a dark lounge suit and wearing a buttonhole.

“Why the foliage?” enquired Kitty, resentfully.

“I sent for thee upon a sad occasion,” said Laura. Young Mr Perse kissed both of them.

“I don’t take an evening paper,” he said, “but I knew something must have happened to Luton. He didn’t show up at Sunday School this morning.”

“Sunday School?” queried Laura.

“He was the Sunday School superintendent at the League of Young Hearts chapel. It was left to the secretary- treasurer to conduct the revels. This he did (amid acclaim) by purporting to be a sunbeam.”

“A sunbeam?” said Kitty. “But…”

“Yes, I know (although, until this moment, you didn’t) he’s fat and wears a beard,” said her nephew, “but the chosen hymn was about sunbeams and he became one, cavorting about the platform with his thumbs in his waistcoat armholes and his plump little legs twinkling in time to a rather wheezy harmonium.”

“But you couldn’t have been to Sunday School!” cried Kitty.

“Why couldn’t I? You don’t realise how thoroughly and to what extent we Councillors go about our duties. We visit schools, Sunday Schools, Church parades, supermarkets, recreation grounds, the Girls’ Friendly Society, hospitals, Old People’s Homes, orphanages…”

“And the Old Bull and Bush, I suppose,” said Laura, deeply interested. Perse bowed.

“So it fell to my lot to attend this Sunday School session at ten o’clock this morning, and it was then I decided that something had happened to Luton. The sunbeam act surprised me, you see, and, knowing that Luton usually conducted the revels, I couldn’t forbear asking after him, only to be told that the poor chap had been killed.”

“What’s a Sunday School superintendent doing in a drama club, anyway?” demanded Kitty.

“My dear aunt! I should point out that we live in modern times.”

“And then to go and get himself killed in this utterly nefarious (right, Dog?) way!” continued Kitty. “Dog and I have talked it over until my head spins. What do you know that we don’t—or have you come to tea under false pretences?”

“I’m afraid it’s under false pretences, dear Aunt Kitty. I was hoping you could tell me something. I wish now that I hadn’t opted out of being present at the Town Hall.”

“I’m pretty sure this story of a mock duel with fatal ending is pure boloney,” said Laura. “But, actually, we don’t know a thing. The police have been here, of course, because of Kitty’s tie-up with the show, and I’m sure they think it was murder.”

“Do they, by Jove! But a more harmless citizen than Luton couldn’t be found! Who on earth could have had it in for him sufficiently to go to the length of doing him in? I don’t see why accident should be ruled out. The police would be bound to make enquiries, just as much in a case of accidental death as in a case of suicide or murder.”