The Man Who Killed

“Three’s safer. It’s my caper. Equal shares.”

Bob gave me a dirty look. I was cutting into his portion. Already I didn’t like him much.

“There’s the watchman, the manager, and a girl,” Jack said. “Three’s best.”

“Third murderer,” I said.

“No rough stuff if we can help it. You still have your cannon?”

I opened my coat.

“How much do you reckon?” I asked.

“There’s a whole week’s receipts on a Sunday. Maybe more. We’ll see. You ready? I’m Pete, you’re Sam and Ed. Got the rope?”

Bob took a big coil out from his coat and looped it over his shoulder. Jack checked his wristwatch.

“Half-past ten.”

He opened the door to near-blackness softened only by the red of an exit sign. I went cold with fear. This had the taste of desperation to it, that familiar flavour of fear. My hair steamed as we made our way down a steep flight. Ahead of us was an illumination, a door ajar. Jack eased it open, revealing a man in sleeve garters and a bowtie dipping a pen nib into a bottle of ink. Before him sat a ledger. Jack clucked his tongue and the man looked up.

“What’s this?”

Jack raised a finger to his lips.

“Who are you, sir? This theatre’s closed.”

Bob and I entered the office, guns in hands.

“Good Lord. What is the meaning of this?”

The man snatched off his pince-nez and began to stand. He had pluck, I’d give him that.

“Do not test our resolve, sir. We are here to relieve you of your pecuniaries.”

Jack parodied the manager’s Southern drawl creditably.

“But sir, you cannot. I must insist you disengage!”

“I will ask you to be so kind as to hold your tongue. We desire the contents of the safe,” Jack said. “Samuel, Edward, locate the watchman and the lady. Take care that the doors have been locked and search for any telephones, like so.” Jack picked up the Bakelite machine on the manager’s desk and ripped the cord from the wall, then dumped the disabled works on the floor. At this, the manager stood a moment, then sat again suddenly, pale, confused. Bob left the office and I followed.

“I’ll check the lobby,” I said. “Try the back exit for the guard.”

Bob slipped off, saying nothing. I headed down a passageway, my stomach sinking away, bowels frozen. The hall opened on the shadowy lobby, where an older woman in a cardigan fussed behind the candy counter. I walked to the doors and checked that they were locked from within. Turning my way, the woman went saucer-eyed. I caught my own reflection in a dark mirror, a menacing masked figure with a gun. I’d do whatever I said, for fear of worse.

“Come with me, madam,” said I.

Some of Jack’s mock gallantry had worn off on me. At present Bob was an unknown factor but seemed a cold, bloodthirsty, greedy little bastard. What we were engaged in was a felony. Should something go wrong, it would be the rope for us. Trust Jack, I reminded myself. Why? Because you always have, you fool.

“Where’s the ’phone?” I growled.

Nothing. She was frozen. Get her out of here. I grabbed at her elbow and steered her backstage towards the office. My captive moved jerkily, like an automaton. We ran into Bob, lashing a uniformed geezer’s hands to a ladder. He stuffed a wadded playbill into the watchman’s mouth. Quid ipsos custodes custodiet indeed. Pre-medical grounding in the Classics is a requisite. Some Latin, less Greek, like the Bard. Remembered peppering my Juvenal with accents, playing the Eton swot for the Pater. He watched, bearded and severe as Jehovah, never sparing the rod as I tripped over the dative case. Jack slung the bat with ease, another of his gifts, beaming at our schoolmaster, never an apple polisher but genuinely likeable. People took a shine to Jack, I never knew why. The manager had probably already opened a bottle of sourmash, the two damning reconstruction and toasting the immortal memory of Robert E. Lee. I poked the woman into the room and Bob followed. The woman cried: “John!”

“Mary?”

Bob sniggered. I almost agreed. Who were these people?

“May I assume that you two enjoy the sanctity of the marital bond?” asked Jack.

The manager choked.

“Now see here, you ruffian,” he said.

“For heaven’s sake, John,” wailed Mary.

“Yes, John. For your own sake and that of this good lady, be kind enough to open the safe. We desire no harm to befall the missus,” said Jack.

John goggled. John Adams, I saw painted on the frosted glass of the office door.

“Sir, I beseech you, as a fellow Southerner, please...”

“John!” Mary shrieked.

Adams deflated. He swivelled his chair towards a Chinese screen, which he pulled aside to reveal a squat iron cube, then spun the dial and opened the safe. Jack sat on the edge of the desk, all taut attention and eager amusement, humming “Dixie.” The manager took out a bound pile of notes, a sack of silver, and a fat bag stuffed with loose bills. He passed the lot to Jack.

“Thank you kindly,” said Jack.

Bob pushed the woman down into a chair. I went to check our hogtied nightwatchman and from him smelled sharp sweat and urine. His eyes were shut tight. Disgusted, I returned to the office, where Jack was emptying a valise. He placed the money within and gave the case a heft. Bob’s eyes glinted and he looked over to me. Ice-cold and hard. Mary Adams was pale with fright. From his pocket Bob took out a blade and the woman whimpered. He cut fabric from the hem of her dress and her eyes went to mine, terrified. Bob balled the muslin and roughly shoved it into her mouth. He took sticking plaster from the desk and put it over her lips, then grabbed the last of his rope and with Jack’s help bound her and her husband’s wrists and ankles to their chairs. My heartbeat steadied. Jack straightened his cravat.

“We thank you for your very kind indulgence in this matter. Now don’t you go being over-hasty in attempting to extricate yourselves, as we have compatriots observing each and every egress. Do take care now, y’hear?”

With that we hustled out the back door to the alley.

“Where now?” I asked.

“Bob’s.”

We hotfooted it to Sherbrooke, avoiding streetlamps, walking in a staggered file along the pavement, with Jack ahead, Bob watching him and his cargo, and myself covering our rear. Bob’s place was on Prince Arthur, in the student ghetto. It appeared my life had become a series of traverses from room to saloon to shitty room. What pattern was I tracing on the face of the city? We took the stairs to a standard two-bit garret with stains on the ceiling and spilled paint on the floorboards. Interestingly, large canvasses were stacked face first against the walls. Bob left, returned with a bowl of cracked ice, and pulled a bottle of whiskey from a boot by the bed. Jack checked his ’watch.

“Nice work, boyos.”

I lit a cigaret, my hands spiting their training, shaking with a minor tremor. Tension. The puncture points along my arm gave a phantom throb. My teeth tasted chalky. I wanted something, morphine, opium, oblivion. Bob portioned out the gargle. Nausea rose within me to be chased down by antiseptic liquor.

Between Jack and Bob there ran a current of excitement, their grins lupine. Lon Chaney in The Trap. Jack poured the contents of the bag onto a ratty Chesterfield. Bob nearly ravened at the sight of the cash but restrained himself with an effort. Jack lit a cigaret. I tapped my ashes into a half oyster shell. What was I playing at? It’d happened too bloody fast for real fear to grip me overmuch. Fatalism. Jack regarded me. I spat a shred of tobacco onto the floorboards while Bob counted the money. The coins rang as they struck each other: nickels, dimes, quarters, dollars. Copper, silver, gold.

I fixed Jack with a look and we regarded each other, unblinking. I broke first. “What was that distracting detail you mentioned?” I asked.