free, liberated, as if a burden had disappeared from her life.
How could she have thought she loved this man? He was so obviously wrong for her-perfectly nice, and the best of friends, but nothing more than that.
As much as she cared for him, she didn’t feel that spark, that depth of feeling she had for Cade. And after her soul-searching up on that mountain, she refused to settle for anything less. She didn’t want a stale, predictable life any longer. She didn’t want a diet of bland white bread and vanilla ice cream, no matter how comfortable the taste.
She wanted excitement, fireworks, passion.
She wanted Cade, smokejumping career and all.
“Phil, I-” She sighed, knowing that this would be hard. “Listen, we need to talk. But it’s a long story, and I need to shower first. I’ve got a room down the hall.” She nodded in that direction. “Can we meet in an hour to talk?”
“Sure.” He stared at her charred jeans, still looking dazed. Then he snapped his gaze back up. “Are you hungry? We can see if anything’s open and grab something to eat.”
“I’d like that.” A surge of affection warmed her heart. No matter what, Phil had flown out here because he cared. And that’s what she called a good friend. “And Phil?”
He raised his brows, still looking shell-shocked.
“I appreciate that you came to find me.”
“Sure.” He blinked again, and she hobbled away.
Chapter 17
“McKenzie! What are you doing here?”
Trying like hell to forget about Jordan. Cade leaned against a long table in the parachute loft as his smokejumping bro, Trey Campbell, strolled toward him. Not that he’d managed to stop thinking about her yet. That woman had worked herself under his skin, driving her self in so deeply that it hurt him even to breathe.
But no way was he admitting that to Trey. His bro had witnessed the hell he’d suffered the first time Jordan had dumped him, and had spent months trying to help him stay sane. No way could he confess that he’d let her de stroy him again.
The dog trailed Trey into the loft. When he spotted Cade, he wagged his tail and rushed to greet him. Careful not to bump his arm, which was secured in a harness-style sling, Cade squatted to ruffle his fur.
The dog looked different this morning, more civilized. His fur had been washed and brushed, his nails trimmed, and he sported a blue bandanna. And he didn’t stink anymore. “Hey, buddy,” Cade said. “Looks like somebody groomed you.”
“No kidding.” Trey propped his hip against the opposite table. “What did that mutt do, anyhow? Roll in a rotting carcass?”
“Beats me.” Cade gave the dog a final pat and straightened while Trey nodded to the other jumpers in the loft. The master rigger sat at one of the sewing machines below the row of elk heads lining the wall, a blue-and-white parachute spread over his legs. There was a lull in the whir of his sewing machine as he greeted Trey back.
“Yo, Trey,” another rigger called above the blare of country music. “You at the top of the list yet?”
“Getting close,” Trey said. “I should make the second load.”
“Sounds good.” The rigger finished packing a chute and pushed it down the long table toward Cade.
Cade reached around a spare iron and glue gun, and picked it up. He checked the size, then strode over and stuffed it into the green cubicle along the wall with the other mediums. With fires popping up all over, they needed to keep the shelves stocked.
Which was why he’d rationalized coming back to work today. At this time of year, they needed all the help they could get. Unfortunately, no matter how busy he stayed, he couldn’t keep his mind off Jordan.
“I thought you were supposed to take it easy for a while,” Trey said.
“Hell, this
“Except stay in bed?”
“Right.” And no way was he doing that. Every time he closed his eyes, those damned memories flashed through his brain, of Jordan’s smile, her silky skin, that amazing sex in the cave.
So, after a sleepless night spent battling the need to see her, he’d given up and headed to the base. He knew he’d go crazy if he didn’t find something to distract him.
“So what happened up on that mountain?” Trey persisted, crossing his arms.
“Nothing much.” Cade kept his expression neutral. “We found the dog, the fire blew up, they flew us out.”
“Uh-huh.” Trey’s shrewd eyes narrowed. “And that’s why you bolted out of that hospital before I could get back to pick you up?”
“I didn’t bolt.” Not exactly. He scowled. “Hell, you saw what I looked like. I probably smelled worse than the dog. I just wanted to shower and eat.”
And get away from Jordan before he did something foolish, like begging her to love him again.
“Uh-huh,” Trey repeated, his smirk indicating he wasn’t fooled.
Damning Trey for being too perceptive, Cade strode from the loft into the inspection tower, the dog cheerfully tagging his heels. He muttered a greeting to the loft foreman, who was staring up at a red-and-white reserve chute hanging from the ceiling, then pushed his way past the looping shroud lines and anti-inversion netting dangling off the blue-and-white mains.
He glanced down to make sure the dog stayed with him and mentally sighed. Okay, so maybe Trey was right. He
Hell, who was he fooling? She already had.
But at least he’d had the sense to control the damage this time. He’d gotten away before he lost all common sense and begged her to stay.
So why wasn’t he relieved? He should be glad he’d escaped that danger.
He braced himself, expecting to feel the rush of anger, the sense of betrayal she always evoked, but he couldn’t conjure it up this time. His rage had dwindled during the night, mellowing into something new.
Guilt that she’d suffered that miscarriage and he hadn’t been there to help. Remorse that he hadn’t eased the pain or kept her safe.
Not that he’d had much chance. She hadn’t even told him she was pregnant. Still, he’d been her husband. He should have been at her side.
His gut knotted, his emotions slugging hard through his chest, he strode into the ready room and glanced around. His gaze landed on the jump list posted by the dispatch desk, and he automatically started to scan it. He’d traveled halfway through the second column before he caught himself. The green magnetic tag bearing his name had been scuttled off to the side, where it would stay for the rest of the season. He had to get used to that fact.
And find some other way to keep his mind off Jordan.
Several jumpers milled around the ready room, repacking their personal gear bags and checking their equipment. Keeping a close watch on the dog in case the siren blew, Cade wandered to his locker and looked in. His jumpsuit jacket hung on one hook, his helmet and pants on another. He made a mental note to thank Trey for returning his gear.
Even if he wouldn’t need it until next spring.
“Hey, Cade.” The rookie he’d saved knelt nearby, stuffing a can of baked beans into his PG bag. The kid stood, stuck his bag beneath the shelf in the narrow locker, then strolled over to Cade. “Sorry about your shoulder. I heard it’s messed up pretty bad.”
“The bone’s just cracked. Nothing major.” It was a hell of a way to end the season, but at least the injury would heal.
Grimacing, the kid rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, thanks again, man. For pushing me out of the way,