Pageant of Murder

expansive.”

“Yes, I noticed that.”

“Whether what he was able to tell me will be useful, is more than I can say at present. However, he was good enough to promise that he will have a word with the Town Hall staff, so that I shall be allowed every facility to study the stage, the dressing-rooms, and the door which opens on to Smith Hill.”

“Oh, well, that’s definitely something.”

In company with Kitty, they visited Brayne on the following evening between afternoon tea and dinner, to find that young Mr Perse had been as good as his word, and that they were indeed to have “every facility”. The caretaker recognised Kitty at once, saluted the party courteously and asked where they would like to go. He conducted them ceremoniously to the auditorium, told them that the dressing-rooms were unlocked and that there was nothing to do to the outside door except to turn the handle, and then, with another salute, added that it was all theirs.

Upon this, he left them, and Kitty led the way through swing doors to a corridor which led to the dressing- rooms and the back of the stage.

“Of course,” she said, “these rooms are used for different purposes at different times. Sometimes they’re used for meetings of sub-committees, because there aren’t always shows on, although the place is pretty well booked up by amateurs for most evenings, so I’m told. Anyway, I can tell you how the rooms were allotted for my evening.” She opened the doors and left Dame Beatrice to look round. “This was the room the men had. The women, there being only two of them, were given this small room next door. And that’s all they actually needed for the play. The Tots had this room, the ballet this one, and the formation team were in here.”

There were three rooms which needed no introduction from Kitty. They were clearly marked, in black paint on a primrose yellow surface, Toilets, Bouquets, Refreshments.

“Bouquets?” commented Laura, amused. Kitty opened the door, disclosing long wooden tables of the old- fashioned, well-scrubbed, kitchen variety, a sink with a water-tap, two nylon overalls on pegs and a collection of enamel jugs of all sizes on the floor.

“Well,” said Kitty, “I suppose it’s a good idea to have a special room fitted up for flowers. If the amateur shows I’ve been to are anything to go by, not only do all the women who actually have a speaking part or sing solos get a floral tribute, but so do most of the chorus. Those who don’t expect to be given one, buy it for themselves, so it’s a jolly good idea to have somewhere to put the stuff until it’s wanted at the end of the show.”

“Was this particular room needed on your night?” Dame Beatrice enquired.

“No, they didn’t use it, so far as I know. It was agreed no flowers, being Shakespeare, you see.”

“I don’t see,” said Laura. “What’s Shakespeare got to do with it?”

“I didn’t think it would be reverent to let them have bouquets, Dog, after they’d had the privilege of speaking his words, so I put an advertisement on all the posters and in the local paper, saying, No floral tributes will be handed on to the stage. I knew that would mean there wouldn’t be any.”

“Yes, I see. Floral tributes must not only be given, they must be seen to be given. Quite so. But didn’t your Mrs Page and Mrs Ford kick?”

“Oh, no, far from it. They were afraid their bouquets (if we’d had any) might be different from each other in number, size and price. You’ve no idea, Dog, of what goes on in people’s minds once they set foot on a real stage in front of a real audience.”

“What about the other acts? As I remember it, didn’t you have a ballet and so forth?”

“Oh, but they’re serious people, Dog! They wouldn’t dream of accepting bouquets from their friends. Anyway, their ballet mistress wouldn’t let them. She charges them the earth for their lessons and rules them with a sort of jack-boot fearfulness which is absolutely petrifying. I don’t know how on earth they stick it. My theory, having seen and heard the old dragon in action, is that, having joined, they simply don’t dare to leave.”

“There is that, of course. What happens if she chucks them out?”

“Oh, she never chucks anybody out, Dog. She’s got her living to earn. Just tells them they’re not ready to perform in public. Anyway, as I’ve just pointed out, this is the room the ballet had, and next door we put the Tots.”

“Weren’t they too noisy to be put next-door to anything cultural?”

“Oh, well, the signora screeches at her company all the time, without ever letting up, so I didn’t think an extra bit of yelling would matter. This, again as I said, and sorry to repeat myself but I do want Dame Beatrice to get it clear, is the room we gave the formation team. They came ready dressed, but we had to give them somewhere to hang about until it was their turn to go on, and this room has a little annexe where the girls could restore their make-up, so we didn’t need to separate them from their partners. They spend the whole time practising steps, you know. Formation dancing is…what’s the word I want?”

“Obsessional?”

“Yes, that’s it. It’s a sort of bug.”

“You mean it’s a sort of dedication.”

“Do I? Oh, well, anyway, we didn’t give the school choirs a room because we’d had them in the gallery until the interval, so we just showed them the toilets and lined them up in the corridor where they got biscuits and soft drinks to keep them happy until we wanted them.”

“Yes, I see,” said Dame Beatrice. “And now may we go on to the stage?”

“One thing,” said Laura, as Kitty showed the way to the stairs which led up to the wings on the O.P. side. “What about your two comedians? Didn’t they need a dressing-room?”

“Not one of their own. We pushed them in with the drama club. There was plenty of space, and theirs was the second act, so they left the building as soon as they had finished their turn. And was I glad to see the back of them!”