”It isn’t gone, it’s here, it’s
”Don’t excite yourself, please.”
”I would have liked Parvati. I would have loved her, we could all have been happy, I would have loved your children. Oh Miles, your children-“
”Stop it, please.”
”You must forgive me, Miles, forgive me properly, when you’ve understood it all. If only Parvati-“
”
There was a silence. Bruno drew back among his pillows. His hands crawled about his neck. The narrow luminous eyes glowed. He stared at his son.
”You haven’t been to see me for years.”
”You never answered my letters.”
”They were lying letters.”
”Well, Father, if you feel like that I scarcely see the point-“
Bruno’s pointed knees were hunched up towards his chest. His huge head lolled and rolled on the pillows as he leaned on one hand trying to lever himself up. The big bulbous face quivered. The quavering voice issued like a jet of steam.
”Why did you come here to be so unkind to an old man? You never loved me, you always sided with your mother, you never came near me, you were never affectionate and forgiving like other children, you were cold to me, and you still hate me now and you wish me dead, dead and gone, like all those things you said didn’t exist anymore. All right, I’ll soon be dead and you can forget me and bury me and tidy me away forever. You can’t take the trouble even now to try to see what I’m really like. You just think that I’m dying and I smell of death and I’ve lost my mind and I’m just a heap of stinking rotting flesh that you can’t bring yourself to touch, but I’ve still got enough spirit left to curse you-“
”Father, please-“
”Get out, get out, get
Miles backed away, stumbled through the door, blundered across the dark landing and began to run down the stairs. At the bottom he cannoned into Danby. For a moment Danby seized hold of his wrist. “You’ve upset him, damn you! I told you not to!”
Miles wrenched himself away, and as he got out of the front door he could hear the voice above him screaming now. “And you shan’t have the stamps! You shan’t have the stamps!”
He began to run away down the street in the rain. He ought never to have gone. It was like a doom, it was more terrible than he could have imagined. He was back in that awful world of stupidity and violence and muddle. He was utterly
14
“Please may we see him? We didn’t telephone in case you said no.”
Danby stared at the two women. It had stopped raining and an east wind was running through a smudged grey sky. The women were wearing mackintoshes and scarves over their heads. Their faces were anxious, large and pale and looming in the sullen light. Diana’s mackintosh had a harlequin pattern of pink and white and she was carrying a bunch of narcissus. The street behind them was windswept and empty.
”Come in,” he said, “but I don’t think-Look, you’d better come through to my room.”
He led them through the dark hall and down into his bed room, closing the communicating door. “He hears everything in the other part of the house. I’d rather he didn’t-It’s very kind of you to come.”
Diana pushed the scarf back revealing her brow and a strained-back strip of gleaming hair. “Miles is so upset about yesterday.”
”Damn Miles, if I may say so.”
”Yes, I know, I’m sure he was awful, tactless and so on. He says he just froze up. And Bruno was rather emotional and Miles hates emotion.”
”It was hardly an unemotional situation. Miles ought to have tried.”
”He really did intend to try, I know he did. He got the impression that Bruno was a bit-sort of unhinged.”
”Bruno isn’t unhinged. Miles is criminally stupid.”
”It all took him by surprise-“
”He was in such a damn hurry. I wanted to brief him be forehand but he wouldn’t listen. I should have insisted.”
”Well, may we see Bruno?”
”Bruno isn’t very seeable today.”
”He’s upset too?”
”He’s not just upset he’s thoroughly ill. A man who’s as sick as Bruno can’t be philosophical. He was completely knocked out by that idiotic scene with Miles. I’ll take the flowers up. But I’m afraid-“
”Couldn’t we just go in and see him for a moment?” Lisa spoke, her head still shrouded, leaning against the door, hands in pockets.
”Well-“ Danby gave his attention to Lisa for the first time. She was much darker than her sister and very thin in the face. Wisps of dark brown hair, like thorns, emerged from under her tightly knotted damp yellow scarf. Her rather long nose was reddened by the east wind.
”You see,” Lisa went on, “I think it’s very important to do something quickly before they both settle down to thinking that they can’t communicate.”
”I’m sure Lisa’s right,” said Diana. “It was her idea to come round on this sort of embassy. I think perhaps Bruno-We’d tell him Miles is sorry-Two women-“
”Two women!” Danby laughed. “You girls think your selves omnipotent. You’re dealing with a very sick person and a thoroughly cantankerous old man. Don’t imagine Bruno will eat out of your hand!”
”We wouldn’t stay more than a moment,” said Lisa, “just to give him the flowers and say a word. He could think about it afterwards. And it might give him something nicer to think about, it would make a break between that and now.”
Danby hesitated. “Well, I’ll go and tell him you’re here. But I very much doubt if he’ll see you. He’s worked himself up into a real state of angry misery, and I’m afraid he’s a bit confused too, it’s not one of his good days.”
”Please-“
”All right, I’ll see. You can come up and wait on the landing. Oh hello, Adelaide. This is Adelaide the Maid. Mrs. Greensleave. Miss Watkin.”
Danby went up the two flights of stairs and put his head round Bruno’s door. The unlit room was a tiny grey box suspended from the window, where racing luminous grey clouds were imparting a gliding motion to the black bar of the power-station tower. Bruno was sitting bolt upright in bed in a position unusual to him: he lay usually well snuggled down into the blankets. His red and white striped flannel pajamas were buttoned up to the neck. His arms held stiffly by his sides descended into the blankets. His face was so contorted that it was difficult to discern the features or to see this prominent mass of crumpled “flesh as part of a human being. Nigel, who said it was now “too difficult to get into the crevices,” had not shaved him for two days and the lower face and neck were covered with a grey fungus. Danby averted his eyes. “Bruno, Miles’s wife and sister-in-law are here.”
Bruno’s head rolled slightly and Danby felt himself looked at.
”Please, we’ll just-“ Danby felt a fluttering outside the door behind him and the pink and white mackintosh creaked, touched his coat.
Bruno said nothing. Danby, turning and opening the door a little more, said, “Just put the flowers quickly on the bed and go.” He felt upset and confused by the arrival of the women, as if he were suddenly frightened of Bruno on their behalf. He ought to have warned them about Bruno’s appearance.
