Breaking Free

“No. No, my husband is a-”

“You mean your ex-husband, don’t you?” Yeah, he’d figured she’d been married to the guy.

“Ah…yes.” But her eyes flickered. She continued, “You’re nothing like…”

He lost the rest of what she was saying as ice slivered up his spine and jabbed shards into his brain. “He’s not an ex. You’re still married to him,” he said slowly. All the time he’d spent with her, been inside her, and… “You’re a married woman, and I’ve been fucking you.” He deliberately chose the coarse word.

The color drained from her face, leaving her golden freckles a muddy gray. “No, I-I…” She held her hands out to him.

“And you’re lying.” Just like his wife had lied to him. I wouldn’t cheat on you. Nolan. How can you say that? As fury roared through him, he pressed his shoulder against the wall, knowing if he moved, the anger would erupt into shouting. His family tended to yell when upset, but he couldn’t. Not now. To see her cringe from him at this point would be the last straw. He closed his eyes and sucked in a bitter breath as his carefully laid framework crumbled. Nothing can stand if not built on solid ground.

When he opened his eyes, she hadn’t moved. What did she want from him? A noise came from behind him, and he glanced around. The others had entered the foyer and, from the look on their faces, they’d heard. “Cullen, would you see Beth to her car, please?”

Cullen hesitated. “Ah…are you-”

“Now, please.”

Cullen’s face tightened. “Sure, buddy. I’ll do that.”

“Thank you.” Nolan stepped out of the doorway, keeping his face calm despite the fire roaring inside him, burning half-formed dreams into ash. “Thank you all for coming. I’m glad we could spend the evening together.”

Kari took Dan’s hand, glanced at Beth, and murmured, “Thank you for having us over, Nolan.”

Cullen moved finally. He squeezed Nolan’s shoulder, then gave Beth a small push to get her moving and jerked his head at Deborah to follow.

Once in the yard, Beth looked at Nolan over her shoulder, her lower lip trembling.

His return look kept her silent. “Goodbye, Beth.”

Chapter Twelve

Most people would get drunk right about now, Beth thought. She propped her chin on her knees and stared at the waves rolling onto the sandy beach. Over the past few hours, the tide had changed, leaving more and more of the white sand exposed. In the sky, black clouds were blotting out the stars. The increasingly gusty wind sent frothy spray into the air, and Beth’s skin felt sticky with salt and gritty with sand. It didn’t seem to matter.

How had everything gone so wrong, so quickly?

All her fault. She couldn’t escape the memory of Nolan’s eyes changing from a laughing heat to an icy cold that absorbed all emotions. His eyes had told her whatever relationship they’d had was dead and gone.

She heard the crunch of footsteps and turned her head to see a lonely beach walker skirting the water’s edge. In dark clothing and in the tall grass, Beth wouldn’t be easy to spot, but she patted her pepper spray anyway. She’d never been able to resist the ocean at night, here or in California, but she wasn’t stupid, either.

At least about this. About relationships… How could she have been so stupid?

He might have been reasonable about her being married-maybe-but she’d killed everything by trying to lie to him. The one thing he had no tolerance for. Her eyes burned with tears, and she brushed them away. If she apologized and explained, would he listen?

His words didn’t give much hope. “Goodbye, Beth.” That didn’t sound much like a, “Call me and we’ll talk about this.” But what did she have to lose? And, okay, she knew he wouldn’t want to talk to her, but she owed him an explanation. And thanks. God, she owed him so much.

Surely she could manage one phone call without crying and embarrassing them both.

Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she started to punch in his number and stopped, staring at the clock on the tiny screen. Four o’clock in the morning? He was already angry. Waking him up at this hour would be insane. She tried to laugh and failed, then dialed again, a different number on the West Coast. Her night-owl mom would still be up at one a.m.

“Mom?”

“Bethy. Oh, honey, I’m so glad you called.” Her mother’s voice, usually so warm and cheerful, sounded strained. “I tried to reach you earlier.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Now don’t get upset. It might be nothing, and I might be just a paranoid old woman, but… Well, I went to the Gilmore’s house for their Fourth of July party, the usual big bash. One of the Thompson girls was there. You remember the Thompsons; they live across the street from me?”

“Uh-huh.” She didn’t, but she knew now. “Go on.”

“Emily came home in June for a bit before summer school started. She’s at UCLA, studying to be a lawyer. Can you imagine?”

Beth rolled her eyes. Driving or talking, Mom had never met a detour she wouldn’t take. “So what did Emily have to say?”

“Oh, right. She said she saw a man going through our mailbox. Last month.”

Beth’s hand tightened on the cell phone. “Going through how?”

“Well, she didn’t see him all that clearly, but it sounded like he was flipping through the envelopes. He didn’t take anything, so she didn’t worry too much about it.”

Beth forced her words out through a constricted throat. “What did he look like?”

“Blond. Thirties. A suit. Lean. It could have been Kyler.” Her mom drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve been worrying ever since she told me, but you didn’t answer your phone. I left you a voice mail.”

Beth saw the little envelope on the cell phone screen indicating a message. “I didn’t even check.” She tried to speak, but couldn’t find the air. She heard Nolan’s voice. Breathe with me. One breath. Two. Her voice worked again. “So if Kyler found one of my letters to you, he might know I’m in Tampa, but he won’t know where.” Thank God she’d rented a post office box here.

“What are you going to do?”

She didn’t have much choice, and the sudden upwelling of grief choked her. Leave her business, her apartment, her new friends? Leave Nolan? Oh, God, why now?

But if Kyler knew she was in Tampa, sooner or later, he’d find her. “I’ll leave. I have to leave.” Beth bit her lip, trying to keep her voice steady. Mom was upset enough. “I’ve always wanted to see what New England looks like. I’ll try there.”

“Oh, Beth, I-I could… Oh, I hate that man!” Her mother stopped, steadied her voice in just the same way Beth had. Weren’t they a pair? “Be careful, honey. Be careful.”

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Beth flipped the phone shut and laid her head on her knees. The first sob welled up, and her throat was so tight it strangled inside. The second escaped as a ragged sigh, and then she cried. Ugly, painful sobs she couldn’t hold back. It wasn’t fair. Not fair! She had a life, friends… Nothing. She had nothing now.

Her eyes had swollen almost shut by the time she stopped. Her nose was clogged, her head aching. Of everything she was going to lose now, the one that made her heart twist the most was losing Nolan.

Only she’d already lost him anyway.

Knowing the futility, she punched in his number anyway. She just wanted to hear his voice one last time, that was all. But the phone rang and rang, then clicked over to voice mail. “This is Nolan. Leave your message now.” Her lips turned up even as tears spilled over again at the sound of his deep gravelly voice. And his message, so terse and commanding. So Master Nolan.

Before she could stop herself, she opened her mouth and told him how sorry she was. Tried to explain… everything. Not that anything she said now would matter. By the time he listened to his messages, she’d be